Some Musings

I feel like I've lost my faith.  Well, I suppose that's  incorrect.  I think my faith lost me.  I had been having trouble with my testimony/church membership for a long time.  It was weird too, because the more I tried to do the right things (and "fake it til you make it") the further I felt. God stopped talking to me, so for a while, I stopped talking to God.  But not to long ago, I tried again, and I asked what should I do, what should I be doing?  The answer was do what brings you joy.  I haven't really found what brings me joy yet.  And my faith has become a somewhat contentious subject in our house.  I really wish I could make myself believe.  It would make things easier, and it would be nice to just believe.  But I've tried, and as of now, I can't.  Maybe that will change, I'm certainly open to it.  But at the moment this is all I've got (spiritually speaking): I'm pretty sure there it something out there.  I don't know how hands on this something is, but I think there is something greater than myself.

It's starting to get cold again.  Not like the rest of the country, where it actually gets cold.  Just cold for here, which is more than enough for me. We're had to turn on our heater, which is nice, but parts of our house are poorly insulated (particularly the master bedroom).  Even when the heat is on, it can still be chilly.

Bertram had his first haircut a few days ago.  I took him to Kinder Cuts, and he got to sit in a truck while having his hair cut.  He did really well, and the stylist did well too. I kept it long, but got it out of his face more.  People warned us that once we cut his hair the curls wouldn't come back.  But I think it's actually curlier than before.

I'll be having my second colonoscopy in 3 weeks.  (I supposed I should write about this on the crohns blog, but maybe later).  My sister is having her first colonoscopy on the same day. I'm not too nervous this time.  I'll be doing a different prep process, but I'll be drinking a lot less volume, which will be a welcomed change. And I'm not too worried about what they'll find, diagnostically, because it'll (more than likely) still be crohns.  I've not been having pain, or any serious flare ups, but it's been 4 years, so it's time.

It's been three weeks since I've really exercised (aside from walking).  I was going to get up and run this morning, but I didn't really sleep until after 3, and getting up at 5:30 was just not going to happen.  Maybe tomorrow, we'll see how it goes, but I do need to get moving again.  I just feel better when I do.

Vacation is over.

I've been in Virginia for the last two weeks.  Bertie and I head home tomorrow.

We had a pretty good trip.  A few hiccups:

• The red eye here was hard.  Bertie did pretty well, but the planes were completely full.  He is a wiggly sleeper, and he's big for sleeping in my lap now. 
• He hasn't slept well the whole trip.  I'm chalking it up to separation anxiety.  He has a hard time being away from me too.  I've had to sneak away.  When he wakes up at night he cries til I come in.  And I have to stay in there at night until he falls asleep.  I'm glad he'll be in his own bed tomorrow.
• Due to his clingy-ness, I feel like it hasn't been a real vacation.  I haven't gotten much of a break.  I told Aaron that when I home I'm going to throw Bertie at him and run away.

Some of the fun things:

• We all went to the zoo, which was fun.  Bertram seemed to enjoy it.  It was nice to do something all together.  (Except, poor Jessica tripped and got really scraped up on the way in).  We got to feed the animals, including a giraffe!  That was so cool; to touch, pet and feed a giraffe.
• Rebecca and I had a seester day today.  I left Bertie with my mom and Glenn and we headed out.  We got pedicures and fun snacks and auricle piercings.  I really liked the piercing parlour (they do tattoos too).  Beck and I will definitely return (for a tattoo or more piercings).  The girl who did them was really good, I barely felt it (which was a huge change from my last cartilage piercing).
• Rebecca and I got to hang out a lot, which was awesome.  And seeing my mom everyday too.  I didn't have to cook, I didn't have to drive much.

Bertie's vocabulary has exploded lately.  He's picking up new words all the time.  New words (or phrases): clean up, boom, wheels car round around (like the wheels on the bus), llama, night-night, grandma, book read, thank you (just a couple times), cartoon, no (he's saying no a lot now). okay.  I'm sure there are more but I can't think of more.

I went with my sister to her GI appointment.  It seems likely she has crohns too.  She is going to have a colonoscopy and endoscopy on the same day I'm going to have my colonoscopy.  I thought that was funny.