Another down day

The last few days in the Keeleyshire have been a bit morose.  I think we've both settled into a depression.  I know Father's Day had more of an effect on Aaron than he let on.  Then Aaron was gone for a couple days this week.  And things have been stressful at work (not bad stressful, just busy stressful).

The clean dishes in the dishwasher had been there since Wednesday.  There was a load of laundry left in the washer (also since Wednesday).  A sink full of dishes.  A basket of clean clothes to be put away (and two empty underwear drawers).  In other words, a messy house.  For those who don't know me well, I can't ignore mess.  I need the house to be clean; clutter makes me anxious.  Yet, somehow, the last few days, it didn't cross my mind much (aside from me wishing it wasn't there).

We spent most of the day napping off and on.  Or sitting around and not doing anything.  It was the opposite of most Saturdays.  (I usually spend the morning cleaning the house and doing laundry).

We did go out at one point, to buy a ThunderShirt for Yoie.  She always gets really scared of fireworks.  Last year, she had an accident, and then hid under the desk, shaking.  There hasn't been much in the way of fireworks today.  Just a few firecrackers off and on.  But the shirt seems to work pretty well so far.

Then we slept more.  In the afternoon we went to the baptism of our friends' son, Will.  It was a little bittersweet.  It's getting more and more difficult (for both Aaron and I) to go to church things, due to the abundance of kids (and babies).  Today was no exception.  And of course, it makes you think about your own progeny (or lack there of).  Aaron handles everything a lot better than I do (or, at least less noticeably).  I started crying on the way home.

On the adoption front... there is nothing.  I'd been emailing back and forth with the rep from LDS family services.  And she painted kind of a bleak picture.  They're not accepting any applications right now, since they're in between social workers.  They'll start accepting again in December.  She said it takes a long time to place babies with families, if at all.   Compared to other private agencies, it's cheap.  However, you pay $1000 just to get in the system.  Then another $1000 yearly, to keep your application active.  And it usually takes 3-4 years (if at all).  I'd rather pay a larger amount up front, and get a baby sooner, rather than stretching it out for years and years.

I'm still really angry that my body has betrayed me.

Misc.

Due to an error in communication, Aaron and I were no together on our anniversary.  It was pretty lame.  He was volunteering at camp.  Maybe we can take a day when Summer is over and do something.  But he'll be back and forth to camp a few more times and then to Dallas for 2 weeks.  Plus, the boss and I need to get the billing department situated, before I can schedule time off.

So here's what I did on our 7th anniversary:

• Woke up at 7, cleaned the house and started laundry
• found a HUGE cockroach in the garage, and trapped it under a cup
• Cleaned more, due to cockroach-induced paranoia
• Went to rest in bed, and read my new Marie Claire, only to find ants.  Then I continued cleaning, and then sprayed bug spray.
• Then I showered
• Saturday was also the company picnic, and since it was at a park, I decided (very stupidly) to bring the dogs.  
• The dogs did ok, until another dog showed up (usually they do ok on neutral territory).  Actually, Zelda did fine, Yoie was the problem
• Thought walking them around would calm them down, so I could tie them to the table and socialize.  
• Ended up sticking them in the car for a few minutes (it was a cool day, but I still hated doing it).  And ended up leaving before getting to eat.
• Came home, ate cookies and a banana and took a two hour nap.
• Watched several episodes of Taboo on Netflix, and then decided I didn't have the perfect pink nail polish.
• Went to Target, bought said polish.  Stopped at Panda Express to buy myself a fancy anniversary dinner.
• Ate, painted my nails, and watched more Taboo, before switching to an Auschwitz documentary.
• Aaron called to get directions to a Walmart in Livermore, to keep a ladder from flying off of the truck.
• 11pm, went to bed.

So it wasn't really what I would have wanted.  And there were way too many bugs in the house.

I ended up staying home from church today.  I haven't been feeling well for a week.  And I took Hurima this week.  So the idea of being exposed to 100+ people's germs was not too appealing.  And I took a nap, which was nice.

Procrastination

I hate procrastination.  In school I always finished my essays early, so I wouldn't have to panic at the last minute.  It's not an environment I thrive in.  Plus, I like to do things well, and doing them last minute usually doesn't lead to quality.  At least not for me.

Yet,

I'm teaching ladies' Sunday school tomorrow, and don't have much ready.  I've read the lesson, but I haven't really started putting anything together yet.  Plus I always bring treats, which I also haven't put together.  I've sent Aaron to the grocery store to get Jelly Belly's for my treat.  It's too hot, and I don't feel like baking.

Yeesh.  I do not like confrontation.  Our neighbours have a giganto Camphor tree.  It's complete destroyed our driveway.  Aaron's folks (who own our house) have talked (well, mentioned) to the neighbours about getting rid of the tree.  Tonight, we noticed a huge limb that is broken in the tree, waiting to fall into the driveway.  So I went to tell my in laws (because now we can't park in the driveway).  And my father in law sort of laid into the neighbour.  She kept saying, oh, the tree is healthy.  He'd say, yeah, but it's destroying my house.  So he said the limb needs to be taken care of on Monday, and the tree needs to be removed asap ("it's been going on too long!").

We did 5 loads of laundry today, and didn't use the dryer at all.  It was 96 here, so the clothes dried on the line really quickly.  Yay.

I'm having a down day.  I realized that aside from one, all the other couples we know who weren't suppose to be able to have kids (or not have them easily), have had kids (naturally, I might add).  I know I should be happy for them.  And I am, but I'm also jealous.  Why does everyone else get the blessing of children?  It's hard.

I did a silly thing.  I forgot to check my meds.  I'm down to a handful of Asacol (my main Crohns drug) and a few Prozac.  I placed my order yesterday, so hopefully they'll be here by tomorrow or Saturday.  Now that I've ordered them through the mail, I'm not sure how easily I can get them from the pharmacy.  But, if I really get in a pinch, I'll drive to Kaiser and see what I can do.

It's been a really busy week at work.  But I feel like I'm starting to get a handle on billing stuff.

My guts have still been hurting off and on.

The birthday that wasn't.

I think I'm going to have to do a birthday do-over.

First off, I was/am in the middle of a flare up.  So my guts hurt, I didn't want to eat (because when you eat, they hurt more).


Maybe I should start off with the happier stuff.  I got a lot of nice gifts.  Aaron gave me a Kindle Fire.  My mom got me a Citizen Eco watch.  So that was all nice.  And I took the day off work, and set up a hair appointment.

Before:

After:

Lighter, a little shorter and bangs.  Yay.

After that Aaron and I had planned to go out to lunch.  But I felt too crappy.  So I got a Jamba Juice, and he got real food.

Then we were off to Kaiser.  I started on Humira.  So I needed to pick it up and then go to the injection clinic to learn how to use it.  I was concerned about the price, because Humira is very expensive.  But... my 8 40-mg syringes came to $35.  I looked at the receipt to see how much I saved with my insurance.  The list price was $3500!  Holy crap.  I am so glad I have insurance (and good insurance at that).

Then we walked upstairs to the injection clinic.  The nurse was telling me about what to do, how to prep, etc.  I made Aaron come, so he'd know how to do it, in case I wanted him to.  

This is how it goes:
2 shots yesterday
2 shots today
2 shots in two weeks
1 shot every two weeks following

I have to do the shots subcutaneously, so in the tummy or upper thigh.  I chose tummy.  It hurt.  And then after the second one, I had a vasovagal response.  I could hear the rushing in my ears, I starting sweating, and I thought I was going to barf.  The nurse ran off to find a blood pressure cuff.  I told Aaron to find me a trash can.  "What?"  I said "I think I'm going to throw up.  Trash can!  Trash can!  TRASH CAN!"  I did dry heave twice, but no barf.  Then I had to lay down for a while.  And drink grape juice.

Aaron had to go back to work for a meeting, and didn't come home til after 9.30.  :-/  I rested at home for a bit.  Then went to the mall for a while.  Depression started creeping in.  I went home and had a bit of a break down.

So all in all not great.  I think July 6th or 7th I'll have a birthday do-over.  The cake and going out to dinner and some fun activity, and actually seeing my husband.  

Bleh

I turn 29 in 2 days.  O_o  Not sure how I feel about this.  There is certainly more I wanted to accomplish by 29: have a college degree, have (procure) a baby, be able to travel...  But there are a lot of other things: we live in a nice house, we have doggies (and catties) (all rescues), I haven't eaten a land animal in over three years, and I haven't had sugar in 10+ days!

I'm starting Humira on Wednesday.  Not sure how I feel about that either.  Self-injectables don't sound great.  Plus I'm not sure how much it's going to cost.  And I still have to continue my other drug regiment.  I think that's the worst part.  I was hoping it would replace some of them.  And it will, in 3-4 months, but for now, lots and lots of drugs.  I just want to be well again.  I want to stop having flare-ups.  I want to not have to worry about running to the bathroom and not making it.  And maybe not be exhausted all the time.

This and that

Things have been pretty good lately.

On Friday at work, one of the patients gave the owner a huge compliment about the whole staff.  That was awesome.  After work, Aaron and I went to dinner with Jomanda, which was great, because we hadn't seen them in a long time.  (Well, them as a couple, I'd seen Amanda not too long before).

Saturday was our first day of doing food pick up for church.  Our church had a Food Kitchen with donated items from Whole Foods, Fresh and Easy, Zanottos, and maybe some other places.  Some of the items are "spoilage" (close to the sell by date), some are over-stock and brand new, and a few dented cans, or torn boxes.  One of the amazing old ladies started this a few years ago, and it's expanded enough that hey can give food to the three congregations that meet on Sundays and an additional opening on Thursday morning for the community (though, I suppose they could come Sundays as well).  Typical items include: all sorts of fancy bread (various bakery loafs, and expensive healthy breads), cold case items (picnic salads, pre-packed salads, soups, puddings, etc), fresh made items (pizzas, sandwiches), produce, baked goods (pies, krispy kremes, cookies, etc), dairy (milk, yogurt, cottage cheese) and non-perishables (canned goods, cereals, different flours and baking goods, soy milk, rice, etc).  It's a great program.  It's helped us out quite a bit.  A few different people go to different stores on different days.  Aaron was asked to go to Whole Foods on Saturdays at 5:15.  (It actually turns out 5:30 is better).  The store will bring out cart loads of things that would otherwise be tossed.  For example, we got milks, that have a sell-by of 6-5.  Also, the various delivery trucks will give you things too.  We had several bread trucks give us quite a bit of bread.  We filled up my car (and will be borrowing my dad's van from now on).  The perk of doing this (aside from being charitable) is that you get first pick of the food.  (We were told the verse from Deut. 25:4: Thou shalt not muzzle the ox when he treadeth out the corn).  So we got some, and some for Aaron's folks.  And since we'll be using my dad's van, I'll bring him a couple things too (he requested nice bread, kefir (though I'm not sure I've seen kefir), and cold case goods.  


Aaron can't do it every Saturday, but I can.  And I don't mind getting up early.  Plus my FiL volunteered to go when Aaron couldn't.  So I think it'll be pretty good.  The key is to not make the employees (or delivery guys) wait for you, and to always be nice, and say thank you.  (Since it's actually easier for them to throw it away).  So I'm pretty excited about this.  It helps the community, creates less waste, and stretches out food budget.


After getting up at 4:30 to do the Food Kitchen, we headed out to Big Basin to do a 12 mile hike.  It's my favourite hike, but it's hard to plan.Skyline to the Sea Trail to Waddell Beach 
One Way. 

What to see: Spectacular views! 
Location: The Whole Park, Mid Park areas, Pacific Ocean. 
Trailhead: Across the street from Park Headquarters, at the large Redwood Trail Marker, cross bridge at Opal Creek Comfort Station, turn left. 
Length: ~12.5 miles~20 kms 
Time: ~6 hours 
Elevation: ~+/-1000' 

As you can see from the map, you need a car parked at "A" and another car at the read star.  As you can also see, it's not a quick or easy drive to get from one to the other.  A guy my dad works with organizes it, and we get to tag along.  I'm wiped out today.  Super tired, stiff, sore.  We went to sleep before 10, (it's 8.30 now) and Aaron is still asleep.

In the bad news column, I think Yoie might have a UTI, so I'm going to call the vet when they open at 10.  She's peed in the house more than usual.  (Once right in front of me).  And last night she asked to go out, and peed 4 drops.  So not good signs.