The days blur together.

Today was pretty good.  Nothing really stands out, but little Bertie wasn't super fussy, and he ate well.

We had an appointment with the lactation consultant today.  Bertie was/is doing really well with breastfeeding.  I already knew he was getting plenty of milk, because he's gaining weight, and going through diapers like crazy.  But the latch was really painful, and even when his latch was good, it would get smaller over time, and more painful.  The appointment was supposed to be yesterday, or so I thought.  But it was actually scheduled for the following Saturday.  I showed up, found out I didn't have an appointment.  But they scheduled me for Sunday, so it worked out ok.

It's now the next day.

Bertie is sleeping for now, but he'll wake up again soon.

The lactation appointment went well.  He weighs 5lb 11.9oz.  He's gaining well, and he ate 2 oz during the appointment.  They gave me some pointers about my sore nipples.  He also got ok'd for a bottle for expressed milk, since we're still finger feeding.  I think once he wakes up, and I feed him, we'll go to Target and find the bottle.

It was the first time I'd taken him out by myself.  It was fine, except carrying the stupid car seat.  I'm not going to do that again.  That thing is too heavy and cumbersome.  I'll either carry him, or bring the Moby.  I don't know why anyone does that.

Last night was a bad night.  I ended up taking Bertie into the guest room with me to sleep, because he was so fussy (and Aaron's back at work, as of today). I set up the co-sleeper, but every time I put him in it he started screaming.  So he ended up sleeping on my chest all night.  I don't really mind too much, except I don't want to train him to sleep that way.  He's currently sleeping in the bassinet, so that's a good sign.

A couple days ago, I went out by myself for the first time since Bertie was born.  I just went to Target and Big Lots, but it was really freeing.  How silly is that?

Today I fed Bertie in the parking lot outside my psychiatrist's office.  That was interesting, but it worked.

Quickie

I'm typing this while I sit and pump.

Little Bertie is home, and we're all settling in.  It's been tough at times, especially lately, since sometimes he'll cry inconsolably, for no apparent reason.  Also, grandma (Aaron's grandma) keeps mentioning that we're freezing the baby because he doesn't have socks on (or if he is wearing socks, it's because he's not wearing a hat.  Normally, I'd just brush this off.  But my crazy hormones are making me take it to heart, and then I feel bad.  But we have a pediatrician visit on Thursday, so I'll ask her about it then.  And I'll have her write a note, saying that his feet are just fine.  Grr...

It's going to be a busy week.  Tomorrow I meet with me psychiatrist, Wednesday we're getting pictures done, and Thursday is the visit to the pediatrician.  Aaron goes back to work on Monday.  I'm not sure how I'm going to do then...  I'm a little worried

I've been pumping a lot lately.  Well, always, I guess.  Sometimes Bertram doesn't want to latch, so we'll finger feed the expressed milk.  I'll be glad when he either latches all the time, or we can bottle feed expressed milk.

Yoie has been doing extremely well with the baby.  She doesn't mind him most of the time, just occasionally when he's crying.  She doesn't try to bite him.  So it's been better then expected.  Also, Bertie sleeps through her barking, so that's another plus.

A lot about my boobs, body and a few other things.

Today was a rough day.  Last night I didn't sleep enough, which is life now.  I have to wake up every three hours to  pump or do manual expression.  Until recently, manual expression worked better, but it's really time consuming, and difficult.

Anyway...

Today we got got up, and left the house at 6:45, to get to the hospital at 7 for Bertie's feeding.  (Aaron has to drive me around until I don't need to Norco anymore, or I'm ok'd by my Dr to drive again).  He did really well with latching today.  The feedings are starting to run together.  At one feeding, my chest was wet, and I told Aaron, "oh, I think he needs a new diaper.  He's peeing on me."  Aaron said, "No, that's you, your leaking."  Cool beans, I actually have enough milk to leak now.  It was funny, because at the next feeding it happened again, but before I even got my shirt off, like just being near Bertram makes my milk go.

Bertie was originally not released because he had several drops in her heart rate.  Nothing actually happened as a result of those drops (there were 3 or 4, over an hour period), his colour didn't change, pulse ox was fine, etc.  This morning I talked to the pediatrician (who looked super young, like 24 or 25).  There is standard procedure to keep a patient for 5 days following this kind of incident, which I only found out about today.  She consulted with the neonatologist, as he'd been healthy since the incident.  But it turns out he'll have to stay til Thursday.  Unless something else happens, then he'll stay longer.  I started crying, hormones, and I just want my baby home with us.  I miss him when we have to leave.  (Just to be clear, I love the NICU nurses, they are great, and take fantastic care of him).

After the 1pm feeding we came home for an hour or so, before going back.  My dad came at the 7pm feeding.  He got to hold him for the first time.  He was the first grandparent to hold him.

I think this is a great picture.

Bertram and Grand-dad.

=================================================

My boobs run the show now.  I have to follow their schedule, they have to feed the baby.  They hurt, they leak and they feel hard.  This evening, I pumped and got 2 oz!  That's never happened before, so I think my milk is coming in.  (I have a pump that is on loan from Kaiser).  Holding the pump is annoying, so on suggestion from Sophie, I got an old tank top, and cut nipple holes.  Now I can pump hands free!

My incision is weird.  It feels numb and itchy at the same time.  It still hurts when I try to get up from sitting or laying down.

I am so puffy!  My feet and ankles are the worst.  But I have fluid in my hips and hands too.  My feet don't fit in a lot of my shoes.  I'm nervous to try to wear anything but sweats.  

=====================================================

When I got home, I went into a bit of a tizzy.  Aaron was tired, and went to sleep.  I was grouchy, and the house was gross.  Instead of resting, and putting up my puffy feet, I cleaned.  And at the time I was resentful about cleaning, but now it's fine.  My hormones are so crazy right now.

A few days in

I'm feeling surprisingly well.  Very tired, but well.

Bertie hasn't been able to be in our room, and I'm going home today.  Hopefully he'll be coming home with us, but we don't know yet.  Tomorrow is likely, if not today.  Because he was a preemie, and had some issues with pulse ox, and heart rate, and now jaundice, he may need an extra day or so.  I'm sad to think of having to leave him behind.  But we're only about 15 minutes away, so it won't be far.

My dad has been here to visit everyday.  Aaron's folks came Thursday, and Saturday. Sophie came to visit on Saturday, and Nana Ginny came on Friday.  So we've had lots of visitors.  My mom sent flowers.

I'm still not getting a lot of sleep, obviously.  My milk hasn't come in yet, just colostrum.  We've been supplementing with formula, but not using a bottle.  The formula is put into a syringe (20-30 mLs at a time), then a tiny tube is used to get it to his mouth, and we do that while he's sucking on our fingers.  He's getting better at latching, and sucking.  But since he's not getting the reward of food, he gets bored with it.  We're working on it.

Yesterday we had a scare.  His heart rate randomly dropped to 60-something.  It did this 3 or 4 times.  So they started running labs and tests.  The doctor came and told us he might have an infection, and would have to do a lumbar puncture.  (Actually Aaron had run home to care for the dogs, so I have to call him with most of this).  When he arrived, we called Scott Crow (from church, and an orthopedic surgeon with Kaiser) to come help give Bertie a blessing.  While Scott was here, my dad arrived, and then Janet and Sophie.  So we ended up telling every one what we knew.  But things improved, his EKG was good, chest x-ray was good, blood work started to come back good.  So it looks like he may just have a lower resting heart rate. That was a relief.

This morning, he's a little jaundice, so we're still waiting and hoping for him to come home with us.  I'm out around noon.

Here are lots of pictures!