Bertram's 5 year interview (Delayed)

1. What is something mommy always says to you?  I love you

2. What makes you happy? Love, you.

3. What makes you sad?  When I close my eyes at night.  I don't like to have dreams.

4. What makes you laugh? Anything funny

5. How old are you? 5!

6. How old is Mommy? 98

7. How old is Daddy? 98

8. What is your favorite thing to do? Play with you (mom)

9. Who is your best friend?  Kunal

10. What do you want to be when you grow up?  Work at BattleBots when I'm 10 years old.

11. What are you really good at? Building with Legos

12. What are you not very good at?  Doing pedals on bicycles by myself

13. What did you do today? Went to school and played at the park

14. What is your favorite food?  Watermelon

15. What is your favorite song? Yellow Submarine and I'm a Gummy Bear

16. What do you want for your birthday this year? Build your own Battlebots

17. What is your favorite animal? A cat

18. What is love? Nice

19. What does daddy do for work? .Talk to people

20. Where do you live? (Says our street name)

21. Where is your favorite place to go? Target.

Trying

Trying to wean. 

I want to wean Bronwyn.
I want my body back.  For it to just belong to me.  I want to be able to take better drugs for depression.  To get back on Adderall.  So I can have energy.  I want other people to be able to comfort her.  Plus she's going to be two in July. 

I don't want to wean Bronwyn.
In reality, I love nursing her (95% of the time). She comes up and says "neh!" I'm not sure how nurse became neh, but that's what she says.  I love that she still needs me that way.  There is something very... connecting.  And it's built in snuggles.  I'm (we're) 90% sure that she will be the last child, so I don't really want to rush weaning. 

Trying to run.

For some reason, I can't run.  I'm not in pain, but I use can't make my body do it.  I'll start, and 10 seconds later just stop.  So I've been walking.  But I want to run.  I used to be okay at it, but now, I just can't, and I don't know why.  I kind of feel broken.

Just trying.

I just want to be happy.  I want to feel like a human.  I feel like I was normal once.  Now I just feel mostly sad.  And tired.  I still keep trying with church.  But, really, I'm ready to stop, at least for now.  It's not working for me, and it's not making me happy.


All that being said, I am trying.  I am putting one foot in front of the other, every day.  Each night, because bed, we, as a family, talk about one thing we're grateful for.