Day 78

I've been wanting to blog for a few days.  But I don't feel like I can properly organize my thoughts. Or express how I feel.  On May 25th a Black man named George Floyd was killed by a Minnesota police officer who knelt on his neck for over 8 minutes.  8 minutes.  George was handcuffed that whole time.  8 minutes.  He was murdered, because he was suspected of using counterfeit money at a store.  Or rather, someone was suspected, George was nearby when the cops arrived, so it was him.  I don't know whether it was him, but no one should die in the street, being knelt upon for such a minor alleged crime (or any crime, that's what the justice system is for).  This is only the latest in a slew of deaths of Black people (mostly men) at the hands of police, and "neighbourhood watchmen".

There have since been protests, followed by riots and looting.  There have been beautiful slivers of hope (protester cleaning after riots, protesters protection a cop, cop and protesters hugging, cops taking a knee with protesters, etc).  

So my heart has been heavy.  I am white.  I am straight.  I grew up comfortably in an upper-middle class (or possibly lower-upper class).  There was always food in our house.  My parents were married (at least they were til I was 18).  I didn't have any specific challenges.  So I come at the whole issue from a place of privilege.  I've never worried about interactions with police officers (except maybe getting a ticket).  And I think until recently, I was blind to the plight of Black Lives Matter.  I thought if you just tried hard enough, you could achieve most of what you want in life.  I was fairly blind to systemic racism.  I'm sure in many ways, I was/am racist.  Not in an outright way, but in preconceived notions.  Or brushing off the experience of others, because it hadn't happened to me. 

I've been trying become an ally.  But it's hard to know where to begin.  I am one person, and I don't really know any PoC.  So, I've been working on educating myself.  I read So you Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo.  It was well written, and it made me uncomfortable, which is good, that leads to introspection.  But it also felt overwhelming.  And really, the issue is overwhelming.  How do I/we fix a 400-year old system of oppression?  I then read Talking to Strangers by Malcolm Gladwell.  (I got the book originally because I thought it was about being introverted).  It was about bias and assumptions we make about the people the come across.  I have a couple other anti-racism books on my list, but they're checked out, so I have holds in place.  

So that is my wandering train of thought.

We're still stuck at home.  A few more things will be opening on Friday.  But I still don't think group gatherings are really allowed.  We've still been ordering food.  Aaron and I both got nasal swab Covid tests.  Not because we were symptomatic, but because the county wants to test as many people as possible. 

Three more days of quarantine home school left.  I think we're both excited to be done.  I got some academic stuff to work on over the summer. 

I'm burnt or dead, so I can't think of anything else.