Anxiety

 I feel like I have a lot of shame following me around, but it could be my anxieties. Because anxieties are tricky in that way.

I think about a time I was supposed to meet an internet friend. And I bailed and went to a baby consignment thing. She was really disappointed in me, and washed her hands of me. She did what she had to do, which is fine, but my loss. But I didn't not want to go, but my social anxiety took over.

I hate it, it makes me seem like a flake, and people don't seem to understand. Small talk is like a nightmare for me. 

And it seems, unless I'm specifically adopted by an extrovert, I stay in my cocoon.  It's a little lonely, but it's safe.

I think like most people, I've found it harder to make friends as I've gotten older. But I've not been good at making work friends either (when I was working).

These are all just late night/early morning thoughts. 

I could maybe make a friend, but it would be very difficult for me. Not because I suck, but because my anxieties would get in the way, a lot. 

Anyway, all this came about because Bron won't let me sleep.