College interruptus

 A couple days ago I had my counseling call with the online School of Public Health at SJSU. I need three specific lower GE classes before I can apply to the program. To save money, she suggested I look at community colleges, that those classes, then apply for the program. I figured this would be easy, since we have about 5 local community colleges. The issue is none of them offer any of those classes. 

My next option would be to take them at SJSU, which would cost a lot more, and there is more hassle of having to work within CSU system deadlines. I looked into applying last night, but all registration is closed until Aug 1st. So I have to wait.

Another issue, is that, looking though the required courses for a BS in PH is that (through the regular part of the university) VERY few of the needed classes are available online. So I would need to commute to school (which isn't far, but parking is usually an issue) or take the light rail, which is fine but gives me less freedom. 

I'm not sure it would be useful to take 3 classes, then have to apply for another program, so I can do it online.  Or, if I should just do it all (of the majority of it) on campus.  I'm leaning towards the traditional way, and hoping the classes can fit into my schedule with the kids.

It all feels overwhelming and stressful. If only I weren't 18 when I did this the first time, and had some perspective. I could have chosen one major and stuck with it. In reality, I probably should have gone to community college. The reason I didn't: we had a big assembly my senior year of high school on the importance of going to a 4-year institution. Because you were way less likely to get an actual degree of you went to community college. It was like a scare tactic (which worked). But jokes on them, I went to a 4-year, for 4 years and have 116 miscellaneous credits to show for it. At least if I'd gone to community college I'd have an AA, AS, or some certification.

After all this, I get stuck in a spiral of, do I even want to do this? Am I just bored? Wouldn't I rather my time be my own? 

And even though no one has ever said anything about it, I feel a lot of shame that I don't have a college degree. I did everything right in high school to put myself in place for a good education. I was accepted to excellent schools. And in the end, let my anxiety win by choosing the (less excellent, but fine) school in town.  (I was worried I would hate being away from home, not make any friends, or of hating my roommate, and the college scene in general (I don't like to drink, or party).)

Anyway, just feeling blue, stuck, and a bit hopeless.