The Things They Don't Tell You.

Breastfeeding is boring.
Most of the time I love breastfeeding Bertie.  He's a good eater, and he's been a good latcher almost from day one.  But having to stop whatever I'm doing to feed him can be frustrating.  I haven't mastered the art of the breastfeeding-multitask; aside from watching tv, or playing with my phone.  I've read about people reading books, or magazines, but I have no idea how you do that without balance the book on baby's head.  A lot of times I just sit there and look at him, sometimes I'll talk to him, but he's not particularly interested in listening.

There is no alone time.  Ever.
Especially if you're breastfeeding.  I can't even take a shower without the baby needing something, or Aaron having a question about the baby needing something.  Alone time comes if Aaron takes the boy out somewhere, or I drop him with my MiL, or I leave the house, and Aaron stays at home.  Lately, baby can't sleep in his own bed.  (Except :knock on wood: he's sleeping in his bassinet right now)!

I have no clue how people have a 2nd child.
Really.  This kid does not like to sleep in his own bed, or for predictable lengths of time.  Also, by the time we actually get to bed at night we're both so exhausted it's not even a thought.  (And when I'm not exhausted and baby happens to be asleep in his own bed, I have anxiety about him waking up).

Baby wearing is not the panacea I'd hoped.
I had always been excited about baby wearing.  I looking at the different slings and carriers, and tried some that my friends had.  What a great idea!  Keep the baby close and get so much done.
Kind of.
Baby wearing is really good for certain things, and really terrible for others.  I can wash, dry and put away dishes fairly easily while wearing Bertie.  But I can't load or unload the dishwasher.  I can take laundry off the line and fold in.  But I can't move clothes around from the floor to the washer to the dryer (or line).  Anything where you need to bend is really difficult (to nearly impossible) while babywearing.  At least in the front carry.  I could see those things being easier in a back carrying pack, but he's not big enough for that.  But I can sweep and vacuum, and scrub the counters with ease.  So I guess it's a draw.

Co-Sleeping happens.  (And you might like it).
I planned to never co-sleep.  I was worried about squishing Bertie, not being able to sleep, not being able to snuggle up to Aaron if I wanted.  And the baby's ability to self soothe, and be able to sleep in his own bed (The the 2nd child issue).
And, I still worry about squishing Bertie, I don't sleep very deeply now, and I can't snuggle up to Aaron.  But I do co-sleep from time to time.  I suppose it's mutually beneficial for baby and me.  I give up on trying to get him to sleep in his own space (because I'm tired, frustrated, or both), and he gets to sleep with me and Aaron in our bed.  Win-win, I guess.  Most of the time I do like sleeping with him, but it's hard to change sleeping positions, and I can't have the blankets up as far as I want.  

Cloth diapering is easier than I thought.
I was really excited to cloth diaper.  But also really nervous.  Washing your own diapers, keeping gross stuff in the house instead of just throwing it away, extra laundry, etc.  But it's been surprisingly easy.  We wash diapers by themselves every two or three days.  They don't smell very much at this point, since he's breastfed.  And I love not having to spend a ton of money on paper diapers, or worrying about running out.  We do have a box of paper, we've started using them at night (since theoretically he sleeps longer), and we used them for a day when he had diaper rash.  But we had two big boxes of newborn diapers that we just gave away, he outgrew them.

Mastitis

I have Mastitis.  It came on today, pretty suddenly.  I couldn't get myself going today.  Bertie and I slept late.  I didn't leave the house.  Most days we go for a walk, or to a shopping center, to walk around.  It didn't happen.

In the evening, I started feeling feverish.  My breasts started hurting.  Once Aaron came home I took a long, hot shower, and kept towels on them.  Then I fell asleep on the couch for 2 hours.  Aaron wore Bertie in the Mei Tai.  Then I tried to go to bed, which was around 9 or 930.  I felt very poorly, so I decided to call the Kaiser advice line, so I could get an appointment first thing in the morning.  I talked to a nurse, but she said she needed to transfer me to the OBGyn line, and there was a wait.  I waited a long time, but finally got on with a nurse.  It was well worth the wait, since she was able to call in a medication for me.  I didn't even need an appointment.  After I got off the phone, I laid in bed and sobbed and sobbed.  I just felt so awful.  My fever got up to 102.9.  I can't remember the last time I had a fever that high.
(I wrote the rest of this the next day)

Aaron went and got my pills and put the baby in the bed with me.  Baby slept.  I laid in bed freezing and crying.  I guess I'm bad at being sick.

He brought back my medicine, and some prescription strength Motrin.  The antibiotics are a little weird, because you need to take them without food.  You can eat 1 hour before or 2-3 hours after. So I have to schedule my meals a little bit.  (We moved Bertie into his bassinet).

A little after midnight my fever broke.  I stayed in bed for a while, sweating and sweating.  Eventually I got up.  I was still tired, but I couldn't sleep.  At some point Aaron brought the babe out to eat.  I think I went to bed around 4, and I just put him in bed with me.  Neither of us had the energy to fight with him.

I still have a fever today, but I've only been feeling the hot side, not the cold side, since I'm staying medicated.  Aaron took the day off work to help me out.  I slept a lot.  I nursed and pumped a lot.  (The right side has the blocked duct, and feels a lot fuller than it is.  One time Bertram didn't eat off it, so I pumped.  I barely got an ounce!)

Everyone keeps saying "Keep pumping!  Keep nursing!"  I don't plan on stopping.  Come hell or high water that baby will be breastfed til at least 6 months, and hopefully a year.

When I showered this evening, I saw the wedge shape on my breast, indicative of mastitis.  So I'm doing heat treatments, and pumping after each feeding.  There have been improvements, and hopefully they will continue.

The view from here.

More of the same around here.  Still trying to get into a routine, now that my mom is gone.  Bertie is really fighting sleep at night now.  Actually, he fights sleeping in his own bed.  He loves sleeping in bed with us.  We've become accidental, part-time co-sleepers.  I always make sure to put him to sleep in his bassinet, which is a huge challenge in itself.  Nights are hard, and stressful.  Aaron needs to sleep, and I don't need to sleep by any specific time.  So usually I need to try to get him down four or five times, before he'll settle.  Then he'll wake up between 2 and 3, and I have to settle him again after he eats.  When he wakes up around 5 or 6, I just leave him in bed with me.  (Aaron changes all night-time diapers, it's my way of sharing the burden of waking up).  I do kind of enjoy co-sleeping, but it still makes me nervous.  We're both heavy sleepers, I worry about squishing the baby.

Breastfeeding is still going well.  He's a good eater, and I'm a good milk maker.  I'm not shy about feeding him in public. Especially if it's hot.  I tend not to bother with the cover (especially since I'm usually hot).  I usually wear it more for those around me, rather than myself.  At this point, boobs are no longer sexual, but rather a means to feed the boy, so I feed him when he wants.  I use the cover at church, and when my in laws are around (well, male in-laws).

Bertie likes baths.  They seem to calm him down.  Yesterday, I took a bath with him.  It was his first time in the tub (instead of the sink).  He had a really good time.  And he's surprisingly buoyant.  I'd lay him on his back, and he'd practically float.  He did pee in the water, but that's fine, it dilutes.  I was concerned about him pooping, but he didn't.  It was a good experience, so we'll likely do it again.

I thought there was more I was going to say, but I can't think of it now.

Blog all the things!

The past two days

My mom left early yesterday.  I was am emotional, weepy mess most of the rest of the day.  (I envy people who live close to their moms).  I did manage to get a few things done, as Bertie slept pretty well during the day.  I cleaned up, and did some laundry.  The previous day, I found a floppy sun hat for Bertie at H&M in size 2-4 months.  I'd been looking for a hat for him, but everything I'd found previously was either huge, or expensive.  This hat was $6.  I washed it yesterday, and when I pulled it out of the machine, it had completely fallen apart.  I read the instructions, and I'd washed it correctly.  So that bummed me out further.
I left the house with Bertie, and we first went to Kaiser to pick up my meds.  We then went to the mall to exchange the hat.  (I bought the hat at a further away H&M, and chose to go to the one near home).  That store was really messy, and disorganized.  I searched and searched, and finally found the hat.  They only had two: 0-1 months and 1-2 months.  So I ended up choosing a different hat in 4-6 months.  Then I went to the register.  The sales girl was pretty rude, and implied that you generally can't return things after they've been washed, and in the same breath stating you should always wash baby clothes before using them.  She asked why the hat was damp (because it just came out of the washer), and asked if I'd washed the receipt too, since it was damp from being next to the hat.  She did the exchange, but the whole situation was really frustrating.  On the way out of the mall, I really needed to pee, so we went through Target.  There was only one large stall, and for some reason, a mom had sent her small child into that one (alone).  And the door didn't stay closed on it own.  So we left.

In the parking lot, Bertie started wailing.  So I fed him in the front seat, and just sat there sobbing.

From there we went to Sprouts to get a couple things.  That was uneventful, except that I'm the worst line chooser.

After we had dinner, Bertie started crying and didn't stop for two hours.  We tried everything.  I even drove him around.  At one point he was crying so hard, I pulled over and climbed in the back with him.  I took him out of his seat, and held him, and cried with him.  When I thought I'd calmed him, I put him back in the seat, and he started up again.  (Also, he cries tears now, so it's extra sad).

We got home, and I handed the screaming car seat to Aaron and told him "I give up".  And as soon as Aaron took him out, he stopped.  It was like a miracle.

He slept in his crib for 3 hours, and the rest of the night in bed with me, waking every 3 hours (which is more often than usual).

Today Bertie and I got up early (for us) around 7:30, but went back to sleep for a few hours.  Once we were awake, he didn't want to be put down.  I think I got him to sleep for an hour at one point.  Eventually I put him in the Mai-tai.  He slept for 3 hours, and I got some house work done.

I fed him at 3ish, and then took him to Aaron's folks' house.  They watched him so I could run to the bank, and post office.  Normally I'd just bring him along, but with him wanting to be held all the time, it's a lot of in and out of the car seat.  But they were happy to watch him, and I was happy to have a break.  He was still happy (sleeping) when I got back, so I left him, and did the dishes and put some laundry away.

Aaron came home, we ate, and Bertie went back in the Mai-tai.  We got ready to go on a walk with the dogs.  They get really excited when it's walk time.  And as I was bending over to get my sweater, Fiona jumped up and scratched Bertram across his forehead and the top of his head.  (She wasn't trying to hurt him, or even be near him, she's just a dumb excitable dog).  He woke up and cried.  I cried.  He was ok (I even called and woke up my mom to back sure I didn't give him brain damage).  We went on our walk.

 When we got back he started getting fussy, so I gave him a bath.  Often, the bath will back him really mad, but today I propped his head up on a towel and he was pretty happy.  And he didn't have a screaming period.  And he went down to sleep really easily (in the bassinet, but that's ok).

Body

I'm not crazy about my body right now.  I'm just slightly under 190 lbs (I think, I haven't weighed in a couple weeks).  Pre-pregnancy weight was about 164, which is high for me.  My goal is to be back at 140 (or under).  50 pound seems really daunting, especially when time to exercise doesn't often occur, and I'm so tired.  But I need to start.  I'm going to get the tires pumped up on the jogging stroller, and start the couch potato to 5k workout, and possibly throw in some weights too.

Bertie

He is 7 weeks today.  As of Tuesday he weighed 9.7lbs.  He's smiled a couple times.  His neck is getting really strong.  He likes to throw his head around when we hold him.  He's still a good sleeper when he sleeps.  He's spending a little more time awake.  And lately he's been spitting up, which is a new development.  We had his baby blessing at church on Sunday

All about Bertie (Mostly)

Time is flying by.  Bertie is over 7 lbs now.  I've mostly been letting him lead the feedings.  (We were told, once he was 8lbs, I could let him lead the feedings).  But, I've mostly been letting him do it, I still set the alarm at night. I think he should be pretty close the 8 by now.  He's gaining 1-2 oz per day.  I think on Saturday I'll stop setting the alarm.  Maybe he'll sleep 4-5 hours at a time.  We've been using bottles for expressed milk, and pacifiers on occasion.

Nursing has been going well.  No more pain, and he's getting lots to eat.

Bertram's witching hour is right when I want to go to bed.  He's really fussy starting around 10 or 11, and continues til 2.  He's been doing a little better the past couple nights.  We've been using gripe water and gas drops. He still ends up in bed with me at night, but usually after a feeding, where we both fall asleep.

I've been having a lot of fun with my mom being here.  I'm not sure what I'm going to do when she goes back home.  It's great having her help, I can get things done, and Bertie gets to spend time with Nana.  She been helping me clean and organize.  We've been going "shopping" most days.  Not really to buy things, mostly to get our steps in, and get out of the house.  But we've bought a few things, and she's gotten things for me and baby.

We've been using all cloth diapers.  No issues with those, except that it hasn't been warm enough to line dry.
Now some other stuff.   I finally finished our taxes, and we owe $2500.  Yikes, how did that happen?!   On top of that, there was a mix up with Aaron's student loads and they deducted $1500 from our account.  And my disability payments haven't started yet.  And rent is due!  So we'll have to put off rent for a while, and hopefully make payments for the tax bill.  Aaron's loan stuff will be corrected, but it's going to take 4-6 weeks.  If it comes to it, we can borrow money from my dad.  Everything stacked up at once.