More bullets

• I'm not sure what I think of Concerta yet.  It seems to be ok, but I'm still tired.  I assume these things take time to work.
• Yesterday Zelda got her yearly shots and an anal gland draining.  She was sad.  And the vaccines have made her more tired and lazy then usual.
• I could not get out of bed this morning.  I actually thought about calling in to work.  Then I thought better of it.  I called LDS family services yesterday.  But apparently they're as backed up as Kaiser.  That means no talk therapy for Rachel for a while.  I just kind of feel like I'm sinking deeper and deeper.  Every now and then I have the thought "I can kick this.  I can be in control of my mind/thoughts/feelings".  But it is fleeting.  Then when I need it, the motivation is gone.
• Don't worry, few readers, I'm not suicidal. I'm not doing any form of self harm.  I just want to not exist.  Which usually results in being on (of/in) the couch or bed.  Sometimes reading.
• I really need to force myself to walk outside everyday.  It's more difficult now, because it's cold and rainy.  
• I got a letter from a friend the other day.  My friend is graduating from university.  Friend is my age, has had a share (or two) of struggles, and wasn't sure finishing school was in the cards (though, was continually trying).  I have to say, this graduation notice made me so happy and proud.  Things have been going so much better for my friend, and this is just icing on the cake.  I feel a bit guilty though.  Because I should just be happy for my friend.  But also, it gives me reason to hope.  Some of our issues are/were similar (some very different), but it gives me hope that things can get better.