Training has been going ok. Wednesday was a longer running section. I'd been doing 2 minutes of running, followed by 2 minutes of walking, repeated for 30ish minutes. Sometimes that was ok, sometimes it was a struggle. Wednesday was 3 run, 2 walk. I was dreading it, but it went really well, and I didn't wish I was dead. I've kept up with workouts with week. And I ever threw in an extra one after running on Wednesday. I've been wanting to do more leg/butt strengthening training, but I didn't want to be sore for running. I figured Wednesday to Saturday would be enough recovery, which it was. So I may have start including that, when the kids will let me. I haven't done my 4 mile run yet (it's 2/2). I didn't sleep great, and was exhausted when the alarm went off. But I should be able to do it some point this morning.
Everyone is well again, finally. And, I think we've finally found a solution for Bertram's sleeping issues. We had to stay in his room til he fell asleep, and then he'd wake up several times in the night and either get in bed with us, or we'd have to sleep with him. One night, I left the reading light on in his room. (We call it the Nana light, as it used to only be in the room when my mom visited). He slept all night. Now we've done it for the past 4 nights, and he stays in his room all night. I think he was waking up in the dark and feeling lost or confused. Now when he wakes up, he sees all is well and goes back to sleep. Hallelujah! I got several nights of 6 hours uninterrupted sleep, it was amazing.
Bertram is doing well with school. He plays with a couple other boys, Kunal and Mayson. (I don't think I mentioned previously that Bertram bit Mayson. It was a confusing situation, since the teacher didn't see it happen. Bertram said Mayson put his finger in Bertie's mouth while he was talking. Which sounded like a lie, but Mayson later told the teacher the same thing. So I'm not sure. But I made Bertram write an apology note, and I apologized to his mom.) I made his appointment for Kindergarten registration. :sob: I can't believe he'll be starting real school in the fall. The district used to do half day kindergarten, but stopped (I'd guess) because parents had issue with child care. I'm bummed that he'll be gone all day. Plus that seems like a long time for a kid to sit still and listen.
Bronwyn has been picking up a lot of new words lately. She calls our cat meow-meow. She loves the Christmas trees and lights. I counted yesterday, and she has almost 30 words (she'll be 17 months in a few days). I think when Bertram was 18 months he had about 80 words, so she'll be close to that, I think. She is very dramatic, and will throw herself to the floor when she is unhappy with something. She is getting molars. She has been eschewing all naps lately. She still needs them, she just refuses. It's irritating, because then she's a grump, which in turn makes me a grump. She was doing a pattern of wake up around 7, back to sleep around 8 until 10:30 or 11. Then nap again from 1-3ish. Maybe she only needs one nap now. I guess I'll have to experiment with that. She is at an age that makes it very hard for me to do things while she's awake. She is our little octopus, hands into everything. And she still loves to put everything in her mouth.
Aaron is currently hating his new job. It doesn't seem like a very defined position. For the first couple weeks no one knew what he should be doing with his time. Then they had him work on a project that got scrapped. So now he's back to reading manuals and twiddling his thumbs.
My depression game is still strong. I think I'm going to have to switch meds again. What I'm on might be working if I were also taking Adderall, but Bron is still nursing, so I'll have to wait.
Saturday, December 15, 2018
Saturday, December 1, 2018
Once again, it's been a month
I started training for the half marathon, then stopped. We (the state of California) had a lots of forest fires, and even though they weren't near us, the air quality was awful. Apparently, on one of the really bad days San Francisco had the worst air quality in the world, beating Delhi and everywhere in China. Our normal viability is 10 miles, some of the days it was down to a mile. I ran on one or two of the days, but then I was coughing, and had a sore throat. Shortly after that a plague descended on our house. Everyone had fevers. Aaron had the flu (the actual, real, flu). But since he had his flu shot, it only lasted 5 or 6 days. No one else got the flu, but Bertram and I had bad, wet coughs. Now everyone is well, except Bronwyn. I took her to the doctor on Friday. She does not have the flu (she tested negative). Some other kind of virus. She is still snotty, and coughing, and has low fevers off and on. But she is improving. Anyway, I start training again on Monday. I'm looking forward to starting again.
My depression has been worse recently. I'm not sure if it has to do with lack of exercise, or just my chemistry. My depression just makes me blah.
We had a nice Thanksgiving. We went out on Black Friday just to Barnes and Noble, Target and Bath and Body works.
I'm pretty close to done with Christmas shopping. I have to look over what I have to send to Virginia, and make sure I have everyone. Also, I have money from my stepdad to buy gifts, but I haven't done that yet. I think I'm going to get Bertram/me a season pass to the local amusement parks (Great America, and Gilroy Gardens).
Today we went to Target. I had the kids choose gifts for each other. Bertram chose a Duplo set for Bronwyn (and him, I suspect, since he loves Legos). Bron chose a Paw Patrol toy for Bertram. She wanted to choose a stuffed animal (since she loves them), but I had her chose between a few other things. We got lunch at Five Guys. Bronwyn said "more burger". She has been getting a lot more words lately. Mama, dada, up, no, more, happy, duck, dog, star, book, that, baby, and probably a few others I'm forgetting. After lunch we went downtown to the Joyce Ellington Library. They had a petting zoo. We got there early, so we went in. Bertram settled in a read, while Bron walked around, and played. She read some too. I found some Lego books for Bertram, and a few level 2 readers. Then we went out to the petting zoo. There were chickens, ducks, pigs, goats, sheep, and alpaca. Bertram didn't want to go in. He said the animals were too stinky. Bronwyn had a blast. There was one white duck, which was her favourite. She kept pointing at it, and saying duck! After that we came home. Bronwyn napped, and Bertram built his new lego set (that he bought with his allowance). In the evening we went to the Christmas dinner/program. Bertram went up with the kids, but didn't preform. The cousins went up and preformed (even though they don't go to our church), it was really cute. Bertram didn't want to see Santa. Bronwyn sat with Santa for a minute.
My depression has been worse recently. I'm not sure if it has to do with lack of exercise, or just my chemistry. My depression just makes me blah.
We had a nice Thanksgiving. We went out on Black Friday just to Barnes and Noble, Target and Bath and Body works.
I'm pretty close to done with Christmas shopping. I have to look over what I have to send to Virginia, and make sure I have everyone. Also, I have money from my stepdad to buy gifts, but I haven't done that yet. I think I'm going to get Bertram/me a season pass to the local amusement parks (Great America, and Gilroy Gardens).
Today we went to Target. I had the kids choose gifts for each other. Bertram chose a Duplo set for Bronwyn (and him, I suspect, since he loves Legos). Bron chose a Paw Patrol toy for Bertram. She wanted to choose a stuffed animal (since she loves them), but I had her chose between a few other things. We got lunch at Five Guys. Bronwyn said "more burger". She has been getting a lot more words lately. Mama, dada, up, no, more, happy, duck, dog, star, book, that, baby, and probably a few others I'm forgetting. After lunch we went downtown to the Joyce Ellington Library. They had a petting zoo. We got there early, so we went in. Bertram settled in a read, while Bron walked around, and played. She read some too. I found some Lego books for Bertram, and a few level 2 readers. Then we went out to the petting zoo. There were chickens, ducks, pigs, goats, sheep, and alpaca. Bertram didn't want to go in. He said the animals were too stinky. Bronwyn had a blast. There was one white duck, which was her favourite. She kept pointing at it, and saying duck! After that we came home. Bronwyn napped, and Bertram built his new lego set (that he bought with his allowance). In the evening we went to the Christmas dinner/program. Bertram went up with the kids, but didn't preform. The cousins went up and preformed (even though they don't go to our church), it was really cute. Bertram didn't want to see Santa. Bronwyn sat with Santa for a minute.
That white duck was her favourite.
That brown duck was nippy (she bit me). She bit Bronwyn (not hard) and Bronwyn laughed.
Aaron was the narrator for the program.
Bertram and a buddy.
The other kids were singing.
I'm still feeling meh about church. I'm still trying. I keep finding myself being jealous of those who no longer attend, and conversely, jealous of families that are really happy in church. I just kind of feel like a liar.
Well, that was a downer. Let me think of something better to end with.
Oh, I know. (This is more interesting, I think). We've been discussing a third kid. Well, we've been talking about number of kids since before we were married. I think in terms of thinking logically, having a third is a bad idea. But really, I'm not sure how much logic has to do with it. It's like head vs heart. If that makes sense. Either way, I'm going to wait til after the half marathon to decide. Hopefully, I'll have lost some weight by then, which would make pregnancy easier, and healthier is always better.
Oh, also, I think after the new year, I'm going to stop eating meat again. Aaron's cousin has been vegetarian for about 3 years, so he's a good resource. I'm looking at recipes with protein, and less pasta.
Ok, until next month (hahah). Hopefully sooner.
Saturday, November 3, 2018
November
Aaron's arm finally got better. It seems like it took a long time, but it's back to normal now. He starts a new position on Monday. It's mostly a lateral move (but he loses his office, and is back in cube land). But there are more opportunities for advancement in the new position. I think he's a trainer, it's hard to tell, all jobs within the county seem the same to me.
My mom has been here for a week. I love when she visits.
We went to the aquarium at the beginning of the week. This was the first time that Bronwyn was interested in the fish. It was a good trip. We were all tired by the end of the day. And the kids slept a good bit of the drive home.
We had a good Halloween. Bertie was dressed as Tracker from Paw Patrol and Bron was a flamingo. And Aaron was Gandalf. I didn't dress up this year. We had a trunk or treat at church on the Friday before, and the kids went trick or treating on Wednesday. We bought a bunch of candy, but only had about 30 kids come by.
Bertram has been doing pretty well at school. He had been having some separation anxiety, but seems to be doing well lately. He's made some friends. He was upset at one point, because there was a "new kid". Then, he made friends with the new kid, Kunal. Now, his friends are Kunal, Mayson and Millie. I still can't get a ton of information about what he does at school, but he's always happy at the end of the day. His writing is really improving. And he is really loving reading. He reads on his own a lot now, as well as being read to.
Bronwyn is getting into reading too. She likes lift the flap books. Tonight she had Aaron read her a book (Where is Spot?), then she brought it to me to read, then my mom. But, she loves to get books off the shelf and look at all the pictures. She is repeating more words. Her current vocabulary is: mama, dada, ball, dog, hi, bye, num num, up, down. Pretty good for 15 months. She is walking all the time. She loves carbonated water. Tonight she started climbing, and standing on a little chair. Then she'd smile, in a very cheeky fashion.
My sister is running a half marathon next week (her first). She inspired me to do the same. I signed up for the Silicon Valley Half Marathon in April. I've read that 6 months is enough time to train (from 0). I found a training program to follow. I start on Monday. I'm nervous about failing. I'm nervous about my stamina. But I'm glad about being proactive for my health. And I've paid the fee, so I'm committed.
My mom has been here for a week. I love when she visits.
We went to the aquarium at the beginning of the week. This was the first time that Bronwyn was interested in the fish. It was a good trip. We were all tired by the end of the day. And the kids slept a good bit of the drive home.
We had a good Halloween. Bertie was dressed as Tracker from Paw Patrol and Bron was a flamingo. And Aaron was Gandalf. I didn't dress up this year. We had a trunk or treat at church on the Friday before, and the kids went trick or treating on Wednesday. We bought a bunch of candy, but only had about 30 kids come by.
Bertram has been doing pretty well at school. He had been having some separation anxiety, but seems to be doing well lately. He's made some friends. He was upset at one point, because there was a "new kid". Then, he made friends with the new kid, Kunal. Now, his friends are Kunal, Mayson and Millie. I still can't get a ton of information about what he does at school, but he's always happy at the end of the day. His writing is really improving. And he is really loving reading. He reads on his own a lot now, as well as being read to.
Bronwyn is getting into reading too. She likes lift the flap books. Tonight she had Aaron read her a book (Where is Spot?), then she brought it to me to read, then my mom. But, she loves to get books off the shelf and look at all the pictures. She is repeating more words. Her current vocabulary is: mama, dada, ball, dog, hi, bye, num num, up, down. Pretty good for 15 months. She is walking all the time. She loves carbonated water. Tonight she started climbing, and standing on a little chair. Then she'd smile, in a very cheeky fashion.
My sister is running a half marathon next week (her first). She inspired me to do the same. I signed up for the Silicon Valley Half Marathon in April. I've read that 6 months is enough time to train (from 0). I found a training program to follow. I start on Monday. I'm nervous about failing. I'm nervous about my stamina. But I'm glad about being proactive for my health. And I've paid the fee, so I'm committed.
Friday, October 19, 2018
Catching up again
I'm towards the end of a 10-day social media fast. I really hate it. I think's harder as a stay at home mom. Social media is sort of how I have friends. It's been lonely, and isolating. It was suggested in the general conference for church to do a 10-day social media fast, and (re-)read the Book of Mormon by the end of the year. I've mentioned it before, but I have pretty much no faith at the moment. Well, no feeling of faith. I try, and I just don't feel like I'm getting it, if that makes any sense. So, I thought, I would try to follow the advice of the president of the church, and see if it might bring me closer to Christ. In the recent past, the more I try the further away I feel. But I thought I'd try again. Try and try again. No results so far, but I'm not any worse off because of it. (Except the isolation).
Last Saturday Aaron help his cousin build a fence. He was sore for a few days, and mentioned his arm was bothering him. Tuesday Bronwyn and I went to Kaiser. I did my quarterly blood draw, and Bron got her HiB, Pneumococcal, and tDap boosters. Tuesday after work, Aaron mentioned his arm was really starting to bother him. He went to Urgent Care in the evening. They said it was tendinitis. Tuesday night, he took ibuprofen and benedryl and went to bed early. I came back around midnight. And he was awake in pain that got worse. He was writhing and moaning. He took a Norco, and it didn't touch the pain. So around 3 am, I called my Mother in Law (who lives 2 houses away) to ask her to stay with the kids. We went back to Kaiser, to the ER. There are no wait, which was nice, we were out in under an hour. He saw the NP, she confirmed that it was tendinitis. He got a shot of to tordol and dilaudid. It took a while, but those helped some, and he finally went to sleep. He stayed home from work Wednesday. His arm was still hurting. We went back to Kaiser that afternoon. Aaron saw another doctor who wrote him a prescription for Flexeril. He took that, it worked, then slept for about 17 hours straight. Friday he went back to work. So it was a fun week.
Last Saturday Aaron help his cousin build a fence. He was sore for a few days, and mentioned his arm was bothering him. Tuesday Bronwyn and I went to Kaiser. I did my quarterly blood draw, and Bron got her HiB, Pneumococcal, and tDap boosters. Tuesday after work, Aaron mentioned his arm was really starting to bother him. He went to Urgent Care in the evening. They said it was tendinitis. Tuesday night, he took ibuprofen and benedryl and went to bed early. I came back around midnight. And he was awake in pain that got worse. He was writhing and moaning. He took a Norco, and it didn't touch the pain. So around 3 am, I called my Mother in Law (who lives 2 houses away) to ask her to stay with the kids. We went back to Kaiser, to the ER. There are no wait, which was nice, we were out in under an hour. He saw the NP, she confirmed that it was tendinitis. He got a shot of to tordol and dilaudid. It took a while, but those helped some, and he finally went to sleep. He stayed home from work Wednesday. His arm was still hurting. We went back to Kaiser that afternoon. Aaron saw another doctor who wrote him a prescription for Flexeril. He took that, it worked, then slept for about 17 hours straight. Friday he went back to work. So it was a fun week.
Saturday, October 6, 2018
No sleep til
So far the sleep incentives haven't done much. Bertie will go to bed without much of a fight. But he still wakes us up every night, and he's still getting out of bed too early.
In the mean time, my sleep quality and quantity have taken a nose dive. Insomnia is bad, friends. Even if I take a sleep aid, I'm often awake from 3 or 4 on. Like, right now. Bertie woke up, Bron woke up, and then I was awake. I took half an Ambien, and still, I'm awake. With 2 and a half hours of sleep to show for it. I had three nights this week with less than 4 hours of sleep.
On top of that (or maybe because of it) I'm feeling really burnt out. It's tough, because if you're burnt out from your job you can take time off, or even find a new job. Which is not to say I don't love my "job". Being home with the kids is what I wanted, and I love it. But I need a break, which seems awful to say. And worse because I'm not sure what that looks like. Bronwyn still wakes in the night to nurse about 3 days a week, so I can't take a night off. And there isn't really anything I specifically want to do. Actually, I want to spend time with the family, but not have to be "on". Which I guess would mean everyone behaves perfectly. So, that's not too likely either.
I'm just rambling.
In the mean time, my sleep quality and quantity have taken a nose dive. Insomnia is bad, friends. Even if I take a sleep aid, I'm often awake from 3 or 4 on. Like, right now. Bertie woke up, Bron woke up, and then I was awake. I took half an Ambien, and still, I'm awake. With 2 and a half hours of sleep to show for it. I had three nights this week with less than 4 hours of sleep.
On top of that (or maybe because of it) I'm feeling really burnt out. It's tough, because if you're burnt out from your job you can take time off, or even find a new job. Which is not to say I don't love my "job". Being home with the kids is what I wanted, and I love it. But I need a break, which seems awful to say. And worse because I'm not sure what that looks like. Bronwyn still wakes in the night to nurse about 3 days a week, so I can't take a night off. And there isn't really anything I specifically want to do. Actually, I want to spend time with the family, but not have to be "on". Which I guess would mean everyone behaves perfectly. So, that's not too likely either.
I'm just rambling.
Tuesday, October 2, 2018
Sleep screw up
Once upon a time, Bertram was a good sleeper. He could sleep on his own, with minimum intervention from Aaron or me. Fast forward to last night: it took him 1.5 hours to go to sleep, because someone had to sit with him. Then he woke up at 4. Normally, Aaron or I would lay down with him til he (or inevitably both of us) would fall asleep. But, I realized how far we'd slid back on sleeping. So we started minimal-contact-say-good-night-back-to-bed thing. The problem with this is (of course that it sucks, but) you have to pass through Bronwyn's room to get to ours. So going back and forth every 5 minutes wakes her up. Especially since he's usually crying. At some point, I told Aaron I'd stay in the front of the house, so Bron and Aaron could sleep uninterrupted.
Aside from putting him back in bed ad infinitum, I devised a plan. I made a calendar (sticker chart). He has the opportunity to earn 3 stickers each night.
1. Going to bed on his own, without issue
2. Sleeping all night (aka don't wake mom and dad/Bronwyn)
3. Stay in bed til the clock changes colour. (We got him a clock when he got his big bed that is blue when it's sleeping til and yellow when it's get up time. It worked well, for a while, until we got lazy).
Once he earns 21 stickers, he will get a remote controlled BattleBot. I think this will be a good incentive because he's been talking about it for months. (They're between $30-40 so I was putting him off til Christmas or Birthday, but if this works, I'll happily buy it now.)
Fingers crossed.
Also, hopefully I get a nap today.
Aside from putting him back in bed ad infinitum, I devised a plan. I made a calendar (sticker chart). He has the opportunity to earn 3 stickers each night.
1. Going to bed on his own, without issue
2. Sleeping all night (aka don't wake mom and dad/Bronwyn)
3. Stay in bed til the clock changes colour. (We got him a clock when he got his big bed that is blue when it's sleeping til and yellow when it's get up time. It worked well, for a while, until we got lazy).
Once he earns 21 stickers, he will get a remote controlled BattleBot. I think this will be a good incentive because he's been talking about it for months. (They're between $30-40 so I was putting him off til Christmas or Birthday, but if this works, I'll happily buy it now.)
Fingers crossed.
Also, hopefully I get a nap today.
Saturday, September 29, 2018
My monthly post (or The Vacation that Wasn't)
As usual, I've been meaning to post, but haven't, for whatever reason. But this will probably be a long one. Hopefully I can organize my thoughts. (I'm trying to keep in all in past-tense, but I know I'll skip to present-tense at some point. Sorry in advance).
In late August Brony had a bout of barfing. Aaron got her out of the crib, and she was pretty much covered. I held her, she threw up more (on me). Aaron called advice and went to get an antiemetic. I got pretty good at catching the vomit in a bucket. The next day, she was completely fine.
In early September, Bronwyn had a sinus virus. I took her to the doctor to have her ears checked before we flew. She, Bertie and I got our flu shots.
September 7th we got up at 4am to get to our flight. Maybe it was 3:30? It was really early, either way. The kids did very well with waking so early. Aaron's dad gave us a ride to the airport, and we were on our way. Security was fairly easy. And Aaron hid his flying anxiety very well. We flew from San Jose to Newark, so it was a L.O.N.G. flight. But we had free tv, which helped. Both kids did well. I had Bron sleeping in the mei tai carrier off and on. At one point, she got fussy, and was pointing at Aaron. So I handed her to him. About a minute later she threw up. All over him. So much barf, I have no idea where it all came from. Then she felt better, and Aaron felt worse. We cleaned up what we could, the flight attendant brought us paper towels. I changed Bronwyn. But Aaron didn't have anything to change into. (Why would an adult need a change of clothes? we thought. I didn't bring any in my carry on either). I think we were an hour from Newark at that point, so it wasn't too long before he could change.
We arrive in Newark. We stopped in the first shop, and Aaron bought a "Newark, New Jersey" tee shirt, and went in the bathroom to clean up. (We couldn't find any shorts, or pants). At some point, Bertie needed to pee, so I rush him to the bathroom. The line in the women's was out the door. The men's was much shorter. So I stood with him as long as I could before I couldn't see him. He was fine, of course, but it (like many other things) made me nervous. After we were sorted out, we needed to take a bus to the A terminal. We decided we would get lunch once we got there. They security checked our boarding passes before we got on. We rode. I grouch that they should have a tram, or make it walk-able, because the bus is stupid and annoying. We arrived in the A20-27 terminal, only to discover it is the world's smallest terminal. We couldn't take the bus to another terminal, because our boarding passes said we were where we needed to be. Aaron asked a security guard if we had options. He said we could go to the other side of security and get food, but we'd have to go back through, and the two hours we had might not have been enough time. (Holy hell! How long are their security lines?!) There was one sit down restaurant in our tiny terminal (along with a coffee shop, Auntie Anne's pretzels, and a book/stuff store). We waited in line for the sit down place. It was ok. The food was over priced, of course. We wait around for our plane. The kids were both getting squirmy, but there wasn't much we could do. We weren't going to let Bron crawl around on the airport floor. And there wasn't anywhere Bertie could expel energy either. (But (I'm going to be judgy now) the lady sitting across from us didn't seem to have that issue. Before we'd sat down, her boys (probably 5 and 2ish) had dumped popcorn all over, and the floor was littered with candy wrappers. (Yes, the mess was their's as the kid was still eating the candy, and the popcorn bag was near their stuff). The 5 year old was loud, and running around, and touching everyone's stuff. Both he and the younger boy would run out of the mom's eyesight (which would make me super anxious). This continued the whole time we waited. The mom was either on her phone, or looked like she couldn't be bother to care what her kids were up to).
We took the short flight from Newark to Richmond. No issues. And somehow, one of our suitcases arrived before the plane.
It is at this point we start to hear about hurricane Florance. We are scheduled to stay at Myrtle Beach from 9 Sept-15 Sept.
September 8th I got up fairly early with the kids. (It is a fairly unique situation when I stay with my mom. Mom moved to back Virginia in 2001. Sometime there after, she and the man next door (Glenn) fell in love. She moved into his house, which means that my older sister has the whole house to herself (unless we're visiting.)) The kids and I went next door to hang out. For some reason, Bertram was calling Glenn (aka Papa) Brett. Brett is the man down the street from us. I guess they look similar, but it was funny. I went for a walk with my younger sister and mom, then we all went out to lunch.
While we were out , Aaron's parents had been trying to call us. My FiL (Dennis) went to see the dogs around 7. They went out, and laid back down. He came back around 9, and found Zelda in the bathroom (which is odd, she didn't usually go in there), on the floor, unable to get up, and surrounded by poop. Aaron's cousin (who lives across the street from us) had to carry Zelda to the car, because she's big, and fairly heavy. They took her to the vet and made her comfortable. But she still couldn't get up. So the vet said to give her til 6pm and then we could decide. (Our theory is that she went in the bathroom, and got stuck, unable to turn around (she couldn't ever back up well), and at that point panicked or slipped, and broke her back.
We tried to get on with our day in the mean time. We debated back and forth about even going to Myrtle Beach, as it's a 6+ hour drive. And varying points it looked like it would directly hit Myrtle Beach on Wednesday-ish (though, the forecast seemed to change hourly). Rebecca called the hotel, they said they were open. And if there was a mandatory evacuation mom would be refunded. We decided to throw caution to the wind and see what happened.
We talked to the vet again in the evening, Zelda had no improvement, so we decided it was time. It's hard to put your dog down, it's harder to do it from 3000 miles away. Every time one of our animals has been put to sleep, I've been there to hold their paw. Zelda had to do it alone, without a familiar face. I also realized I didn't even say bye to her before we left on vacation. I didn't think to ask the vet to hold on to her collar and tags, so they are gone too. (I'm crying now. I just feel like such a shitty dog parent. We gave her so much, and she deserved better at the end). She was about a month shy of her 13th birthday. It's old for a Greyhound, and we'd had her since May of 2010.
September 9th We got up and headed down to the beach. Not too far from home there was a major semi-truck accident that shut down the whole South side on the freeway. We were stuck waiting to be re-routed for a while. Though, not as bad as Rebecca and Nate. They were stuck behind the accident on the freeway. The backup was about 2-miles long, with zero movement. When we drove passed people were standing around outside of their cars.
The rest of the drive was uneventful. We wrote down stated from license plate, and tried to find radio stations. We had to make lots of stops for potty breaks, and because Bronwyn was done with being in the car. I managed to squeeze myself between their carseats, and was able to nurse Brony while we drove. Mom, Jessica, Rebecca and Nate all arrived around 4. We got there closer to 6. The room was supposed to be ready at 4, but it was probably 5:30 before it was actually ready. So we didn't miss much. We all got dinner, and later Aaron, the kids, Rebecca and I went to the pool.
We kept tabs on the hurricane. At that point it wasn't likely to make land until Thursday evening or Friday morning. We debated among ourselves when we should leave. I voted for mid day on Wednesday (not that it mattered in the end).
September 10th Our one, and only day at the beach. We headed out early-ish. (It turns out it takes a lot to get two little kids to the beach: tons of sunscreen, toys, towels, shade tent etc). Bertie had a blast. And the water was so warm and wonderful. (Also the skies were completely clear). Bronwyn didn't want to be in the ocean much. Then wanted to eat sand. So I took her to the pool. (That little bit of time sitting on the shore was all the ocean/beach time I got). Around noon the four of us came up to the room for lunch. And Bron took a long nap. After that there wasn't time to go back to the beach before we needed to go to dinner. Right before we left for dinner we got a call that an evacuation order had been issued, and we needed to leave the hotel by 11:30am Tuesday Sept 11th.
We drove to Broadway at the Beach (a shopping center, touristy place), to eat at Joe's Crab Shack. We wanted to walk around after dinner, but now we had to go and repack everything. We really wanted to go in the Kwik-E-Mart (a la The Simpsons), but it was all boarded up for the storm after we'd finished dinner. We went back to the hotel. Walked on the beach for a bit, and then started repacking and reloading the cars. Then planned to get on the road by 7am, to beat the evacuation traffic.
September 11th The weather was calm, serene and beautiful as we left. Not too far along on our drive Bronwyn started fussing. So I squeezed into the back of the car again. Then she threw up again. Not a lot like on the plane, but definitely vomit, not spit up. But after a little while she went to sleep. We didn't hit ant traffic on the way back (despite the evacuation order). It was a very long day, nonetheless.
The hurricane did make land somewhere between Thursday and Friday, but it hit North Carolina, not South. I would periodically look at the different Myrtle Beach webcams, and most of the time the weather was either sunny or very mild rain, and there was no shortage of people walking around. (Though, even if the beach was fine, the roads we'd need to take back through North Carolina were impassable.)
After Wednesday, we just had rain. Lots of rain. It was actually pretty neat to see so much rain.
Aaron went home on September 17th. The weather was calling for thunderstorms. In the afternoon, mom, the kids, and I went to Target. On the way there Glenn called and said there was a tornado warning. We didn't think too much of it because the sky was blue where we were, and Virginia doesn't really get many tornadoes. When we got there, the sky started to get cloudy again, so we decided to hurry and get what we needed and head about home. A couple minutes later, there was an announcement for a tornado warning in the area, and everyone needed to go to the middle/back on the store. That was seriously the most anxiety filled, scary time on my life. There wasn't a basement to go to, or anywhere like they say you should go. I had a very nervous tummy, so I went to the front of the store to use the bathroom. I could see the sky, the clouds were still white, which I took as a good sign. I couldn't stop sweating. I think we had to stay there for 45 minutes. Once the warning expired we got our stuff and ran for it. I've never wanted to leave Target to badly.We got back to the house, and I paced around anxiously until the next tornado warning expired. Then I could finally calm down some. It was awful.
The rest of the trip was (fortunately) uneventful. I flew back with the kids last week. No issues, just another long day.
In late August Brony had a bout of barfing. Aaron got her out of the crib, and she was pretty much covered. I held her, she threw up more (on me). Aaron called advice and went to get an antiemetic. I got pretty good at catching the vomit in a bucket. The next day, she was completely fine.
In early September, Bronwyn had a sinus virus. I took her to the doctor to have her ears checked before we flew. She, Bertie and I got our flu shots.
September 7th we got up at 4am to get to our flight. Maybe it was 3:30? It was really early, either way. The kids did very well with waking so early. Aaron's dad gave us a ride to the airport, and we were on our way. Security was fairly easy. And Aaron hid his flying anxiety very well. We flew from San Jose to Newark, so it was a L.O.N.G. flight. But we had free tv, which helped. Both kids did well. I had Bron sleeping in the mei tai carrier off and on. At one point, she got fussy, and was pointing at Aaron. So I handed her to him. About a minute later she threw up. All over him. So much barf, I have no idea where it all came from. Then she felt better, and Aaron felt worse. We cleaned up what we could, the flight attendant brought us paper towels. I changed Bronwyn. But Aaron didn't have anything to change into. (Why would an adult need a change of clothes? we thought. I didn't bring any in my carry on either). I think we were an hour from Newark at that point, so it wasn't too long before he could change.
We arrive in Newark. We stopped in the first shop, and Aaron bought a "Newark, New Jersey" tee shirt, and went in the bathroom to clean up. (We couldn't find any shorts, or pants). At some point, Bertie needed to pee, so I rush him to the bathroom. The line in the women's was out the door. The men's was much shorter. So I stood with him as long as I could before I couldn't see him. He was fine, of course, but it (like many other things) made me nervous. After we were sorted out, we needed to take a bus to the A terminal. We decided we would get lunch once we got there. They security checked our boarding passes before we got on. We rode. I grouch that they should have a tram, or make it walk-able, because the bus is stupid and annoying. We arrived in the A20-27 terminal, only to discover it is the world's smallest terminal. We couldn't take the bus to another terminal, because our boarding passes said we were where we needed to be. Aaron asked a security guard if we had options. He said we could go to the other side of security and get food, but we'd have to go back through, and the two hours we had might not have been enough time. (Holy hell! How long are their security lines?!) There was one sit down restaurant in our tiny terminal (along with a coffee shop, Auntie Anne's pretzels, and a book/stuff store). We waited in line for the sit down place. It was ok. The food was over priced, of course. We wait around for our plane. The kids were both getting squirmy, but there wasn't much we could do. We weren't going to let Bron crawl around on the airport floor. And there wasn't anywhere Bertie could expel energy either. (But (I'm going to be judgy now) the lady sitting across from us didn't seem to have that issue. Before we'd sat down, her boys (probably 5 and 2ish) had dumped popcorn all over, and the floor was littered with candy wrappers. (Yes, the mess was their's as the kid was still eating the candy, and the popcorn bag was near their stuff). The 5 year old was loud, and running around, and touching everyone's stuff. Both he and the younger boy would run out of the mom's eyesight (which would make me super anxious). This continued the whole time we waited. The mom was either on her phone, or looked like she couldn't be bother to care what her kids were up to).
We took the short flight from Newark to Richmond. No issues. And somehow, one of our suitcases arrived before the plane.
It is at this point we start to hear about hurricane Florance. We are scheduled to stay at Myrtle Beach from 9 Sept-15 Sept.
September 8th I got up fairly early with the kids. (It is a fairly unique situation when I stay with my mom. Mom moved to back Virginia in 2001. Sometime there after, she and the man next door (Glenn) fell in love. She moved into his house, which means that my older sister has the whole house to herself (unless we're visiting.)) The kids and I went next door to hang out. For some reason, Bertram was calling Glenn (aka Papa) Brett. Brett is the man down the street from us. I guess they look similar, but it was funny. I went for a walk with my younger sister and mom, then we all went out to lunch.
While we were out , Aaron's parents had been trying to call us. My FiL (Dennis) went to see the dogs around 7. They went out, and laid back down. He came back around 9, and found Zelda in the bathroom (which is odd, she didn't usually go in there), on the floor, unable to get up, and surrounded by poop. Aaron's cousin (who lives across the street from us) had to carry Zelda to the car, because she's big, and fairly heavy. They took her to the vet and made her comfortable. But she still couldn't get up. So the vet said to give her til 6pm and then we could decide. (Our theory is that she went in the bathroom, and got stuck, unable to turn around (she couldn't ever back up well), and at that point panicked or slipped, and broke her back.
We tried to get on with our day in the mean time. We debated back and forth about even going to Myrtle Beach, as it's a 6+ hour drive. And varying points it looked like it would directly hit Myrtle Beach on Wednesday-ish (though, the forecast seemed to change hourly). Rebecca called the hotel, they said they were open. And if there was a mandatory evacuation mom would be refunded. We decided to throw caution to the wind and see what happened.
We talked to the vet again in the evening, Zelda had no improvement, so we decided it was time. It's hard to put your dog down, it's harder to do it from 3000 miles away. Every time one of our animals has been put to sleep, I've been there to hold their paw. Zelda had to do it alone, without a familiar face. I also realized I didn't even say bye to her before we left on vacation. I didn't think to ask the vet to hold on to her collar and tags, so they are gone too. (I'm crying now. I just feel like such a shitty dog parent. We gave her so much, and she deserved better at the end). She was about a month shy of her 13th birthday. It's old for a Greyhound, and we'd had her since May of 2010.
September 9th We got up and headed down to the beach. Not too far from home there was a major semi-truck accident that shut down the whole South side on the freeway. We were stuck waiting to be re-routed for a while. Though, not as bad as Rebecca and Nate. They were stuck behind the accident on the freeway. The backup was about 2-miles long, with zero movement. When we drove passed people were standing around outside of their cars.
The rest of the drive was uneventful. We wrote down stated from license plate, and tried to find radio stations. We had to make lots of stops for potty breaks, and because Bronwyn was done with being in the car. I managed to squeeze myself between their carseats, and was able to nurse Brony while we drove. Mom, Jessica, Rebecca and Nate all arrived around 4. We got there closer to 6. The room was supposed to be ready at 4, but it was probably 5:30 before it was actually ready. So we didn't miss much. We all got dinner, and later Aaron, the kids, Rebecca and I went to the pool.
We kept tabs on the hurricane. At that point it wasn't likely to make land until Thursday evening or Friday morning. We debated among ourselves when we should leave. I voted for mid day on Wednesday (not that it mattered in the end).
September 10th Our one, and only day at the beach. We headed out early-ish. (It turns out it takes a lot to get two little kids to the beach: tons of sunscreen, toys, towels, shade tent etc). Bertie had a blast. And the water was so warm and wonderful. (Also the skies were completely clear). Bronwyn didn't want to be in the ocean much. Then wanted to eat sand. So I took her to the pool. (That little bit of time sitting on the shore was all the ocean/beach time I got). Around noon the four of us came up to the room for lunch. And Bron took a long nap. After that there wasn't time to go back to the beach before we needed to go to dinner. Right before we left for dinner we got a call that an evacuation order had been issued, and we needed to leave the hotel by 11:30am Tuesday Sept 11th.
We drove to Broadway at the Beach (a shopping center, touristy place), to eat at Joe's Crab Shack. We wanted to walk around after dinner, but now we had to go and repack everything. We really wanted to go in the Kwik-E-Mart (a la The Simpsons), but it was all boarded up for the storm after we'd finished dinner. We went back to the hotel. Walked on the beach for a bit, and then started repacking and reloading the cars. Then planned to get on the road by 7am, to beat the evacuation traffic.
September 11th The weather was calm, serene and beautiful as we left. Not too far along on our drive Bronwyn started fussing. So I squeezed into the back of the car again. Then she threw up again. Not a lot like on the plane, but definitely vomit, not spit up. But after a little while she went to sleep. We didn't hit ant traffic on the way back (despite the evacuation order). It was a very long day, nonetheless.
The hurricane did make land somewhere between Thursday and Friday, but it hit North Carolina, not South. I would periodically look at the different Myrtle Beach webcams, and most of the time the weather was either sunny or very mild rain, and there was no shortage of people walking around. (Though, even if the beach was fine, the roads we'd need to take back through North Carolina were impassable.)
After Wednesday, we just had rain. Lots of rain. It was actually pretty neat to see so much rain.
Aaron went home on September 17th. The weather was calling for thunderstorms. In the afternoon, mom, the kids, and I went to Target. On the way there Glenn called and said there was a tornado warning. We didn't think too much of it because the sky was blue where we were, and Virginia doesn't really get many tornadoes. When we got there, the sky started to get cloudy again, so we decided to hurry and get what we needed and head about home. A couple minutes later, there was an announcement for a tornado warning in the area, and everyone needed to go to the middle/back on the store. That was seriously the most anxiety filled, scary time on my life. There wasn't a basement to go to, or anywhere like they say you should go. I had a very nervous tummy, so I went to the front of the store to use the bathroom. I could see the sky, the clouds were still white, which I took as a good sign. I couldn't stop sweating. I think we had to stay there for 45 minutes. Once the warning expired we got our stuff and ran for it. I've never wanted to leave Target to badly.We got back to the house, and I paced around anxiously until the next tornado warning expired. Then I could finally calm down some. It was awful.
The rest of the trip was (fortunately) uneventful. I flew back with the kids last week. No issues, just another long day.
Sunday, September 2, 2018
I missed all of August.
I think depression is still been an issue. I don't feel particularly depressed, but I don't have any energy or desire to do much of anything. And I binge eat. For the most part, both of those problems will be solved when I start using Adderall again. But that could still be 6+ months away. My weight is still waaaayyy higher than I want, and than it should be. But I can really only take that one day at a time. I'm going back to 16:8, and working on my binge eating. I'm trying to make an effort to move more (though, I only have 4000 steps today).
Bertram started pre-K last week. He seems to like it. He didn't cry, when it was time to go in (which I was concerned about). But it doesn't seem like he's playing with other kids much (maybe that's normal?) Generally, he's perfectly happy to play by himself, so maybe I shouldn't be too concerned. I drove both mornings (because Bron wasn't awake early enough to walk), but she and I walked both afternoons. (Actually, I tried jogging one of the days. Holy cow, am I out of shape!). But, as the weather cools off a little, I can spend more time outside.
And since I missed so much time, I can't actually think of anything else to add right now.
Bertram started pre-K last week. He seems to like it. He didn't cry, when it was time to go in (which I was concerned about). But it doesn't seem like he's playing with other kids much (maybe that's normal?) Generally, he's perfectly happy to play by himself, so maybe I shouldn't be too concerned. I drove both mornings (because Bron wasn't awake early enough to walk), but she and I walked both afternoons. (Actually, I tried jogging one of the days. Holy cow, am I out of shape!). But, as the weather cools off a little, I can spend more time outside.
And since I missed so much time, I can't actually think of anything else to add right now.
Monday, July 23, 2018
End of July
Bertram did pretty well with his Space Camp. I should have just told him it was preschool. I think he was expecting a real rocket, or something. His cousin, Kaylee, was in the class with him, which was nice. But he had a hard time with me leaving, most days. I found a method that worked for both of us, by the end of the week. (I go in with him. He says he wants to go home. I ignore that and sit down. After a minute or so, he gets something to play with. Then he gets really into whatever he's doing. I tell him "I'm going in 2 minutes." He says ok. Two minutes later I tell him bye, and he barely looks up). All in all, he had fun.
I think I mentioned previously, that I signed Bertie up for free preschool. But it was every day, and not on the best side of the city. I found a preschool program through San Jose Parks and Rec, which was just what I wanted. Two half days a week, close enough to walk to (1.2 miles away) and doesn't cost a fortune. ($197 a month, which is about $100 less than any other program in the area). He starts on the 28th of August and goes til May 30. I've got to get him excited, maybe having him choose a backpack and lunch box?
Here is the description:
This class prepares your child for kindergarten with age-appropriate
activities, learning concepts, socialization skills and fun. Your child will gain
a basic understanding of shapes, colors and pre-phonics and literacy
building (i.e. identifying letter sounds, and writing the alphabet and simple
words), as well as number recognition, and counting up to 30. The goal is
to have fun, participate and learn. Children must be fully potty trained before the start of class. Requirements for parent attendance, volunteers, snacks, etc. varies by center.
I think some of it may be boring for him. He knows colours, and shapes, and he reads fairly well. But the socialization will be good, and counting. He can get to 12, then skips a couple numbers going to 30. And phonics will be good. He knows the letter sounds, but doesn't seem to associate them with words. His reading is about 90% sight reading. So it's exciting.
Bronwyn turned one last week. She had her well check on Friday. She is still a tiny girl 16lb12.4oz, and 28 inches tall. I think that is 8%ile for weight, and 16%ile for height. But she is good on all developmental issues. She's just a tiny girl. She has 4 teeth, and it working on a couple more. She got three shots: MMR, Hep A and chicken pox. She was grumpy immediately following her appointment, but was fine the rest of the day. (Poor kid, she cried so hard). I'm feeding her meals first, then nursing after, to see if that will help her gain a little weight.
We had her party on Saturday. It was low key, just family. I had some water stuff for the older cousins (they are 4, 5, and 6) to play will. We had Eggrolls, rice, watermelon, veggies and cake.
I think I mentioned previously, that I signed Bertie up for free preschool. But it was every day, and not on the best side of the city. I found a preschool program through San Jose Parks and Rec, which was just what I wanted. Two half days a week, close enough to walk to (1.2 miles away) and doesn't cost a fortune. ($197 a month, which is about $100 less than any other program in the area). He starts on the 28th of August and goes til May 30. I've got to get him excited, maybe having him choose a backpack and lunch box?
Here is the description:
This class prepares your child for kindergarten with age-appropriate
activities, learning concepts, socialization skills and fun. Your child will gain
a basic understanding of shapes, colors and pre-phonics and literacy
building (i.e. identifying letter sounds, and writing the alphabet and simple
words), as well as number recognition, and counting up to 30. The goal is
to have fun, participate and learn. Children must be fully potty trained before the start of class. Requirements for parent attendance, volunteers, snacks, etc. varies by center.
I think some of it may be boring for him. He knows colours, and shapes, and he reads fairly well. But the socialization will be good, and counting. He can get to 12, then skips a couple numbers going to 30. And phonics will be good. He knows the letter sounds, but doesn't seem to associate them with words. His reading is about 90% sight reading. So it's exciting.
Bronwyn turned one last week. She had her well check on Friday. She is still a tiny girl 16lb12.4oz, and 28 inches tall. I think that is 8%ile for weight, and 16%ile for height. But she is good on all developmental issues. She's just a tiny girl. She has 4 teeth, and it working on a couple more. She got three shots: MMR, Hep A and chicken pox. She was grumpy immediately following her appointment, but was fine the rest of the day. (Poor kid, she cried so hard). I'm feeding her meals first, then nursing after, to see if that will help her gain a little weight.
We had her party on Saturday. It was low key, just family. I had some water stuff for the older cousins (they are 4, 5, and 6) to play will. We had Eggrolls, rice, watermelon, veggies and cake.
She liked this little splash pad.
She wasn't a fan of her smash cake.
She was very tired at the end, because she'd missed a nap.
My mom is here (because of Bronwyn's birthday). I love having her around. I wish she lived closer. But I'm glad I get to see her as much as I do (especially because 3000 miles is far away).
The kids started swimming lessons last week. (It's 2 weeks mon-thur). Bertie is in the tot class (Turtles) and Bron and I are in the baby class (Whales). This is the first time Bertram has done swimming lessons without me. He's doing very well, from what I can tell. I watch him while I'm doing things with Brony on the otherwise of the pool. Bronwyn is really too young for the actual instruction. But she enjoys being in the water. She really likes jumping in. At the side of the pool, she climbs out. And stands up, holding my fingers. I help her jump in, she smiles and wants to go again and again. I dunked her under a little bit, and it didn't bother her at all.
I bought our plane tickets to go to Virginia. We'll be going to Myrtle Beach from there. I'm really excited. I love the beach, and both kids love the beach. Aaron could take or leave the beach, but likes vacation. It took forever to get the tickets sorted out. We had $800 in travel certificates from United (from when Aaron chose to get bumped last year). But I have to do Aaron's reservation separate from me and the kids because he comes back sooner. So I had two screens going at once, so we could have seats together. But I got to the end, and it wasn't accepting the certificate (an error message kept popping up). So I called customer service, and got Aaron's done. I figured mine would work, but it didn't. So I had to call back and do it again. All in all, it took almost an hour to get it all done.
Sunday, July 8, 2018
Now it's July
On Monday (almost a week ago), I had my every-couple-of-years colonoscopy. I did the same prep that I had used previously, Miralax in Gatorade (with Duocolax and Mg Citrate). I need to remember to start my prep a lot sooner than the paperwork says. I started drinking the Miralax (half a bottle in 32oz of green Gatorade) around 4pm. I didn't have any results until about 2am. I think it's supposed to work in 2 hours. Since it didn't start working til very early in the morning, which meant I wasn't really ready at 8:30, like I was supposed to be. I was worried that the camera wouldn't be able to see what it needed to. But everything was fine. There wasn't anything worrisome. My GI did take some biopsies, so we'll see if there is anything wrong when they come back from pathology.
Bertie wants someone to hangout with him til he falls asleep. So bedtime is often a battle (which I think is fairly common). After telling him to go to bed about 15 times tonight, he came back out and said "will you snuggle with me?" (Snuggle sounds more like nuddle). I told him no and to go back to bed. Then I felt terrible, and went in to lay down with him for a few minutes. I asked him how he was feeling lately. He said good. I said it seems like you've been sad or angry a lot lately. He responded I want you to do things with me, but you won't do them. Ouch. I suck. I thought I said yes to him a good amount of time, but apparently not often enough.
This is one of the major things giving me pause about having a third baby. I have enough love for everyone. But I don't know that I can give everyone the time and attention they need and deserve.
And on the same page- I'm having second thoughts about Bertram going to preschool next year. I really don't want him gone everyday. He'll be doing that soon enough with kindergarten. (Plus he's good on academics, it's mostly for social skills, classroom skills etc).
Aaron and I have been doing 16:8 intermittent fasting. We (generally) eat between the hours of 10am-6pm. Then nothing with calories the rest of the time. It's supposed to be fairly effective for weight loss, and it's easy to do. It hasn't been hard (other than the first couple evenings, because I'm used to snacking at night). Aaron has been really good about sticking to it, and has lose 6-7 lbs in about 2 weeks. I've not been as good. A couple nights I was really hungry. With the colonoscopy prep, I had to eat all day. So I'll do better this week and hopefully this week, and the scale will reflect it. I've lost a couple lbs so far. I've been in a little funk, so my exercise hasn't been up to par either.
In the next couple weeks Bertram has space camp (starting tomorrow), both kids have swimming lessons, my mom is coming out, we're having Bronwyn's birthday (how is she almost 1?), Bertram has a PT appt, and I have another dental visit. So we'll be busy.
Bertie wants someone to hangout with him til he falls asleep. So bedtime is often a battle (which I think is fairly common). After telling him to go to bed about 15 times tonight, he came back out and said "will you snuggle with me?" (Snuggle sounds more like nuddle). I told him no and to go back to bed. Then I felt terrible, and went in to lay down with him for a few minutes. I asked him how he was feeling lately. He said good. I said it seems like you've been sad or angry a lot lately. He responded I want you to do things with me, but you won't do them. Ouch. I suck. I thought I said yes to him a good amount of time, but apparently not often enough.
This is one of the major things giving me pause about having a third baby. I have enough love for everyone. But I don't know that I can give everyone the time and attention they need and deserve.
And on the same page- I'm having second thoughts about Bertram going to preschool next year. I really don't want him gone everyday. He'll be doing that soon enough with kindergarten. (Plus he's good on academics, it's mostly for social skills, classroom skills etc).
Aaron and I have been doing 16:8 intermittent fasting. We (generally) eat between the hours of 10am-6pm. Then nothing with calories the rest of the time. It's supposed to be fairly effective for weight loss, and it's easy to do. It hasn't been hard (other than the first couple evenings, because I'm used to snacking at night). Aaron has been really good about sticking to it, and has lose 6-7 lbs in about 2 weeks. I've not been as good. A couple nights I was really hungry. With the colonoscopy prep, I had to eat all day. So I'll do better this week and hopefully this week, and the scale will reflect it. I've lost a couple lbs so far. I've been in a little funk, so my exercise hasn't been up to par either.
In the next couple weeks Bertram has space camp (starting tomorrow), both kids have swimming lessons, my mom is coming out, we're having Bronwyn's birthday (how is she almost 1?), Bertram has a PT appt, and I have another dental visit. So we'll be busy.
Friday, July 6, 2018
Bertram's very late 4 year interview
Interviewing Bertram (51 months 4y3m)
1. What is something mommy always says to
you? I always love you
2. What makes you happy? You.
3. What makes you sad? Bad dreams
4. What makes you laugh? Funny stuff
5. How old are you? Four.
6. How old is Mommy? Eight
7. How old is Daddy? 8
8. What is your favorite thing to do? Watch Duck
Tales (which is what he's currently doing)
9. Who is your best friend? Kaylee
10. What do you want to be when you grow up? Scientist
11. What are you really good at? Drawing
12. What are you not very good at? Bumping rocks (Not sure what that means)
13. What did you do today? Drawing
14. What is your favorite food? Everything except for lemon
15. What is your favorite song? ABC and 123 and
itsy bitsy spider and twinkle twinkle little star
16. What do you want for your birthday this year?
Two sets of big Lego battle bots from Target
17. What is your favorite animal? Dinosaurs (all
of them)
18. What is love? Liking one people
19. What does daddy do for work? .Work
20. Where do you live? Maxine.
21. Where is your favorite place to go? The park,
and Virginia, and Nana’s house.
Saturday, June 9, 2018
Mental Health
I've been thinking about this a lot lately, especially with two celebrity suicides this week (Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain).
In the spirit of transparency and the hope of people being more open in the future, here are my experiences. (Though, I've always been fairly open about all my health stuff, mental included).
I have had anxiety for as long as I can remember. Actually, that's not quite true. I think it started around age six, when my sister was born. I'm not sure if it was a coincidence. Once my sister was born, I had constant worry at night. I would often check on her to make sure she was breathing. I would have dreams about bad things happening, and being somehow responsible. Around this point, I also developed some OCD tendencies. I would check the doors to make sure they were locked (more than once, even though I'd checked them). I would go around and unplug things, as I was worried about fire (any lamps I could reach, always the toaster, anything else around).
At some point, this anxiety lessened.
I think depression started in middle school. Partly because middle school was awful. I was not a cute tween, and kids that age are so mean. Plus, working through relationships at home was hard. It is hard to be the middle kid. Plus since my older sister is on the spectrum, I often played the role of oldest as well. (And my main method of getting attention was causing trouble). I always felt like I was getting the short straw: Jessica had privilege due to her disability (God, it feels so petty to type that, but as a kid, I couldn't see around that). And my little sister had privilege because she was the youngest. I had a couple meetings with a therapist, but it wasn't helpful.
In high school, things improved some. I fell in with a closer group of friends. People were much less mean, and I enjoyed school most of the time. I got a boyfriend which helped with my confidence some (since I never really found myself attractive). The depression was still there, but it was pretty far in the background.
Then came 2001, the beginning of the hardest period in my life. It was the year my parents got divorced, I started college and Aaron left on his mission. All of a sudden the people who loved me the most were all very far away. And college wasn't what I thought it would be. High school was easy for me, I put in minimal effort and got all As and Bs. College was really different, I had to study for my classes, which I didn't really know how to do. Plus, I didn't have friends in my classes like high school. That first semester I got mostly Cs and a couple Bs. Besides that, I had no clue what I wanted to do/major in, so I (in reality) wasted a lot of time. Anyway, sometime in college, I tried anti-depressants for the first time: Lexapro. Lexapro was the worst, I felt like I was in a fog all day, and didn't take them for long. I just managed on my own, just being sad most of the time.
Since then, things have ebbed and flowed. There was only one period where I felt as low as I did back then. And it was at that point I started a regiment of anti-depressants. When I was diagnosed with Crohns, it became a real possibility that I might not be able to get pregnant, because the medications I was on where not conducive to growing a fetus, and because I was not health enough in general to be pregnant. I started seeing my current psychiatrist, and I did a few different group programs. I finally found a medication that worked for me. We have changed it a couple times over the years, but in general, I've felt well.
My anxiety kind of hangs out in the background. It seems like it's mostly social anxiety. It's annoying, because it's lonely. I feel awkward, and I don't easily make friends. Plus when I'm invited to things, it's really hard to go. It sounds odd, unless you've experienced it (which I guess is true of many things).
I've never actively thought about suicide. But, it crossed my mind passively, which doesn't make sense, unless you've gone through it. It's kind of like just not wanting to exist anymore. I heard an interview on Fresh Air five-ish years ago with Allie Brosh (the author of Hyperbole and a Half). I was listening to it, while on a lunchtime walk, and what she said so resonated with me that I started crying (as I walked). She put into words my jumbled thoughts of the past few years. And while I knew other people were depressed, it made me realize there were people like me.
Which brings be back to the reason for this post. Mental health is really just health. But it's not viewed that way. It's secret, or shameful, or private, something. In the grand scheme of things, my experience with depression and anxiety is fairly minor or maybe moderate at times. But I am one of many. And while things can feel so crushing at times (or for periods), they do get better. But don't be afraid to speak up. Ask for help. It's a little less crushing to speak about it.
In the spirit of transparency and the hope of people being more open in the future, here are my experiences. (Though, I've always been fairly open about all my health stuff, mental included).
I have had anxiety for as long as I can remember. Actually, that's not quite true. I think it started around age six, when my sister was born. I'm not sure if it was a coincidence. Once my sister was born, I had constant worry at night. I would often check on her to make sure she was breathing. I would have dreams about bad things happening, and being somehow responsible. Around this point, I also developed some OCD tendencies. I would check the doors to make sure they were locked (more than once, even though I'd checked them). I would go around and unplug things, as I was worried about fire (any lamps I could reach, always the toaster, anything else around).
At some point, this anxiety lessened.
I think depression started in middle school. Partly because middle school was awful. I was not a cute tween, and kids that age are so mean. Plus, working through relationships at home was hard. It is hard to be the middle kid. Plus since my older sister is on the spectrum, I often played the role of oldest as well. (And my main method of getting attention was causing trouble). I always felt like I was getting the short straw: Jessica had privilege due to her disability (God, it feels so petty to type that, but as a kid, I couldn't see around that). And my little sister had privilege because she was the youngest. I had a couple meetings with a therapist, but it wasn't helpful.
In high school, things improved some. I fell in with a closer group of friends. People were much less mean, and I enjoyed school most of the time. I got a boyfriend which helped with my confidence some (since I never really found myself attractive). The depression was still there, but it was pretty far in the background.
Then came 2001, the beginning of the hardest period in my life. It was the year my parents got divorced, I started college and Aaron left on his mission. All of a sudden the people who loved me the most were all very far away. And college wasn't what I thought it would be. High school was easy for me, I put in minimal effort and got all As and Bs. College was really different, I had to study for my classes, which I didn't really know how to do. Plus, I didn't have friends in my classes like high school. That first semester I got mostly Cs and a couple Bs. Besides that, I had no clue what I wanted to do/major in, so I (in reality) wasted a lot of time. Anyway, sometime in college, I tried anti-depressants for the first time: Lexapro. Lexapro was the worst, I felt like I was in a fog all day, and didn't take them for long. I just managed on my own, just being sad most of the time.
Since then, things have ebbed and flowed. There was only one period where I felt as low as I did back then. And it was at that point I started a regiment of anti-depressants. When I was diagnosed with Crohns, it became a real possibility that I might not be able to get pregnant, because the medications I was on where not conducive to growing a fetus, and because I was not health enough in general to be pregnant. I started seeing my current psychiatrist, and I did a few different group programs. I finally found a medication that worked for me. We have changed it a couple times over the years, but in general, I've felt well.
My anxiety kind of hangs out in the background. It seems like it's mostly social anxiety. It's annoying, because it's lonely. I feel awkward, and I don't easily make friends. Plus when I'm invited to things, it's really hard to go. It sounds odd, unless you've experienced it (which I guess is true of many things).
I've never actively thought about suicide. But, it crossed my mind passively, which doesn't make sense, unless you've gone through it. It's kind of like just not wanting to exist anymore. I heard an interview on Fresh Air five-ish years ago with Allie Brosh (the author of Hyperbole and a Half). I was listening to it, while on a lunchtime walk, and what she said so resonated with me that I started crying (as I walked). She put into words my jumbled thoughts of the past few years. And while I knew other people were depressed, it made me realize there were people like me.
Which brings be back to the reason for this post. Mental health is really just health. But it's not viewed that way. It's secret, or shameful, or private, something. In the grand scheme of things, my experience with depression and anxiety is fairly minor or maybe moderate at times. But I am one of many. And while things can feel so crushing at times (or for periods), they do get better. But don't be afraid to speak up. Ask for help. It's a little less crushing to speak about it.
Friday, June 8, 2018
The week past
On Monday the kids and I went to Santa Cruz with my dad. We walked on West Cliff Drive, and then went to Cowell's beach, just for a few minutes. I didn't bring sunblock, for whatever reason. I was worried about the kids getting sunburned, and I knew I was sunburned. Bertram loves the beach, even though our beaches are so cold (the water is usually in the low 60's). Bronwyn liked sitting in the sand, and eating it (weirdo). I got a pretty bad sunburn, but the kids were unscathed.
Wednesday was my birthday. I'm 35. I feel very old. In my head I'm still in my mid-20s. I thought it would be fun to take the kids to the aquarium (as Aaron was working, and it seemed better than hanging out at home). We went to my dad's house (we always drive his Prius on our day trips, even though it's annoying to move the car seats back and forth). I moved the seats and then realized I left my aquarium tickets at home. (My dad has a membership. I hold on to the two guest passes, and Bertram has his own pass). So we all rode to my house and got the tickets. On the way there, my dad's security camera sent him an alert. He has a packaged dropped off right after we left. So we drove back over there so he could bring it in. (He lives 5 or 6 miles away). So after all the back and forth we finally got on the road. We all had a good time. Bertram is getting interested in the exhibits, which is fun. Plus, since we go there every month or two he has some familiarity. Bronwyn was interested too, which was fun. A couple times I put her up against the glass, but it made her nervous. Bertram was disappointed we left before seeing everything we wanted to see, but since we left so late, we ran out of time.
When we came home, Aaron, the kids, and I went to Red Lobster for dinner. Bertram's behaviour was so-so. Bronwyn (surprisingly) didn't like crab.
Aaron bought an ice cream cake (which we didn't end up eating til the next day). I opened my gifts and got a lot of nice things. My mom sent a box with 35 things in it.
We didn't do much the rest of the week. I've been really tired lately, even with (seemingly) adequate sleep. I exercised Monday and Tuesday, but haven't done anything since. Bertram and I tried to work on a papier mache project today (planets, of course). It turns out, he is too young for papier mache. I did all the work, but we're only about halfway done.
No new teeth for Brony yet. I found out that the likes her baby swing, which is kind of fun.
We're still going back and forth about having a third kid. But I'm feeling a little more urgency, now that I'm 35. There are a lot of cons. But really I suppose, really there are mostly cons when thinking about having a kid in general (added expense, difficult pregnancy, potential issues with baby, how it would affect the other kids etc).
Wednesday was my birthday. I'm 35. I feel very old. In my head I'm still in my mid-20s. I thought it would be fun to take the kids to the aquarium (as Aaron was working, and it seemed better than hanging out at home). We went to my dad's house (we always drive his Prius on our day trips, even though it's annoying to move the car seats back and forth). I moved the seats and then realized I left my aquarium tickets at home. (My dad has a membership. I hold on to the two guest passes, and Bertram has his own pass). So we all rode to my house and got the tickets. On the way there, my dad's security camera sent him an alert. He has a packaged dropped off right after we left. So we drove back over there so he could bring it in. (He lives 5 or 6 miles away). So after all the back and forth we finally got on the road. We all had a good time. Bertram is getting interested in the exhibits, which is fun. Plus, since we go there every month or two he has some familiarity. Bronwyn was interested too, which was fun. A couple times I put her up against the glass, but it made her nervous. Bertram was disappointed we left before seeing everything we wanted to see, but since we left so late, we ran out of time.
When we came home, Aaron, the kids, and I went to Red Lobster for dinner. Bertram's behaviour was so-so. Bronwyn (surprisingly) didn't like crab.
Aaron bought an ice cream cake (which we didn't end up eating til the next day). I opened my gifts and got a lot of nice things. My mom sent a box with 35 things in it.
We didn't do much the rest of the week. I've been really tired lately, even with (seemingly) adequate sleep. I exercised Monday and Tuesday, but haven't done anything since. Bertram and I tried to work on a papier mache project today (planets, of course). It turns out, he is too young for papier mache. I did all the work, but we're only about halfway done.
No new teeth for Brony yet. I found out that the likes her baby swing, which is kind of fun.
We're still going back and forth about having a third kid. But I'm feeling a little more urgency, now that I'm 35. There are a lot of cons. But really I suppose, really there are mostly cons when thinking about having a kid in general (added expense, difficult pregnancy, potential issues with baby, how it would affect the other kids etc).
Friday, June 1, 2018
June
My second try at the root canal went much better. Whatever that numbing stuff was worked well. I go back in a few weeks to do step two (hopefully finish it before the crown gets put on).
Bronwyn is pulling up and cruising on all the furniture. She likes to walk holding onto our hands. She says "more", "dada" and "mama". She has finally started crawling normally most of the time (instead of the army crawl).
The kids have been a little rough on me lately. Bronwyn has been extra grumpy, which I think (hope) has to do with teething. She has not wanted to nap, and sleeping at night has been a little rough too. I'm not sure what is going on with Bertram, but he gets into these meltdowns. I tell him to clean up and he can't do it. It's just impossible. He'll scream "I can't do it". So I'll send him to his room for quiet time. Sometimes he'll calm down, sometimes he won't. I've been trying to help him add words to his emotions, so I can help him. But thus far, it's not helping. Today they were both at their worst at the same time. He's been doing a lot of back talk too. I take away privileges (tablet and tv) or use time outs or quiet time. Maybe it's normal for 4 year olds. But I guess we'll just muddle through.
Brianon mentioned the loneliness of being a stay at home mom in her blog. It's been on my mind lately. It's a tough dichotomy for me. Because social anxiety makes me want to be on my own a lot, but I also want to have some friends. I feel like I don't really have any close (local) friends anymore. Maybe that's typical of SAHMs? I don't think my mom had a lot of close friends when we were young. I'd like to go to the park group with the other SAHMs from church, but Bronwyn is always napping when they meet. Maybe it's another thing that just needs to be muddled through? How does one make friends as an adult?
Church is kind of tough too. I don't feel like I belong there. Like I'm not good enough, or the same enough. Plus, I've lost my testimony, pretty much entirely. And the more I try to work on it (doing all the textbook things: reading scriptures, studying, praying etc), the further away I feel. Maybe it's not where I'm supposed to be. Is there a time when you throw in the towel? I guess it doesn't matter too much, I'll still be doing the same things.
Well, this has been a kind of depressing post. I guess I've been a little down lately.
Bronwyn is pulling up and cruising on all the furniture. She likes to walk holding onto our hands. She says "more", "dada" and "mama". She has finally started crawling normally most of the time (instead of the army crawl).
The kids have been a little rough on me lately. Bronwyn has been extra grumpy, which I think (hope) has to do with teething. She has not wanted to nap, and sleeping at night has been a little rough too. I'm not sure what is going on with Bertram, but he gets into these meltdowns. I tell him to clean up and he can't do it. It's just impossible. He'll scream "I can't do it". So I'll send him to his room for quiet time. Sometimes he'll calm down, sometimes he won't. I've been trying to help him add words to his emotions, so I can help him. But thus far, it's not helping. Today they were both at their worst at the same time. He's been doing a lot of back talk too. I take away privileges (tablet and tv) or use time outs or quiet time. Maybe it's normal for 4 year olds. But I guess we'll just muddle through.
Brianon mentioned the loneliness of being a stay at home mom in her blog. It's been on my mind lately. It's a tough dichotomy for me. Because social anxiety makes me want to be on my own a lot, but I also want to have some friends. I feel like I don't really have any close (local) friends anymore. Maybe that's typical of SAHMs? I don't think my mom had a lot of close friends when we were young. I'd like to go to the park group with the other SAHMs from church, but Bronwyn is always napping when they meet. Maybe it's another thing that just needs to be muddled through? How does one make friends as an adult?
Church is kind of tough too. I don't feel like I belong there. Like I'm not good enough, or the same enough. Plus, I've lost my testimony, pretty much entirely. And the more I try to work on it (doing all the textbook things: reading scriptures, studying, praying etc), the further away I feel. Maybe it's not where I'm supposed to be. Is there a time when you throw in the towel? I guess it doesn't matter too much, I'll still be doing the same things.
Well, this has been a kind of depressing post. I guess I've been a little down lately.
Thursday, May 10, 2018
Somehow it's May
We went to the low cost preschool thing. I have a few reservations. I was really hoping to have him do 2-3 days a week. But the only options were full days or part days Monday-Friday. He's currently signed up for 12:30-3:30 M-F. The other issue is that he can only have 10 absences for the whole school year. We already have a week-long trip planned for September, and I was going to stay a little longer than that with the kids. A couple other issues I have is that the preschool is in a not great area, and I'm anxious about letting him go to strangers. I know that is somewhat silly, since he will have to go to school at some point, but I am a nervous person. We're going to go and tour it in July, and see what kind of vibe we get. If I don't feel good about it, then we will withdraw him.
My sister Jessica is visiting, so we've gone on a few day trips with her and my dad: Monterey Bay Aquarium, Golden Gate Park (twice), Santa Cruz and the Oakland Zoo. On the trip to Monterey I left Bertram's tablet on the roof of the car. We retraced our drive when we got home, and there were no signs of it (smooshed or otherwise). I was so aggravated that I'd done that. My mom was nice enough to order him a new one.
The kids are doing well. Bertram is reading a lot. We going to the library every week or so. He's been very into Planet Putty and Galaxy Goo lately. They are just slime, in different colours. But it's space related, so he gets very excited. We have all the planet putty, but only 2 galaxy goo so far. He loves art projects, especially painting. He's been practicing using scissors. I've been giving him a few chores. He is so good with Bronwyn, and she just loves him.
Bronwyn is army crawling everywhere. She's starting to pull up a little, and wave. She may say "more" but I'm not sure yet. She loves most food, she is still a good nurser.
There is probably something else I'm forgetting, but that's all I have for now.
My sister Jessica is visiting, so we've gone on a few day trips with her and my dad: Monterey Bay Aquarium, Golden Gate Park (twice), Santa Cruz and the Oakland Zoo. On the trip to Monterey I left Bertram's tablet on the roof of the car. We retraced our drive when we got home, and there were no signs of it (smooshed or otherwise). I was so aggravated that I'd done that. My mom was nice enough to order him a new one.
I went to the dentist a few days ago. I needed a crown and filling. But when the dentist looked at the tooth needing the crown, he saw it needed a root canal (then a crown). I wasn't too concerned, I had a root canal last year (at the endodontist), I had no pain and he did a great job. This time, I had a lot of pain. I had 2 or 3 doses of Novocaine before he even started. Every time he started working it hurt. I started crying after a bit, because it hurt, and I just couldn't get numb. The dentist said there was a nuclear numbing option, where I would definitely get numb, or he could give me some antibiotics and we can do it all again in 2 weeks. I thought about just trying to press through, but I was so stressed I said let's wait. It was a rough day.
I've been thinking about a 3rd (last) baby. We're both unsure. I would love to have another but a few things are giving me pause. I don't want Bronwyn to become the middle child (as it sucks). The kids will have to share a room. We'll have to get a minivan (or suv). (Though, we'll likely have to do that anyway. So we have room to drive the kids, their friends, our family, etc). Cost of everything (except insurance) will go up. Plus I was really anxious during my pregnancy with Bron. We have some time to figure it out, but not too long, I'm going to be 35 with year.
The kids are doing well. Bertram is reading a lot. We going to the library every week or so. He's been very into Planet Putty and Galaxy Goo lately. They are just slime, in different colours. But it's space related, so he gets very excited. We have all the planet putty, but only 2 galaxy goo so far. He loves art projects, especially painting. He's been practicing using scissors. I've been giving him a few chores. He is so good with Bronwyn, and she just loves him.
Bronwyn is army crawling everywhere. She's starting to pull up a little, and wave. She may say "more" but I'm not sure yet. She loves most food, she is still a good nurser.
There is probably something else I'm forgetting, but that's all I have for now.
Friday, April 13, 2018
Quick blog
This will likely be short, as I'm typing on my phone. Things are going pretty well. I feel like the cymbalta is working well. So much so, that a few days it's been like I don't actually have depression.
We went to the Legion of Honor with my dad (the kids and I). It was a good time. The last few times Bertram wasn't good company. I wised up and brought his tablet, and Bron rode in the backpack. They did very well, and I had a good time.
Bertram has been riding his scooter more, he's starting to get the hang of it. And he's wearing his helmet (bonus!) He had his second PT visit. The therapist was very happy with his progress.
And next week we're going to an open house for a low/no cost preschool (that we actually qualify for). The campuses aren't super close, but they're only about 15 minutes away. So hopefully we'll like it, and there is an opening for him.
Brony is still a happy little thing. She has her 9 month appointment next week. I think she's on schedule for most of the milestones, but I'll find out next week.
We went to the Legion of Honor with my dad (the kids and I). It was a good time. The last few times Bertram wasn't good company. I wised up and brought his tablet, and Bron rode in the backpack. They did very well, and I had a good time.
Bertram has been riding his scooter more, he's starting to get the hang of it. And he's wearing his helmet (bonus!) He had his second PT visit. The therapist was very happy with his progress.
And next week we're going to an open house for a low/no cost preschool (that we actually qualify for). The campuses aren't super close, but they're only about 15 minutes away. So hopefully we'll like it, and there is an opening for him.
Brony is still a happy little thing. She has her 9 month appointment next week. I think she's on schedule for most of the milestones, but I'll find out next week.
Sunday, March 25, 2018
The dawn
I think the Cymbalta is starting to work. Just in the last 3 or 4 days, it feels like the darkness is lift. When I have a moment to myself, I don't automatically feel sad. Some joy is sneaking in. I do have a couple annoying side effects. Dry mouth, I'm thirsty all the time. And sweating, which is worse. I'll be out doing things, and just be dripping in sweat, for no reason.
I took the kids (mostly just Bertram) bowling on Monday. It wasn't super warm inside, and I wasn't working hard, but I was embarrassing sweaty. Aside from that it was pretty fun. I paid for 90 minutes. It was $5.50 per game (per person) or $9.95 for 90 minutes (per person). I figured the timed rate would be better, that way, if he wanted to keep bowling after two games we could. (Last time we went bowling, which was at least 9 months ago, we did two games, and he wanted to keep playing). He did pretty well, and we had fun. Bronwyn sat patiently, for most of the time.
For the last week, we've had a lot of rain. We need it, but I don't really like it, it makes us a little cooped up.Yesterday, there was only a 20% chance of rain, and it was sunny. So we all walked to the donut shop (about a mile away). Except it started raining about halfway there. The kids were in the stroller, so they stayed fairly dry. Aaron and I were fairly wet.
Bronwyn has slept well a couple nights, like 8 or 9 hours straight. Then last night, she didn't want to sleep at all. She has mastered sitting. And she has started army crawling. She has been trying new foods. I haven't been following the way your supposed to do it. She's been getting table food, and various baby food. She's liked most things. Plain yogurt, waffles, eggs, bread, chicken. She is not a huge fan of baby food peas, but likes cooked peas (like really soft, from a soup).
Thursday, March 8, 2018
Another month later
So after a short stay with Effexor, I've moved onto Cymbalta. It's only been a week or so.
I'm getting really tired of depression. It's really annoying to be at the mall, or reading to the kids, or driving and suddenly feel like breaking down. Doing something fun, and wanting to break. Then, when you are alone and can cry, nothing happens. It's like my emotions are completely broken. And my sex drive is completely gone. Poor Aaron. It's just kind of shitty all around.
My mom was out here for 3 weeks for Bertie's birthday. It was so nice having her here, and it went way too fast. Both kids loved having her here. I'm not sure that Bertram ever stopped talking. And Bron is just the most smiling, happiest kid around.
We had Bertie's 4th birthday. Just family, like always (or at least another year). He wanted a PJ Masks party. So we found decorations and balloons and all the usual things. I made two cakes. He originally told me he wanted a chocolate and strawberry cake. I made one with chocolate frosting, and then he told me he wanted vanilla frosting. So I made a second cake (which is just as well, since one probably wouldn't have been enough). They both turned out well. We had fruit, veggies and pizza. Then he wanted to open gifts. He got a lot of space stuff, books, and puzzles. He was a happy guy. We sang and all had cake. The kids were playing with the star-shaped confetti, which I told them not to do while they ate. I think Bertram must have set his fork down on one, because he started crying and gagging. (God, it was so scary, I'm still upset over it). I ran over and looked in his mouth, I couldn't see it. He kept saying that it hurt, and would gag again. I tried finger-sweeping him, with no success. I called my mom to help. She wasn't panicked like I was. He gagged a few more times and out it came. He gagged a little more and then cried and cried. I held him and cried too. I kept thinking, why did I put that stupid confetti there? He got over it a lot quicker than I did. (Since I'm still not). But it didn't ruin his day, which is good.
He had his well check. He is just about 50th% for height and weight. He's still not jumping or peddling, so we're starting PT tomorrow. And he sees the ophthalmologist on Monday to determine if he's colour blind. I told him he wasn't getting any shots, because he was concerned. The problem was, I didn't know he was getting boosters. He was sad, and cried. And I did my best not to cry, because, my emotions are out of whack.
Anyway, on top of all the depression stuff, the kids are my sunshine. I just think about how lucky I am to be their mom.
I'm getting really tired of depression. It's really annoying to be at the mall, or reading to the kids, or driving and suddenly feel like breaking down. Doing something fun, and wanting to break. Then, when you are alone and can cry, nothing happens. It's like my emotions are completely broken. And my sex drive is completely gone. Poor Aaron. It's just kind of shitty all around.
My mom was out here for 3 weeks for Bertie's birthday. It was so nice having her here, and it went way too fast. Both kids loved having her here. I'm not sure that Bertram ever stopped talking. And Bron is just the most smiling, happiest kid around.
We had Bertie's 4th birthday. Just family, like always (or at least another year). He wanted a PJ Masks party. So we found decorations and balloons and all the usual things. I made two cakes. He originally told me he wanted a chocolate and strawberry cake. I made one with chocolate frosting, and then he told me he wanted vanilla frosting. So I made a second cake (which is just as well, since one probably wouldn't have been enough). They both turned out well. We had fruit, veggies and pizza. Then he wanted to open gifts. He got a lot of space stuff, books, and puzzles. He was a happy guy. We sang and all had cake. The kids were playing with the star-shaped confetti, which I told them not to do while they ate. I think Bertram must have set his fork down on one, because he started crying and gagging. (God, it was so scary, I'm still upset over it). I ran over and looked in his mouth, I couldn't see it. He kept saying that it hurt, and would gag again. I tried finger-sweeping him, with no success. I called my mom to help. She wasn't panicked like I was. He gagged a few more times and out it came. He gagged a little more and then cried and cried. I held him and cried too. I kept thinking, why did I put that stupid confetti there? He got over it a lot quicker than I did. (Since I'm still not). But it didn't ruin his day, which is good.
He had his well check. He is just about 50th% for height and weight. He's still not jumping or peddling, so we're starting PT tomorrow. And he sees the ophthalmologist on Monday to determine if he's colour blind. I told him he wasn't getting any shots, because he was concerned. The problem was, I didn't know he was getting boosters. He was sad, and cried. And I did my best not to cry, because, my emotions are out of whack.
Anyway, on top of all the depression stuff, the kids are my sunshine. I just think about how lucky I am to be their mom.
Saturday, February 3, 2018
Bronwyn has tried a couple new foods: yam and apple sauce. She likes both of those. I think I'll stick with orange foods and try carrots and pumpkin next.
But, today she threw up. It was really worrisome, since Bertram has never thrown up (he barely ever spat up). I gave her rice cereal and apple sauce for brekkie, after nursing. We went to the flea market, and she threw up there, bubbly, frothy and a little yellow (bile, I'd guess). Then a few more times on the drive home. She was retching, and then she'd cry. I felt so sad. When we got home, I nursed her and after a bit she threw up again. I let her rest for a bit. She seemed tired, so I laid down with her, and nursed her to sleep. Then she was ok. Everything stayed down. She does have a little fever, 99.9. We'll see how she does tonight.
Grandma hasn't been feeling well either, which is always concerning, since she is 93. She went to the hospital earlier this week for severe back pain. She was really dehydrated, and she'd been mixing up her medication. Then she ended up back in the ER today, because she was throwing up and had diarrhea. We were concerned that she had the flu, since it's been so bad this year. She was released and they said it was probably a virus. I worry it may be withdrawal from pain meds (I think she had been taking more than she realized. And after the first ER visit they said no more pain meds).
But, today she threw up. It was really worrisome, since Bertram has never thrown up (he barely ever spat up). I gave her rice cereal and apple sauce for brekkie, after nursing. We went to the flea market, and she threw up there, bubbly, frothy and a little yellow (bile, I'd guess). Then a few more times on the drive home. She was retching, and then she'd cry. I felt so sad. When we got home, I nursed her and after a bit she threw up again. I let her rest for a bit. She seemed tired, so I laid down with her, and nursed her to sleep. Then she was ok. Everything stayed down. She does have a little fever, 99.9. We'll see how she does tonight.
Grandma hasn't been feeling well either, which is always concerning, since she is 93. She went to the hospital earlier this week for severe back pain. She was really dehydrated, and she'd been mixing up her medication. Then she ended up back in the ER today, because she was throwing up and had diarrhea. We were concerned that she had the flu, since it's been so bad this year. She was released and they said it was probably a virus. I worry it may be withdrawal from pain meds (I think she had been taking more than she realized. And after the first ER visit they said no more pain meds).
Monday, January 29, 2018
A month later
Another month has gone by, I should be more consistent.
I switched my antidepressant from Celexa to Effexor. It's still pretty new, but it seems to be working alright. I also restarted Humira, which is annoying.
Bronwyn is getting closer to crawling. She is getting up on all fours, but only briefly. She had her 6 month check up. She is a tiny thing: 13.4 lbs, which is 6th %ile, and 25.75" long, which is 24th %ile. I guess we just make little babies. We've started some solid food, but she's not too interested. She's tried rice cereal, avocado, and peas. She tolerates the cereal but doesn't like much else. She is working on her first tooth, but nothing has come through yet. She loves to chew and drool. But hasn't been sleeping well as a result.
My sister was here for a week to visit. That was fun, but sad when she had to leave. But my mom will be here in a few weeks.
I've started working on the taxes, but we're still missing Aaron's student loan stuff. So far it looks pretty good.
I switched my antidepressant from Celexa to Effexor. It's still pretty new, but it seems to be working alright. I also restarted Humira, which is annoying.
Bronwyn is getting closer to crawling. She is getting up on all fours, but only briefly. She had her 6 month check up. She is a tiny thing: 13.4 lbs, which is 6th %ile, and 25.75" long, which is 24th %ile. I guess we just make little babies. We've started some solid food, but she's not too interested. She's tried rice cereal, avocado, and peas. She tolerates the cereal but doesn't like much else. She is working on her first tooth, but nothing has come through yet. She loves to chew and drool. But hasn't been sleeping well as a result.
My sister was here for a week to visit. That was fun, but sad when she had to leave. But my mom will be here in a few weeks.
I've started working on the taxes, but we're still missing Aaron's student loan stuff. So far it looks pretty good.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)