A non-sad post

Today has been a great, and very laid back day.  We slept in a little and snuggled in bed with our baby.  He's very much a mama's boy lately.  He loves daddy, but only wants mama.  Bertie sat in the swing while Aaron and I got the house looking good.  (I have no clue how we manage to so thoroughly destroy it in such a short time period).  Got the laundry put away, played with Bertie on the floor for a bit.  He's currently taking nap #2 for the day.  He had some rice cereal earlier, he's really starting to like it, I think.  He ate the whole bowl.  (Last night he only ate half, and Zelda finished the rest).

Also today, I finished the last (90th) day of the Bikini Body Mommy challenge!  I'm really proud of myself.  I can't believe I stuck to it, and finished it.  I'm going to do my final measurements and weigh in tomorrow.  Then the whole thing starts anew in a week.

Bertie had two doctors' appointments this week.  The first was his 6 month check up.  Turns out, he's still a little guy.  Weight: 15lb7oz (12.5%), height: 26" (22%), and head: 44.5cm (83%).  Little guy, big head.  :-)  He did well, he's on track, meeting all his milestones.  He got three shots, which he was not happy about. The next day he had the follow up with his orthopedist.  He also had his first x-ray.  Everything looked great.  His acetabulum look great, nice and round.  That means he doesn't need to wear his brace anymore!  Woohoo!  He'll have a follow up in another 6 months, just to make sure all is well.

I feel blue

I shouldn't, but I do.

Bertie had his 6 month check up today.  Everything is fine, he's growing on the curve.  He's still tiny (height and weight in the 12th and 13th percentiles), with a huge head (the 83rd percentile).  He's meeting his milestones, and is a happy, healthy boy.  He got his shots, which is always sad, and then fell asleep for 2 hours.

So why am I sad?

I read in a couple of the online breastfeeding groups about women exclusively breastfeeding beyond 6 months, to 7.5 and 8 months.  So I asked the pediatrician about that (because I'd not heard much about that).  She said it's not the best idea, since after 6 months babies need a lot more iron, which they can't get from breast milk. I guess my face must have dropped, because she started reassuring me to keep breastfeeding, just add in food bit by bit.

I feel sad to not be his only food supply (pizza pie).  I think I'm sad that he's growing up.  I used to think it was so dumb to hear moms lamenting about babies growing up.  Of course, they're supposed to grow up.  If they stay little forever you're doing something wrong.  But now I get it.  I just want time to slow down a little more.

He had his first bowl of rice cereal tonight.  He loved it.

:Le Sigh:

Today felt had for no particular reason.

I feel like I didn't get enough snuggle/cuddle time with Bertie.  Like I miss him, and he's 20 feet away.  Like I didn't do enough for him, or mommy him enough today.  I feel like a failure.  For no particular reason.

Bertram woke up before I left for work, so I got to nurse him.  (I actually nursed and pumped at the same time). But when I had to leave he was reaching for me (he's started doing that a little).  Granted, he was fine staying with Aaron, but it's hard to leave.

Work was fine.

When I got home, he was asleep at my MiL's house (two doors down).  So I exercised, and showered, and ate lunch.  Then Bertie was awake, so I changed him, and nursed him.  I thought he might still be tired, but he wasn't.

Then we had to run around and do errands.  He wasn't happy while we were doing that, but he slept a little.  But then not when we got home.

I think I concentrated too much on getting things done, and not enough on being mommy.

And it's 9pm and Aaron is just leaving work.

The only thing I have to do tomorrow is exercise.  So I'm going to cuddle and cuddle and cuddle.

All About the Boob Part 2

The beginning of our breastfeeding journey.  This was right after I woke up from my c-section.  I couldn't walk yet, but I really wanted to hold my baby, and nurse him.  They decided they would wheel my gurney into the NICU (something they'd never done before, apparently). He took right to the breast.

Skin to skin.

When he was tiny (read: under 8 pounds) I needed to feed him at least every three hours.  I set an alarm throughout the night.  Most of the time, he'd wake up before.  I was so happy when he had gained enough wait to let him tell me when it was time to eat. 

The hardest part was early on, when I was really sleep deprived, and my nipples were still not toughened.  I remember sitting in our recliner, in the middle of the night, nursing Bertie and sobbing.  I used all sorts of creams, and balms (they didn't help much).  Then one day, it didn't hurt anymore.

 

I think this was before I stopped using a cover. I fed him in quite a few fitting rooms.  I still do from time to time.  Sometimes it's the closest place with a seat.

Feeding Bertie in the great outdoors.  (At the boy scout camp, when no scouts were there.)

This is my favourite position to feed him.  I'm not sure why it took me so long to discover this.  I fed him upright for a long time.  (I read recently that it doesn't work well til about 2 months, so maybe that's why).  This is easiest now, because he really likes to kick, and then he falls off the boob.

Asleep on the boob.  This happens a lot.

This one is from last week.

Now that I'm back at work, he gets a few bottles a week.  It makes me kind of sad.  Like the first time I missed a feeding.  I pumped before I left, but it wasn't the same.  I love being snuggled up with my boy.

All About the Boob

A long time ago, before we were ever thinking about having babies, I already decided I'd breastfeed.  I don't know when I made that decision, but it was something I knew I'd do.  I knew I would do it, despite the fact that it ooged me out.  Breasts were private, and sexual, and having a baby attached was weird and icky.  I hated seeing women breastfeed without covers.  How disrespectful!  I don't want to see that.  I never thought they should go to the bathroom, but use a cover!

When I was pregnant we took a breastfeeding class.  I still felt a little oogy.  It also seemed potentially difficult.  Before getting pregnant (and before thinking about it), I assumed it was easy.  People have been having babies for thousands of years.  They breastfed before lactation class, before formula, even before midwives.  How difficult could it be?  Apparently very.  There are different holds, pillows, and bras.  There are a lot of things to remember: which side was last, is the latch correct, how many wet and dirty diapers were there?

My plan was for formula to never touch Bertie's lips.  I would have a natural birth, after which Bertie would be put right on my chest and I'd nurse him right away.  ...Or, go into labour 3 weeks early, get an epidural, have an emergency c-section, and not get to see the baby for 2+ hours after his birth.  He was started on formula right away (despite Kaiser being a very, very pro breastfeeding hospital), because he was really tiny and had low APGAR scores.  But I was able to nurse him and he took to the breast right away.

We were able to stop formula before he left the hospital, and have been breastfeeding ever since.  I've been fortunate that our journey has been pretty easy.  He had a couple of very minor latch issues that were easily fixed.  One bout of mastitis.  No issues with supply, I've been pumping and storing since the beginning.  We introduced a bottle at the right time, so he takes one without issue.

As for me, I've got from being ooged out, to militant breastfeeder.  I will feed him, anywhere, anytime, without cover.  I do try to be discrete, but I don't go too far out of my way.  Feeding him is close to a top priority.

Catching up.

• I went back to work last week.  I'm supposed to work MWF 6:30-10:30am.  I also worked on Thursday.  The main girl in billing was off on Thursday and Friday, and Thursday was also staff meeting day.  So my boss said I could bring Bertie with me that day.  I got to work on Thursday at 8:45.  Bertie took a nap in the adjoining office.  He did well while he was awake.  He got fussy during the staff meeting, and figured out that he does need to be covered, and can pull it off.  So I stood behind a cubicle wall.  I usually don't care, but since it's work, I was trying to be a little more discrete.  As for the rest of the days: it wasn't too hard to go back to work.  The schedule is really good, working so early. I think it was a little harder for Aaron, he hasn't quite gotten a morning routine down.  
  
  This is the outfit Aaron chose on Monday. Plaid and stripes, good combo.
  
• Bertram almost rolled back to front this week.  He was up on his side, and then almost all the way over, but then went back.
• He also is scratching things with all five fingers.
• I tried on my test pants this week.  When I first tried them, they would only come up to my mid-thigh.  This time, I could pull them all the way up.  They won't button, but they go up!  Yay!
• We went to Giorgio's for my dad's dinner on Monday.  And we went to dinner at Olive Garden for Amanda's birthday yesterday.
• On Friday, Bertie and I went to Costco with Janet and Dennis.  Costco is maddening, I'm glad I don't go there too often.  

The things I want to remember

Yesterday: Eating by myself at Applebee's when Bertie was five months old. Bertie decided he didn't want to sit in his car seat anymore.  So he sat in my lap the whole time while I ate, trying to grab anything within reach.  I gave him my sunglasses, two napkins, two sugar packets, but he still wanted my plate, my fork, my diet coke.  At the end of the meal, I gave him my empty glass, which was cold, and covered in condensation.  He sucked and licked and bit that.

Ongoing: When he's nursing, stops, and looks up at me with a big smile, and dribbles milk everywhere.

Ongoing: When I change his diaper, and rub rash cream on him.  He decides to help out and rub cream too (usually on his belly, thigh or face).

Today: Woke up from napping with Bertram.  I looked over at him, he was already awake, and gave me the biggest smile.

Currently: The long curly hair above either ear.  (Mad scientist/rabbi).