College interruptus

 A couple days ago I had my counseling call with the online School of Public Health at SJSU. I need three specific lower GE classes before I can apply to the program. To save money, she suggested I look at community colleges, that those classes, then apply for the program. I figured this would be easy, since we have about 5 local community colleges. The issue is none of them offer any of those classes. 

My next option would be to take them at SJSU, which would cost a lot more, and there is more hassle of having to work within CSU system deadlines. I looked into applying last night, but all registration is closed until Aug 1st. So I have to wait.

Another issue, is that, looking though the required courses for a BS in PH is that (through the regular part of the university) VERY few of the needed classes are available online. So I would need to commute to school (which isn't far, but parking is usually an issue) or take the light rail, which is fine but gives me less freedom. 

I'm not sure it would be useful to take 3 classes, then have to apply for another program, so I can do it online.  Or, if I should just do it all (of the majority of it) on campus.  I'm leaning towards the traditional way, and hoping the classes can fit into my schedule with the kids.

It all feels overwhelming and stressful. If only I weren't 18 when I did this the first time, and had some perspective. I could have chosen one major and stuck with it. In reality, I probably should have gone to community college. The reason I didn't: we had a big assembly my senior year of high school on the importance of going to a 4-year institution. Because you were way less likely to get an actual degree of you went to community college. It was like a scare tactic (which worked). But jokes on them, I went to a 4-year, for 4 years and have 116 miscellaneous credits to show for it. At least if I'd gone to community college I'd have an AA, AS, or some certification.

After all this, I get stuck in a spiral of, do I even want to do this? Am I just bored? Wouldn't I rather my time be my own? 

And even though no one has ever said anything about it, I feel a lot of shame that I don't have a college degree. I did everything right in high school to put myself in place for a good education. I was accepted to excellent schools. And in the end, let my anxiety win by choosing the (less excellent, but fine) school in town.  (I was worried I would hate being away from home, not make any friends, or of hating my roommate, and the college scene in general (I don't like to drink, or party).)

Anyway, just feeling blue, stuck, and a bit hopeless.

Something crazy

 I'm thinking about doing something. Something out of character, and crazy. (Well, I think it's crazy). That is, I'm thinking about going back to school.

It's been on my mind, off and on, since I left in 2005 without a degree. I went through a few majors and ran out of time before grown up life (ie getting married) took me away from academia. I went in as a Biochemical Engineering major (haha, what was I thinking). Then as a Biology major (which I loved, but you also HAD to minor in Chemistry, which was not something I could grasp. I barely passed my intro course with a C). So I had to change, and went with my passion, which was Art. The problem with Art (aside from it having very little real world practicality), is that the majority of classes are studio classes, which take up huge blocks of time, and therefore, you can only take a couple each semester. If I were to return to art as a part-time student it would take ages to graduate. I could likely take one class a semester.

So I won't be returning as an Art major.

No. I want to do something useful. Something interesting. Something, that despite the fact that I'll likely be almost 50 when I finish, I could have a career, not just a job.

I was to major in Public Health.

I want to be a helper. I want to improve the community, and educate those within it.  

Aaron sent me a chart of the 10 sectors of public health. I'm not interested in the Policy sectors. (At least, I don't think I am. I don't know what I don't know).

I'll likely return to San Jose State. They have either a hybrid or all online program. I'm leaning toward the online program. The tuition is the same (as far as I can tell), and it'll be easier for me to schedule around the kids. I'll probably start out as part time, so I can ease back into it.

If I'm feeling really crazy, maybe I'll look into an MPH (Masters of Public Health).  But first things first.

The one problem I'm running into is the end result: working. I haven't worked full-time in over 10 years. I haven't worked part-time in over 7 years. I generally enjoy not having a "real job". I like taking care of the house, and making the kids a priority. Plus the fact that the majority of the Mental Load belongs to me isn't a huge burden, because that is essentially my only job. If I work outside the home, especially full time, the house is not going to be as put together and that makes me anxious. Plus, I'll then have the Mental Load of home and work. This is a concern.

But these are not concerns for now. I don't have to work, and I don't have to be full-time.

I got a copy of my transcripts. I have 116 credits. Most programs are 120 credits. But I have no idea how many will transfer to Public Health. (And hopefully they're still good, 20 years later). I have a phone appointment with an enrollment advisor in the end of June, which is where I'll start. I also sent in an info request to San Diego State University. They also have an online PH program, which a few more concentrations. And the cost would be the same. The only issue is they aren't local, so any issues would have to be dealt with by phone and email.  I looked at a couple other schools, but out of state tuition is killer. (I didn't realize it was a thing with online programs, but it is).

That's what I've been thinking about. I am full of trepidation and anxiety. But the thought of actually earning a degree is thrilling.

29. Higher Education

Both of my parents were the first (and only) in their families to go to college. Dad got a BS and two masters. Mom got her RN and BSN.

I was determined to continue the trend. I did well in high school and got into most of the schools I applied to. I ended up at the local state school. My parents paid for school. I enjoyed it, for the most part. But I didn't have a solid goal. I really wanted to major in Biology. I wanted it a lot, I loved biology. Unfortunately, at my school, a Bio major required a chem minor. And try as I might, I could not get chem. I really wanted to, it was very interesting. But even after hours of group and individual study, I only got a C. (The minimum needed to pass chem 1.)

After that I switched to my other passion, art. I liked the art major even more. But most classes were studio classes, which were 6+ class hours a week. It is really had to take all the required classes, because there isn't enough time. So it takes a long time to complete.

On top of this, I was working 20 hours a week, so some of my days were lost to that.

After 5 years of college, I had a lot of credits, but not enough in any subject to graduate.

Then we moved, and that was it for college. I worked full time until I had Bertie.

I day dream about finishing, but there isn't much of a point, except to say I did it. I don't have plans or dreams of a career. And unfortunately a degree doesn't mean what it used to.

My little sister got her degree. I couldn't be prouder, but also disappointed in myself.

But there is always one day...