Mid-Late June

At the end of April I had an appointment with my tattoo artist.  I added on two flowers for my grandparents.  A magnolia blossom and Queen Anne's lace.  Both of which make me nostalgic for my childhood summers on their farm.

In May there was a carnival at Bert's school.  I think Bron enjoyed it more than Bert did.  But they both had enough fun.  Bert was hoping the snow cone truck would come, but it didn't.  There was a churro truck, which was a good consolation.  

The next day was Scout-o-Rama.  Bron got over-stimulated.  Bert had a good time.  

The kids participated in some online research for eye-tracking related to autism.  They both got a gift card for amazon.  They both like participating in research projects (the gift cards help).  But I always sign up for various research studies too, something my mom instilled in me.

We went to the Makers' Fair the weekend after Scout-o-Rama.  It's where local people sell local-made goods.  We went to one before Christmas as well.  I really enjoy them, and the kids get bored.  Next time I think we'll leave them with the grandparents.  It's hard to look at lots of things with them.  They both do pretty well when we go shopping, but I guess this is different.

Bronwyn's school had young author's fair.  She, originally didn't participate.  The teacher worked, and worked with her.  She even offered to write, if Bron would dictate.  No dice.  So I wasn't going to go to the presentation, because she had nothing to present.  Aaron took her to school that day, and told me I needed to come and be with her, she was starting to freak out.  So I came to school to be with her.  And she was starting to melt down.  But I found out, that she did write the book, in her speech class, so she had something to present.  She was worried that so-and-so was in her group and he'd be mean to her.  It turns out so-and-so wasn't in her group, so she calmed down.  She read her book to the group of bigger kids without issue.  I was so so proud of her and told her as much.  Writing is the hardest thing for her.  

Around this time, my older sister came for her annual visit.  She and my dad went to Vegas, and a few other more local places.

Kids finished up the school year.  

Bron had a field trip to the park with her class.  I volunteered to go along, mostly to keep an eye on her, because situations that are different are hard for her.  She did fine.  Until we got back, then she was melting down a little.  Hitting, and being mean.  But she rallied.  At the end of the year, the whole class got awards for various things.  Bron got the Reset Award for being able to reset her emotions when she gets upset.  That is a well-earned, hard-worked for award.  I think she was able to finish up the school year without getting send home.
We were originally hoping that Bron could switch to Bert's school after kindergarten.  But her school is a better fit for her, and she in able to get more services there.  So she'll stay.  It's rough having two kids at two schools. But we do what we have to do.

Bert did a presentation on How to do Scratch.  I went and recorded it.  He did a great job.  The kids really liked it, and were very interested.  He did pretty well at the end.  His report card only had a couple of 2s and Ns.  

We went to the tide pools with the scout troop.  I think the kids really enjoyed it.  And I like the anemones.  I hadn't been to the tide pools in a long time.  We stayed at the beach for a bit after.  But Bronwyn got run over by a wave, which was our cue to head home.

I had 2 unsuccessful blood/platelet donations in a row.  The first time, they couldn't get a good vein (and they're only allowed to stick you once).  I think my draw-er was new.  I went back a couple weeks later to donate platelets, but my red loss was too high, so I wasn't able to donate.  

Bronwyn started Summer school.  It's just 8-11am, short days, which are nice.  The first day was a little rough, but she found her groove after that.  

On June 1st, Nanny passed away.  She had been ready for a long time, well over a year.  I got to see her in January, which was good, but she didn't remember me.  I bought last minute plane tickets for her memorial (June 17th).  I flew on Breeze for the first time.  It was a long flight, but having a direct flight was really nice.  I had to leave from SFO, but that wasn't a huge deal.  I got to spend a lot of time with my mom, which was awesome.  I got to see my sister and nephew a bit too.  Little Eddie isn't so little anymore.  He's not a huge fan of me.  My sister and I got mani/pedis.  The only time I ever do that is when she takes me.  I enjoy it, I should do it more.  But I have  hard time doing those things for myself.  The memorial was kind of weird.  Like really Jesus-y.  And very focused on being saved.  Which is fine for some, but she wasn't really like that when she was a live.  She was a devoted Christian and "knew" Jesus.  But, aside from meal-time prayer I do not remember Jesus ever being mentioned. My sister enjoyed catching up with the cousins at the luncheon.  She was like, you can talk to them too.  But I don't really have a relationship with any of them.  She does.  I think a lot of that is the fact that she lives there, and I don't.  But my social anxiety was on high.  

For my 40th birthday, Aaron did a Rachel day.  I got a nap, we went to Target and bought things I want.  We got what I wanted for lunch.  And we had a fancy (expensive) dinner.  Aaron ordered me a piece of jewelry, but it wasn't delivered until the 12th, actually the 15th.  So I got it when I got back from my trip.  

We also celebrated our 18th Anniversary.  But on that day, we found out that Bronwyn had covid.  So we ordered lunch in.  

Sick Bron

At the tide pools

The park field trip

My 40th Birthday

Painting the sidewalk

Bron's book for Young Author's Fair

Presenting her book

Bron and my sister

Bert's presentation

Bert at Scout o Rama

The magnolia tattoo

22. More memories of the farm

• Catching frogs/toads
• Catching lightning bugs
• Playing on the slip and slide on the hill with cousins.
• Walking down the crunchy gravel road
• Playing hide and seek with the cousins
• Sitting at the kids table
• Petting the cows noses through the fence
• The tall, tall trees on the edge of the yard
• How soft and warm the dirt in the garden was
• The trailer house that was at the pond, in its 70's decorated splendor
• Digging up little muscles or clams in the creek
• Grandpa letting us drive his truck
• The old blue bike I would ride around
• The hum of the crickets, frogs, cicadas (and whatever else)
• How we would always unbuckle our seat belts as soon as we turned on to the country road
• How nanny always says "Hi Darlin'!"
• And the smell of her Shalimar
• The time when Rebecca was little, and walked through the tall grass.  She was covered in tiny ticks. 
• The warm summer rain
• The braided rug, under the table in the kitchen

4. Nanny and Grandpa

Nanny and Grandpa (or sometimes Papa) are my mom's parents.

As I mentioned previously, we would go out to visit them every summer, and occasionally in the winter.  They came out to California a handful of times as well.  Because of the distance we were never as close as they were with the rest of my cousins (who all lived in a 20 mile radius).

(I think about this with Bertie and my mom.  She gets to see him quarterly, which is pretty good, especially for living 3000 miles away.  I have a dream that when she's old, she'll move back and live near me).

I think I'm just going to list miscellaneous memories.  (It's more difficult than I thought it would be to write about relationships in one blog post).

• We would watch Price is Right everyday.  And, for a while, there was a radio station that also had it on.  Which is odd, when I think about it.
• When we drove around we would often listen to a Kenny Rogers cassette.  
• Grandpa smoked all his life (and was likely a factor in his death).  I never liked the smell of cigarette smoke.  But every now and then, I'll get a whiff that must have been his brand.  Smell memories (is that a thing?) are really powerful.
• Nanny always made (and still does) the best tuna salad.  I'm not sure what she does, because I know how she makes it, and still, it never tastes quite right.
• They always had a decent size garden.  I would go out with Grandpa and help him pick corn, green beans, lima beans and tomatoes.  Then we would sit at their big wooden kitchen table and shell them (or pull the ends off the green beans).
• When my cousins came to visit the farm, Grandpa would drive us all around in the back on his pick up truck; out into the woods, to the red clay canyon, the pond, and the abandoned house in the woods.  
• When it was just me and my sisters, he would take us on the pond (I say pond, but it was more like a lake(I just looked it up, it's called Shirley Millpond.)) and we would get in the little boat and go fishing.
• Nanny is a great cook.  She doesn't cook as much anymore, since it's just her most of the time.  
• They had a timeshare in Myrtle Beach for a long time.  We went with them a handful of times and stayed there for a week.  It was wonderful.  Especially when you compare the ocean temperatures between here and there.
• We used to play 500 Rummy quite a bit, then Rumicube. Grandpa would play solitaire a lot too.  I wish I could remember the kind he played.  (Mom, do you know?)
• On the farm, there was a huge clothesline.  I was usually too short to help hang clothes, but I liked running through the sheet and towels drying on the line.

That's all I've got for now.  As usual, I'm sure I'm forgetting a lot.  But it's a start.

Three weeks later?

It's been three weeks since I last posted?  Yeesh.

It's been kind of a tough week.  My depression has been creeping back in.  I've been really tired and disinterested.  Last night, for example, I went to sleep a little before 11:30.  I got up around 8 for a bit, and Bertie and I laid back down around 9.  We then slept til 12:20.  And I was still tired.  I ate a little, since I hadn't eaten yet.  Then I decided I'd better go for a walk, before I fell asleep again.  Bertie and I walked to Dollar Tree and back.

I've been really bad with exercise.  I haven't exercised (aside from walking) since last Wednesday.  I've felt so tired and unmotivated.  Sluggo.

We found out that Nanny is going to have to move from the farm in the Spring.  It's really sad.  The property owners said she could stay as long as she wanted (after my grandpa died).  Apparently, that wasn't true.  It's like the remainder of my childhood is over.  My mom grew up there.  And us kids spent every summer (and occasional Christmases) there.  It's one of my favourite places in all the world (maybe my favourite).  It's beautiful, lush, secluded, and quiet.  There are different wild woodland animals.  Growing up there were cows and a horse.  They always had various farm dogs (Gidget, Tanya, Black Jack, the other girl I can't remember).  We'd catch lightning bugs, go fishing in the lake, make mudslides at the red clay canyon, and climb in the giant magnolia tree.  Huge family dinners, and sitting with my cousins at the kids' table in the kitchen. Yeah.  There are a lot of memories.  It's sad to think that the last time I was there will probably be the last time.

Bertie has been his usual awesome self.  I just love him so much.  He's still a great sleeper at night.  His naps are hit or miss.  I think teeth are coming soon,I can see the outlines on his bottom gums.  He likes food. So far he's had rice cereal, oatmeal, quinoa, carrots, and sweet potatoes.  He really wants table food, but obviously isn't ready for it yet.  He's a very happy kid most of the time.  We're still working on sitting up, but he's not there yet.  Also, I still haven't seen him roll front to back.  

Aaron is going to be the camp director again next Summer.  I'm not sure how I feel about this.  I'm not thrilled about this.  But we'll get through it.