Traveling with Two

 I was able to find ticket to visit my mom and sisters for $303 each, which is pretty amazing.  The catch was that the flights are in and out of SFO, which is about 45 minutes away without traffic.  (We have the San Jose airport less than 15 minutes from our house, but it (almost) always costs a lot more to fly from there).  The other catch was that our departing flight was at 5am.  

The kids were both asleep around 8, the night before we flew, which was good.  The plan was to let them sleep until 2:40am.  They both went to sleep in their travel clothes, in case we needed to carry sleeping kids to the car.  That didn't end up being the case.  Bronwyn woke up at 1, and never went back to sleep (which means I was up at 1 as well).  And Bertram woke up at 2:20.  Both kids were chipper and happy.  Aaron slept til 2:40.  

(It's 3am, I couldn't sleep, and Bron just walked in).

In my infinite wisdom, I signed up for TSA Pre-Check.  That was a fantastic decision.  We finished checking in at the airport, and gave them our 2 suitcases.  I wasn't excepting a huge line at security, since it was 4am.  But lo and behold, the line was very long, especially for 4am.  I asked where the Pre-check line was, and someone pointed me a bit further down the concourse.  One person in front of us!  It was so quick I could hardly believe it.  We didn't have to take our shoes off, or anything.  It was amazing.  Definitely the best thing I could do for travel.  $75 well spent.  

The kids were still in good moods as we made our way to the gate.  They loved the spinning chairs.  I let them play.  We didn't have to sit at the gate too long before they started boarding.  Bert was bummed we were in boarding group 7.  He really wants to try First Class.  I told him when he was a teenage, he and I could fly first at some point.  

We sat in the penultimate row (by design).  I figured being close to the bathroom was a good plan (especially since Bron has only been potty trained since January).  I sat in the middle, Bert had the window, and Bron had the aisle. Bron's legs barely could touch the seat in front of her, if she tried.  But the lady in front turned around and said something like "I've traveled with kids before, so take this with a grain of salt.  But every time she touches my seat, I can feel it.  And I'm going to try to sleep.  If you could keep her feet down."  I internally rolled my eyes.  Her feet barely reach the seat.  And if you need that much TLC when you flight, don't fly coach.  But I told the lady I'd do my best.

Bron started to freak out at take off.  Because it was loud.  I gave her the tablet and headphones.  But it didn't help.  Once we were up in the air, I switched seats with her, so Kicky-Lady could have some peace.  But then Bron started crying, because it was loud.  I had to hold her, which meant her feet were more on Kicky-Lady's seat.  Oh well, my kid is screaming, so you're not sleeping anyway.  After a while, not too long, she calmed down.  In the middle of the flight she climbed in my lap and fell asleep.  Which was super uncomfortable.  But I tried to relish it, since it may be the last time she does that.  Bert just played his tablet and was perfect, in terms of behaviour.  Bron slept maybe an hour.  Then was fine.  The rest of the flight was uneventful.  

We arrived in Charlotte early.  The kids were miffed that we had to wait for everyone else to deplane before we could.  We had to change from concourse A to B.  It wasn't much of a walk.  Bert said he was starving.  We found our gate and still had 90 minutes.  So I suggested we get food.  Bert didn't want to leave the gate, in case the plane (which hadn't actually arrived yet) left without us.  But I convinced him to venture out with me.  We got a sandwich for me, and chips for the kids.  We sat at the gate and ate.  Bron needed to pee, Bert said he didn't and he'd stay at the gate.  So she and I ran off.  She doesn't like public bathrooms, too much flushing and hand dryers.  But she did fine.  Bert stayed put (I was fairly sure he would, but I get nervous).

The second flight was less eventful.  Both kids did great.  It was a very short flight.  When we arrived in Richmond we just the deplane line a bit, because the kids couldn't wait to see Nana.  I went with it.  Both kids ran to Nana.  Our suitcases were waiting for us when we got to baggage.  So everything had gone perfect, no late flights, kids behaved, bags arrived.  

I had been very anxious about this trip.  With all the cancelled flights, and two ASD kids, it is all up in the air (no pun intended).  Bert asked what would happen if we missed our connection plane.  I said we'd just get the next plane.  He seemed satisfied with that.  

As soon as we got to Nana's house, Bert said he wanted to go home.  He couldn't be there anymore.  This continued for a while.  Then we ate, and he was a bit better.  Bron wanted to explore outside.  (Neither kid cared that it was 95 outside).  So we found pinecones and sat on the porch swing.  My mom had to run a quick errand, so we decided to ride along.  Both kids fell asleep in the car, it was about 7.  I was hoping to keep them up to 8.  When we got home, I carried Bron to her bed, and she stayed asleep.  Bertram woke up.  And started in with wanting to go home again.  And he was too scared to sleep.  I told him I needed to shower and then I'd check on him.  He checked on me, in the shower, instead.  He calmed down a little, when I let him play Switch.  When I was ready to sleep, I told Bert he could sleep with me, when he was ready.  He came in a few minutes later, and went to sleep.

Now we're at the present time. I woke up at 2, and couldn't sleep anymore.  So I went to Bert's room to type.  And Bron came in around 3.  I typed, she watched Bluey and read a book.  Chipper as always.

Mid December

Training has been going ok.  Wednesday was a longer running section.  I'd been doing 2 minutes of running, followed by 2 minutes of walking, repeated for 30ish minutes.  Sometimes that was ok, sometimes it was a struggle.  Wednesday was 3 run, 2 walk.  I was dreading it, but it went really well, and I didn't wish I was dead.  I've kept up with workouts with week.  And I ever threw in an extra one after running on Wednesday.  I've been wanting to do more leg/butt strengthening training, but I didn't want to be sore for running.  I figured Wednesday to Saturday would be enough recovery, which it was.  So I may have start including that, when the kids will let me.  I haven't done my 4 mile run yet (it's 2/2).  I didn't sleep great, and was exhausted when the alarm went off.  But I should be able to do it some point this morning.

Everyone is well again, finally.  And, I think we've finally found a solution for Bertram's sleeping issues.  We had to stay in his room til he fell asleep, and then he'd wake up several times in the night and either get in bed with us, or we'd have to sleep with him.  One night, I left the reading light on in his room.  (We call it the Nana light, as it used to only be in the room when my mom visited).  He slept all night.  Now we've done it for the past 4 nights, and he stays in his room all night.  I think he was waking up in the dark and feeling lost or confused.  Now when he wakes up, he sees all is well and goes back to sleep.  Hallelujah!  I got several nights of 6 hours uninterrupted sleep, it was amazing.

Bertram is doing well with school.  He plays with a couple other boys, Kunal and Mayson.  (I don't think I mentioned previously that Bertram bit Mayson.  It was a confusing situation, since the teacher didn't see it happen.  Bertram said Mayson put his finger in Bertie's mouth while he was talking.  Which sounded like a lie, but Mayson later told the teacher the same thing.  So I'm not sure.  But I made Bertram write an apology note, and I apologized to his mom.)  I made his appointment for Kindergarten registration.  :sob:  I can't believe he'll be starting real school in the fall.  The district used to do half day kindergarten, but stopped (I'd guess) because parents had issue with child care.  I'm bummed that he'll be gone all day.  Plus that seems like a long time for a kid to sit still and listen.

Bronwyn has been picking up a lot of new words lately.  She calls our cat meow-meow.  She loves the Christmas trees and lights.  I counted yesterday, and she has almost 30 words (she'll be 17 months in a few days).  I think when Bertram was 18 months he had about 80 words, so she'll be close to that, I think.  She is very dramatic, and will throw herself to the floor when she is unhappy with something.  She is getting molars.  She has been eschewing all naps lately.  She still needs them, she just refuses.  It's irritating, because then she's a grump, which in turn makes me a grump. She was doing a pattern of wake up around 7, back to sleep around 8 until 10:30 or 11.  Then nap again from 1-3ish.  Maybe she only needs one nap now. I guess I'll have to experiment with that.  She is at an age that makes it very hard for me to do things while she's awake.  She is our little octopus, hands into everything.  And she still loves to put everything in her mouth. 

Aaron is currently hating his new job.  It doesn't seem like a very defined position.  For the first couple weeks no one knew what he should be doing with his time.  Then they had him work on a project that got scrapped.  So now he's back to reading manuals and twiddling his thumbs. 

My depression game is still strong.  I think I'm going to have to switch meds again.  What I'm on might be working if I were also taking Adderall, but Bron is still nursing, so I'll have to wait.

No sleep til

So far the sleep incentives haven't done much.  Bertie will go to bed without much of a fight.  But he still wakes us up every night, and he's still getting out of bed too early. 

In the mean time, my sleep quality and quantity have taken a nose dive.  Insomnia is bad, friends.  Even if I take a sleep aid, I'm often awake from 3 or 4 on.  Like, right now.  Bertie woke up, Bron woke up, and then I was awake.  I took half an Ambien, and still, I'm awake.  With 2 and a half hours of sleep to show for it. I had three nights this week with less than 4 hours of sleep.

On top of that (or maybe because of it) I'm feeling really burnt out.  It's tough, because if you're burnt out from your job you can take time off, or even find a new job.  Which is not to say I don't love my "job".  Being home with the kids is what I wanted, and I love it.  But I need a break, which seems awful to say.  And worse because I'm not sure what that looks like.  Bronwyn still wakes in the night to nurse about 3 days a week, so I can't take a night off.  And there isn't really anything I specifically want to do.  Actually, I want to spend time with the family, but not have to be "on".  Which I guess would mean everyone behaves perfectly.  So, that's not too likely either. 

I'm just rambling. 

Sleep screw up

Once upon a time, Bertram was a good sleeper.  He could sleep on his own, with minimum intervention from Aaron or me.  Fast forward to last night: it took him 1.5 hours to go to sleep, because someone had to sit with him.  Then he woke up at 4.  Normally, Aaron or I would lay down with him til he (or inevitably both of us) would fall asleep.  But, I realized how far we'd slid back on sleeping.  So we started minimal-contact-say-good-night-back-to-bed thing.  The problem with this is (of course that it sucks, but) you have to pass through Bronwyn's room to get to ours.  So going back and forth every 5 minutes wakes her up.  Especially since he's usually crying.  At some point, I told Aaron I'd stay in the front of the house, so Bron and Aaron could sleep uninterrupted.

Aside from putting him back in bed ad infinitum, I devised a plan.  I made a calendar (sticker chart).  He has the opportunity to earn 3 stickers each night. 
1. Going to bed on his own, without issue
2. Sleeping all night (aka don't wake mom and dad/Bronwyn)
3. Stay in bed til the clock changes colour.  (We got him a clock when he got his big bed that is blue when it's sleeping til and yellow when it's get up time.  It worked well, for a while, until we got lazy).

Once he earns 21 stickers, he will get a remote controlled BattleBot.  I think this will be a good incentive because he's been talking about it for months.  (They're between $30-40 so I was putting him off til Christmas or Birthday, but if this works, I'll happily buy it now.)

Fingers crossed.

Also, hopefully I get a nap today.

Quick catch up

I'm done with my root canal for now.  I go back to get my crown next week.

Something I've been eating has been bothering Bronwyn's tummy.  About a week and a half ago, I started an elimination diet.  This means no: wheat, corn, soy, eggs, dairy, peanuts, or treenuts.  It is challenging to find packaged foods I can eat (and also not spend a fortune).  I've been doing rice krispies or chex for brekkie.  Oatmeal would be ok, but I haven't been in an oatmeal mood lately.  I've been drinking coconut or flax milk (the flax is better than the coconut).  I found some rye flour and rye crackers, sunflower butter, sesame crackers, rice cakes, most meats, rice and veg.  I've tried a few allergen free dessert recipes, with mixed success.  It is difficult to find food without soy and corn.  Corn syrup is in EVERYTHING.  Anyway, it's miserable, and sad.  And it seems to be upsetting my tummy some.  But she seems to be improving, slowing.

Bronwyn hasn't been sleeping well.  She doesn't sleep in her own bed, at all.  And this whole week, the earliest I've been able to get her to sleep is 2am (that was only one night, it was after 3 the other two).  So I'm exhausted and she's a grump.

That's all I can think of for now.  I'm a little brain dead.

13. Insomnia

Sleep issues seem to run in the family.

I have had insomnia off and on since 4th or 5th grade.  I can remember watching an episode of The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson with my dad, and he stopped hosting when I was 9.  Some of my insomnia came with my OCD tendencies: is the door locked? did I really lock it? did I actually check that other door? better check again.  is the toaster plugged in? etc.  But aside from that I couldn't make my mind calm down.  And then I would stress out because I was still awake.

In middle school it wasn't as bad, because class didn't start until 9:30 (not sure who thought of that schedule, but they're a genius).  I'd stay up late, listening to Loveline, or watching Jay Leno, and go to sleep at 12 or 12:30, and have no issues getting up.  That changed in high school because we started at 7:20.  So I took OTC medicine to help sometimes.  I trying Unisom, which was the worst.  Benedryl and Nyquil were what I used most often.  Not everyday, but probably at least once a week.  I had done all the regular tips, no caffeine, no naps, a relaxing routine, etc, but nothing ever helped.

In late high school or college, I got a prescription for Lunestra.  That was a wonderful, miracle drug.  With the exception that it made your mouth taste awful the next day (the whole next day).  After that I moved on to Ambien, which I like better than Lunesta.  I feel like the Lunesta works quicker (and better) but there is no after taste with Ambien.  Currently I'm out of sleep meds, and use melatonin on occasion. But now that I'm working the swing shift 4 nights a week, my rhythms are all off (hence the second 1am blog post this week).  I think I may ask my shrink for a new Ambien Rx, to help on my off days.  But I'll see what he says.

My mom (as previously mentioned) worked nights for 20+ years, so she was always tired.  She really could nap anytime, though didn't have the opportunity very often.

My dad has had insomnia off and on most of his life.  He tried prescription sleep meds, but had issues with them (sleepwalking).  Now that he's getting older, he doesn't sleep much at night, but naps most days.

Rebecca has intermittent insomnia too.  And Jessica, for a while anyway, was practically nocturnal.  (She was very active in some online groups that kept late hours (or had many members overseas)).  Now that she has a more regulated schedule she is less-nocturnal, but still leans that way.

Aaron, on the other hand, had never had sleeping issues.  We'll go to bed, he'll say he's not tired, and be asleep in 5 minutes.  I am beyond jealous, and hope that Bertie takes after him in that aspect.

Week One; done.

It's 6:30am.  I'm off my shift, and currently feeling awake.

It felt like a long week.  I worked 5 days.  I really like the work, it's busy and physical.  I get all 10,000 steps and then some whilst I'm there.  I worked in the same section all week; shelves U1-U11 and a couple C-shelves too.  There are probably 30-40 people on the shift.  We all work from 12:15-3 then a 15 minute break, then back to work til 5:30.  I've been working with Harpreet (I think is her name) all week, the other people in that area have switched daily.  Usually there are 3 people in each section: the diverter (the person who pulls the boxes off the main line), and two Ps (I cannot remember what that stands for right now.  Maybe pre-depart?).  Sometimes there are three pre-depart people.  That's what I did all week.

The schedule has been a little trying on the family.  Aaron has been amazing picking up my stack.  He's told me he's proud of me for working every day.  And brought flowers.  And done Bertie's bedtime routine without me all week.  Plus I haven't been myself, due to sleep deprivation.

But...

 There is a new schedule starting on October 2nd.  I'll be working Friday-Monday 8:15pm to 1:15am.  This is going to be a way better schedule.  I can sleep at a nearly normal time.  And it's over the weekend, so Aaron can watch Bertie if I do need a nap.  I am a little concerned that I may hit a little traffic going into work, but I think it won't be too bad.

That's all for now.  Off to bed.

Not much

Not too much is going on.  I feel like I've been floating along.

I got a filing last week, it wasn't too bad. Especially since I hate going to the dentist.  I have three more sessions in August, since my cavities are all over the place.

I've been eating like crap, but keeping up the exercise.  So I'm not feeling too bad.

I've been having some insomnia.  Mostly waking up and not going back to sleep.  I don't mind this much though, I like being up early, and I get tons done.

I had to get four new tires on Friday.  That sucked, tires are expensive, and we don't have a lot of money. I should probably see if I can find a job that might work.  I kind of miss working, but I kind of like being home all the time.

Bertie has been a handful,  But I think he always is.  He is a good kid, and I love being with him.  He works on my patience though.  On Thursday I took him to Happy Hollow.  He is just barely talk enough to ride all the rides.  He decided he wanted to go on the roller coaster. It's a small one, but big for him.  So we rode on it, and as it started he said he wanted to get off.  He wasn't happy on it, but he didn't cry.  Once it stopped and we got off, he said he wanted to go again.  We didn't though.  The other ride he went on was the little train that goes around the park.  So he went on the scariest ride, and the least scary.  But he refused to go on anything in between.  Funny guy.  We have a season pass, so we'll go again in a couple weeks.

Bertram starts swimming lessons tomorrow.  It's mommy and me.  I love swimming, and he likes the water, so fingers crossed, it will go well.  After that we're doing a gymnastics class.  Swimming is a necessity, but we'll do other things to see what he likes.  I asked a lady at church about piano lessons (she's a piano teacher), she said she doesn't start teaching kids til 4-5.  So we'll have some time on that.

Vacation etc

The trip to Virginia was somewhat awful.  We left SFO on time at 1pm.  We flew to Charlotte, NC.  But when our plane arrived, the airport was closed due to a huge storm.  So we circled around in the air for 45 minutes.  Then we were finally cleared to land, but because no one could move during the storm, there was a huge cluster-fuck of planes clamoring for gates.  So we sat on the tarmac for another 45+ minutes.  Some of the passengers were getting rude, because it was totally the flight attendants fault (eye roll).  We had been checking our flight to Richmond and it had been delayed (as all the flights had), but it wasn't delayed long enough.  Even if we had landed before it left, it was across the airport from where we came in.  Aaron talked to a gate agent, who confirmed the flight had left.  We had two options (I think it was 11:30pm at this point) either try to get on a flight to Norfolk (about 90 minutes away from my mom's house), or wait til 7:30 the next morning.  I made the unilateral decision that we would go to Norfolk.  If we didn't have Bertie, I would have said we could spend the night in the airport.  But we would need to find a hotel, a way there, spend money, likely have Bertie not sleep, not have our clothes, possibly run out of diapers, etc.  The plane to Norfolk was already boarding, but was only 10 gates away, so we ran, and got there.  In total, we spent 10 minutes in the actual airport.  (I should mention was Bertie was great.  He slept a bit, and was overall a good traveler).  We got into Norfolk around 1am.  Our suitcases, of course, didn't show up.  We talked to the American Airlines agents, and they said they would show up at Richmond on the next flight (8:30 the next morning).  Then we waited.  It was close to 2 before my mom and stepdad got there (even with him speeding some).  Aaron was unhappy, Bertie was having fun running around the abandoned baggage claim.  Bertie fell asleep in the car on the way to their house.  We arrived at 3:30am.  Bertram refused to sleep in him crib, so we put him in bed with us.  But he didn't sleep.  I took him out of bed close to 4:30, and we went downstairs.  I couldn't get the cable to work.  Around 5 we walked across the yard to the other house.  (My mom and stepdad were originally neighbours.  She moved into his house, and my older sister lives in what was my mom's house).  We turned on the tv, and watched cartoons.  I was exhausted, of course, but Bertie was going strong.  I think my mom and stepdad got up around 5:45.  I think around 8:30 (24 hours awake), I went back to the first house (where Aaron, and my dad (who had arrived a little before we did, and why my mom was so late getting to Norfolk) were sleeping).  I crashed for 2.5 hours.  Bertie finally fell asleep at 9:30 and slept til 12:30.

My mom bought a crib to replace her pack n play.  After the Florida Incident I told her the pack n play was not going to cut it.  That night we went to put him to bed, and the crib mattress was a little high.  He started panicking, and promptly fell out of the crib.  So after lowering it, Aaron and I camped out on the floor until he fell asleep.  After a couple nights of this, I got permission from his pediatrician to give him melatonin and benedryl.  That is like a roofie for babies!  He went to bed so easily.  We did that for 2 nights (as recommended), and then didn't have issue after that.

My little sister was sharing the room with Bertie.  She was staying over for the week prior to her wedding, so she and I could spend time together and also to get wedding stuff done.  The night before her wedding, she and Aaron swapped, and she slept with me, and he slept in Bertie's room.

The day after we arrived, my mom's friend Genie arrived (she lives in CA too, but more central than we do).  She is a level one badass.  She gets things done, and is a wedding expert.  Plus she's fun and funny.

On Thursday night there was a huge storm.  Lots of thunder, lightning and wind.  It seemed like a bad storm, but not terrible.  We didn't lose power, but the cable/internet went out.  We drove around the next morning to run wedding errands, and found lots of places had no power, roads were closed due to downed trees, and there was some flooding.  Yet, somehow, everything for the wedding was ok.  The venue didn't lose power, and didn't have any tree damage.  Her caterers ran on generators to make the food.  The hair salon had no power, but came to the venue for styling.  And the nail salon still had power.  (Many places only got power back yesterday).

The wedding was beautiful.  I cried like a baby.  My mom cried, my dad cried, the groom cried.  It was a moving day.  It wasn't too hot, it didn't rain, no one got too drunk.  Unfortunately, we had to leave before anything too fun happened, because we have a two-year-old.  We left after dinner, but missed the toasts, dancing, cake, and sparkler send off.  I got to read my dad's toast, it was awesome.

Now my sister and brother in law are in Aruba.  It's weird because it'll be the longest I've gone without talking to her.

Aaron and Genie went home this morning (on the same flight).  My dad goes home tomorrow mid-day.  Bertie and I have til next Tuesday.

I want to say I love how my family gets along.  My mom and dad get along way better now.  And my dad and stepdad get along too.  My dad said (more than once) that he didn't realized how much he missed talking with my mom's mom.  

Vacation is over.

I've been in Virginia for the last two weeks.  Bertie and I head home tomorrow.

We had a pretty good trip.  A few hiccups:

• The red eye here was hard.  Bertie did pretty well, but the planes were completely full.  He is a wiggly sleeper, and he's big for sleeping in my lap now. 
• He hasn't slept well the whole trip.  I'm chalking it up to separation anxiety.  He has a hard time being away from me too.  I've had to sneak away.  When he wakes up at night he cries til I come in.  And I have to stay in there at night until he falls asleep.  I'm glad he'll be in his own bed tomorrow.
• Due to his clingy-ness, I feel like it hasn't been a real vacation.  I haven't gotten much of a break.  I told Aaron that when I home I'm going to throw Bertie at him and run away.

Some of the fun things:

• We all went to the zoo, which was fun.  Bertram seemed to enjoy it.  It was nice to do something all together.  (Except, poor Jessica tripped and got really scraped up on the way in).  We got to feed the animals, including a giraffe!  That was so cool; to touch, pet and feed a giraffe.
• Rebecca and I had a seester day today.  I left Bertie with my mom and Glenn and we headed out.  We got pedicures and fun snacks and auricle piercings.  I really liked the piercing parlour (they do tattoos too).  Beck and I will definitely return (for a tattoo or more piercings).  The girl who did them was really good, I barely felt it (which was a huge change from my last cartilage piercing).
• Rebecca and I got to hang out a lot, which was awesome.  And seeing my mom everyday too.  I didn't have to cook, I didn't have to drive much.

Bertie's vocabulary has exploded lately.  He's picking up new words all the time.  New words (or phrases): clean up, boom, wheels car round around (like the wheels on the bus), llama, night-night, grandma, book read, thank you (just a couple times), cartoon, no (he's saying no a lot now). okay.  I'm sure there are more but I can't think of more.

I went with my sister to her GI appointment.  It seems likely she has crohns too.  She is going to have a colonoscopy and endoscopy on the same day I'm going to have my colonoscopy.  I thought that was funny.

Baby on a Plane (and more)

On Tuesday, Bertie and I flew out to Virginia to visit family.  I was a little nervous, since it was just him and I.  Aaron dropped us off at the Airport.  Bertie and I went through the Family Security line, which was much shorter.  There was only a metal detector there, no scanner.  (I was wearing Bertie in the Moby).  Aaron joked before dropping me off that they'd need to make sure Bertie wasn't a bomb.  But they actually do!  Anyone who walked through with a child in arms got a hand swab for excelerant.  And they tested the breast milk I brought in a bottle too.  But we had no issues there, I repacked our backpack, and we wandered off.  We had some time before the flight, so we walked around a little.

I was really surprised that people traveling with small kids don't get to board first.  They used to... We we boarded last.  I think we may have actually been the last people on the plane.  We sat in the last row, and the middle seat was open!  We were able to stretch out a bit.  Bertie did well, he fussed a little on take off, but was good the rest of the time.  The flight attendant get him a set of wings (pin), just like in the old days.  The main problem with that flight was there were no changing tables!  I had to try to balance him on the toilet lid, it wasn't easy.

When we got to Chicago we had about two hours.  We did a lot of walking.  I talked to him a lot, telling him all the things around us.  I bought a very expensive, very soggy sandwich.  Then our flight was delayed, so we walked some more.  When we got back from our walk it was time to board.  Bertie was fussy for the whole flight.  We nursed a lot, but it didn't help much.  That flight had a changing table, but we didn't need to use it.

There were a lot of times I could have used an extra set of hands, but I managed.  I even got to play with my phone and read a bit.  

We were met at the airport by mom, Rebecca, and Glenn.  My mom was able to borrow all the baby things we needed; I didn't need to haul the car seat or stroller.

Today was a hard day.  Bertie didn't really nap at all.  So he was very fussy, and bedtime was a nightmare.  I think it was all my fault really.  I had way too much diet coke today.  He was so tired, and fell asleep briefly a couple of times.  I put him to bed, and he immediately started to wail.  I let him cry for 20 minutes, and then went in.  Soothed him, and put his back to bed.  He cried again.  I left him for 15 minutes.  I went in again, we walked, we rocked, we sang.  I spent 20 minutes with him, he was calm, he was sleepy, I put him back down, and once again he screamed.  I texted my mom (she was at the other house, next door) and said I didn't know what to do.  She came over, and rocked, and talked, and soothed.  And still he cried.  So we three got in the car at 10:20pm at drove to the store.  We got baby Tylenol and Gripe Water, and a teething ring.  After having the meds, he was settling down, so we tried again to put him down.  Success!  He was still awake for another 10 or 15 minutes, but he was quiet and smiley.

Originally, I'd planned to spend the night at my sister's apartment tomorrow night, so we could binge watch Orange is the New Black.  But after tonight, I'm not sure I want to risk it.  

Sailing along.

I think we're getting into a good rhythm.  Until today.

Our usual day goes something like this: Get up around 9, feed Bertie, feed me.  We play, sing, read until 10:30 or 11, then he goes to sleep for a couple hours.  I either get stuff done around the house, nap, or get ready for the day.  He wakes up around 12:30 or 1, he eats, and we get ready to do whatever we're going to do (go out and walk, go to the mall to walk, grocery, etc).  He sleeps while we do whatever we're doing.  He'll have short periods of awake time, but mostly sleeps.  In the evening, around 7 he'll have another hour of awake time, then off to bed as close to 10 as possible.

Today we got up around 9.  He dozed during his usual awake time.  We went to a Diaper Day movie (Bears), which started at 11:45.  When we were leaving he was awake.  He always falls asleep in the car, so I was surprised when we got to the theater and he was wide awake!  I put him in the Moby wrap, and he slept for about 45 minutes, and was then awake and a little fussy for the rest of the movie.  He slept on the car ride home, but then was awake. I fed him, and put him to bed.  He slept for 30 minutes and then started screaming.  I got him out, and cuddled him.  He fell right to sleep.  So I put him back, he woke up and started crying again.  He stayed awake all afternoon.  We went on a walk with Aaron and the dogs (he was in the stroller), and he stayed up the whole time.  Around 6, he started crying, so I set him in his swing, and he slept for an hour.  He woke up long enough for me to change his diaper, and put him back in the stroller, so I could get my exercise.  That was around 7, and he's been asleep since.  It's 10 now, so I'm going to change him, and hopefully that will wake him enough to eat, and then go back to sleep.  

========================

Just put him to bed. Hopefully he'll stay down.  Watching on the monitor, all looks good.

Yesterday we went for our walk on Lincoln Avenue.  There are no public bathrooms on Lincoln Ave.  I was about to explode, so I ended up at Jack in the Box.  It wouldn't have been my first choice for lunch or restrooms, but I used it for both.  After we'd resumed our walked, Bertie was hungry.  So I sat on a bench to feed him, and used my cover.  Whilst feeding him, a man stopped to talk to me, he asked how I liked pumping.  I told him I didn't mind it.  He said his wife hated pumping.  I found it odd, as no one has stopped to talk to be while breastfeeding.  And I assumed it would have been a woman who did.  So props to that guy.

The days blur together.

Today was pretty good.  Nothing really stands out, but little Bertie wasn't super fussy, and he ate well.

We had an appointment with the lactation consultant today.  Bertie was/is doing really well with breastfeeding.  I already knew he was getting plenty of milk, because he's gaining weight, and going through diapers like crazy.  But the latch was really painful, and even when his latch was good, it would get smaller over time, and more painful.  The appointment was supposed to be yesterday, or so I thought.  But it was actually scheduled for the following Saturday.  I showed up, found out I didn't have an appointment.  But they scheduled me for Sunday, so it worked out ok.

It's now the next day.

Bertie is sleeping for now, but he'll wake up again soon.

The lactation appointment went well.  He weighs 5lb 11.9oz.  He's gaining well, and he ate 2 oz during the appointment.  They gave me some pointers about my sore nipples.  He also got ok'd for a bottle for expressed milk, since we're still finger feeding.  I think once he wakes up, and I feed him, we'll go to Target and find the bottle.

It was the first time I'd taken him out by myself.  It was fine, except carrying the stupid car seat.  I'm not going to do that again.  That thing is too heavy and cumbersome.  I'll either carry him, or bring the Moby.  I don't know why anyone does that.

Last night was a bad night.  I ended up taking Bertie into the guest room with me to sleep, because he was so fussy (and Aaron's back at work, as of today). I set up the co-sleeper, but every time I put him in it he started screaming.  So he ended up sleeping on my chest all night.  I don't really mind too much, except I don't want to train him to sleep that way.  He's currently sleeping in the bassinet, so that's a good sign.

A couple days ago, I went out by myself for the first time since Bertie was born.  I just went to Target and Big Lots, but it was really freeing.  How silly is that?

Today I fed Bertie in the parking lot outside my psychiatrist's office.  That was interesting, but it worked.

Weighty Issue

I knew I was gaining weight.  My usual weight is 142.  Today I bit the bullet and weighed myself, after avoiding the scale for weeks.  157.  I can hardly believe it.  It's been 10 years since I weighed this much.  My highest was 163.

I think there are a few factors at work here.  The first was getting off of Adderall.  One of the main side effects of Adderall is weight loss.  The second factor is depression.  It's been pulling me down a lot lately.  To the point where I don't want to do anything.  After work I sit on the couch and watch a lot of tv, or play on my tablet.  The third factor is a combination of the first two: fatigue.  I'm so tired all the time.  I just want to sleep.  I think it's probably a vicious cycle.  I'm tired, and depressed so I don't exercise.  Not exercising makes me gain weight, which makes me more tired, depressed and fat.

My clothes are all tight, some flat out don't fit anymore.  My underwear and bras are tight.  My rings are snug.  Even my sweatpants are tighter.  My mother in law patted my belly last week because she thought (and hoped) I was pregnant.

Here's the plan:
This first week(starting tomorrow) is detox.  No sugars, no diet soda, and as few processed foods as possible.  I'll be eating a lot of fruits, vegetables, tofu, eggs, salad and oatmeal.  This is going to be hard, I'm super addicted to candy and diet coke.  That's why I think it's essential to cut them out for at least the first week.  I'll also be counting calories
I'm going to start moving a lot.  I ordered something from tv.  I've never done that before, but I got Hip Hop Abs.  Not because I want great abs (well, I do, but it's not a priority), but it actually looks like fun; something reminiscent of Zumba.  That will be 6 days a week.  I'm going to try to do some two-a-days too.  Probably jogging, hiking, stationary bike, and yoga.

My goal is to be at least 10 lbs lighter by the time I got see my family in a month.  My longer term goal is to be 20-30 lbs lighter by labour day.  I'll be weighing in every Wednesday, including tomorrow, just to get in the habit.  I'll maybe post a new picture in 2 or 3 weeks.

What has been up

• Last night I fell asleep on the couch at 8:30. Aaron told me to go to bed at 10.  I slept straight til 8am, when the alarm went off; then snoozed til 8:30.  12 hours?!  Really?!  Oh, and I'm still tired.
• We worked on a home improvement project yesterday.  Our kitchen doesn't have enough storage, so we've been using an open wood shelf as a pantry.  Yesterday we bought a cabinet from Target.  It was boring white, so I told Aaron, I wanted to paint the doors like Mondrian.  He said ok, but then suggested we use chalkboard paint, and make the doors a message center.  I liked this better.  We also bought an extra shelf from Home Depot, and new pulls, because the ones it comes with are ugly.  I hurt my back helping Aaron move it.  But the first one went together easily, and we liked it, so we went back and bought another.  When Aaron was almost done building it, it fell over, and thus new issues started.  One of the doors folded under, the hinge broke, we had a hard time finding a replacement hinge, blah blah.  It's become a hassle.  But the first cabinet is nearly done.  It needs one more coat of paint.  Yay.
• I did better after my breakdown day.  Sunday was pretty good.  Stake conference was good.  The agoraphobia is still there, which is hard.  But I muddle through.
• The other thing we did yesterday was take Zelda to the vet.  She had been limping, so we'd been not walking here much. Then she started yelping, and wincing.  I was worried it would be an ACL, or torn tendon.  But Dr Bath is pretty sure it's hip arthritis, he said we could do an x-ray is we wanted to be certain, but it keeps our cost lower to skip it (for now, at least).  So she got a pain shot, some antinflamitories, and a laser treatment.  It was under $200, which is very good.  But she has to go back for more lasers, for the next few days/couple weeks.

Ending the year

The sleep training has been going surprisingly well.  It's been very easy, actually.  After the first night, where I didn't sleep much, they've all been good.  I fall asleep between 10:30 and 11.  And set the alarm everyday for 7am.  That's really the hard part.  I want to stay in bed and keep sleeping.  But I know if I do that, I won't sleep the next night.  The only trouble I had was yesterday.  I took a Benedryl, because I had a sore throat.  It knocked me out hard, and I could not wake up the next day.  I think I slept til 9.  But it (fortunately) didn't ruin anything.  And I've been Ambien free for almost 2 weeks!

 

My stomach has been acting up off and on..  Nothing like before, but still not great.  I'm beginning to think my Crohns might be chronic.  Boo.  But it is, what it is.  Starting on January 1^st, I'm going on a sugar fast. Probably just for a week, maybe longer.  I've just been eating way too much junk.  And I don't moderate well, so it's just easier to say none.

 

We don't have any New Years plans.  We got invited to a couple of parties, but I'm not much of a party person.  Plus driving on New Years makes me nervous.

 

All of the animals are doing well.  They get a little closer to each other everyday.  I hope the catties might be snuggle friends someday.

 

I was thinking back on my resolutions for 2011.  Most of them didn't happen, but mostly due to my getting sick, not being lazy.  I wanted to run a half marathon.  I got really good with running, til I got sick.  I wanted to have more sex, again, good til I got sick.  I wanted to get pregnant: see previous.  I wanted to go to the temple 12 times, I think we went 10.  We did read scriptures together everyday.  So that resolution got kept.  Yay!

 

For 2012 these are my resolutions:

• Personal scripture study daily (along with "family" scripture study)
• Get back into running (as far as Crohns will allow)
• Eat less junk, and more natural foods
• Walk the doggies daily
• Start the adoption process (assuming Aaron has a job by the end of the year)
• Cook something new once a month
• Read at least 50 books (keep track with GoodReads)

That's all I can think of for the time being.

Waaaagh.

Well, not really.

I got rear-ended yesterday.  I was stopped at a yield (@ Lawrence and Saratoga), the guy behind me did not yield.  Ka-blamo!  Actually it wasn't too bad.  My bumper is a little crooked, but I'm sure his insurance will take care of that.  (We'll see how truthful those State Farm commercials are).  Claims are in.  I was sore yesterday, but today I'm feeling fine.

I started sleep training myself last night.  No more Ambien.  Go to bed only once tired.  Wind down at night, no tv, computer an hour before planning to sleep.  Get up at 7 (maybe everyday, I haven't decided on this for sure yet).  After getting up at 7, get outdoor exercise (hopefully working up to running again, for now, walking, or riding the bike).  No more than 24 ou. of soda a day (hopefully less).  No caffeine after 3pm.  Hopefully it'll get me on track.

Last night didn't go well.  I was sleepy on the couch, watching Fear Factor.  Then when I went to bed, I was wide awake.  I got out of bed around 1:30, and went back to bed around 3.  So it was not a good night, but I didn't freak out, which is good.  And hopefully tonight will be better.