Somehow it's May

We went to the low cost preschool thing.  I have a few reservations.  I was really hoping to have him do 2-3 days a week.  But the only options were full days or part days Monday-Friday.  He's currently signed up for 12:30-3:30 M-F.  The other issue is that he can only have 10 absences for the whole school year.  We already have a week-long trip planned for September, and I was going to stay a little longer than that with the kids.  A couple other issues I have is that the preschool is in a not great area, and I'm anxious about letting him go to strangers.  I know that is somewhat silly, since he will have to go to school at some point, but I am a nervous person.  We're going to go and tour it in July, and see what kind of vibe we get.  If I don't feel good about it, then we will withdraw him.

My sister Jessica is visiting, so we've gone on a few day trips with her and my dad: Monterey Bay Aquarium, Golden Gate Park (twice), Santa Cruz and the Oakland Zoo.  On the trip to Monterey I left Bertram's tablet on the roof of the car.  We retraced our drive when we got home, and there were no signs of it (smooshed or otherwise).  I was so aggravated that I'd done that.  My mom was nice enough to order him a new one.

I went to the dentist a few days ago.  I needed a crown and filling.  But when the dentist looked at the tooth needing the crown, he saw it needed a root canal (then a crown).  I wasn't too concerned, I had a root canal last year (at the endodontist), I had no pain and he did a great job.  This time, I had a lot of pain.  I had 2 or 3 doses of Novocaine before he even started.  Every time he started working it hurt.  I started crying after a bit, because it hurt, and I just couldn't get numb.  The dentist said there was a nuclear numbing option, where I would definitely get numb, or he could give me some antibiotics and we can do it all again in 2 weeks.  I thought about just trying to press through, but I was so stressed I said let's wait.  It was a rough day.  

I've been thinking about a 3rd (last) baby.  We're both unsure.  I would love to have another but a few things are giving me pause.  I don't want Bronwyn to become the middle child (as it sucks).  The kids will have to share a room.  We'll have to get a minivan (or suv).  (Though, we'll likely have to do that anyway.  So we have room to drive the kids, their friends, our family, etc).  Cost of everything (except insurance) will go up.  Plus I was really anxious during my pregnancy with Bron.  We have some time to figure it out, but not too long, I'm going to be 35 with year.

The kids are doing well.  Bertram is reading a lot.  We going to the library every week or so. He's been very into Planet Putty and Galaxy Goo lately.  They are just slime, in different colours.  But it's space related, so he gets very excited.  We have all the planet putty, but only 2 galaxy goo so far.  He loves art projects, especially painting.  He's been practicing using scissors.  I've been giving him a few chores.  He is so good with Bronwyn, and she just loves him.
Bronwyn is army crawling everywhere.  She's starting to pull up a little, and wave.  She may say "more" but I'm not sure yet.  She loves most food, she is still a good nurser. 

There is probably something else I'm forgetting, but that's all I have for now.

Quick baby update

Yesterday was my 38 week appointment.  Bertie came with me.  The NP always lets him help, which is really nice.  So he helped with the doppler.  Heart sounds good, she's still head down.I asked for an internal, since I'd have a few random contractions.  I was hoping for a little progress.  But there really wasn't any.  No dilation or effacement, only signs are that the cervix is soft, and baby has dropped a little.  I'm getting fairly uncomfortable, so I'm ready when she is.  Also, the NP said if I make if to my 40 week appointment, we can schedule an induction for 41 weeks.  So there is an end in sight, but it's dragging along.

I think I'm going to get Bertram a gift to open when baby sister is born, and tell him it's from her.  Maybe a hot wheels track.

Also, Aaron started his new job yesterday.  He's still with the Social Services for the county, but he's a supervisor now.  He says his office is really hot.  But other than that things seem pretty good.  He got to work in 12 minutes yesterday.  That is a dream commute around here where people often spend an hour+ going to work.

How far along? 38 weeks 
Total weight loss/gain: About 23lbs.  I would have liked to kept it under 20, but I'm happy with 23, especially since I gained 40 with Bertie.

Maternity clothes? I'm currently wearing 0 maternity clothes, but I was doing yard work.  Men's basketball shorts, and a very big t-shirt.  Other than this it's all maternity clothes
Sleep: Not too bad.  I remember not being able to get comfortable when I was pregnant the first time.  I can get comfortable, but I sometimes have trouble falling asleep.

Best moment this week: Lots of baby kicks and squiggles

Movement: She moves a lot, especially after I eat

Food cravings: Not too much.  Kool-aid, surprisingly.  I haven't been too hungry, and most food doesn't sound good.
Food aversions: Garlic, onions, and sometimes raw veg
Gender: Girl
Labor Signs: Nothing much. Braxton-hicks occasionally

Belly Button in or out? In, it's not going anywhere
What I miss: Sleeping on my back.

What I am looking forward to: Getting her room completely done.  I'm waiting on a couple framed things from Target.  (I ordered them before, and they arrived smashed. I reordered and am crossing my fingers.  I'm just waiting on the wall stuff, the bassinet, crib, clothes, changing table, etc are ready.  I'd probably ought to get out the breast pump, and make sure it's ready too.
Milestones: 38 weeks!  Bertram was a week and a half old at this point!

Somehow it's been a month since I blogged.  I suck.  

Let's see what I can remember.

Our 12th anniversary came and went without fanfare.  Between being 8 months pregnant, having a 3 year old and being poor, we didn't end up doing anything.  I think sometime after baby is born we'll have a do-over.  We had dinner at Chick-fil-a.  Haha.

Last week my FiLs truck was stolen from in front of their house.  It was his work truck, so all his tools were in it.  We assumed we'd never see it again, or if we did, it wouldn't be driveable.  Bertie and I came back from running errands today, and there it was, back in front of the house.  Nothing was missing, nothing was broken.  And, the weirdest thing, it was found one street over.  So that had a happy ending.  The police guessed maybe some kids wanted to go joy-riding, found they could, got scared, and left it.

Last week Aaron's co-workers threw us a baby shower.

It was really nice, and kind of fancy.  We got a lot of diapers, and clothes.  I'm making Aaron write all the thank you notes (since I did all of them from my shower).

Baby is measuring right on track.  I've had some braxton-hicks, but nothing "real" yet.  I had my GBS test last week.  I'm positive.  Lame, but no big deal.  We have her room mostly ready, I need to put a few more things away, and hang up the wall decorations.

Aaron got a promotion at work!  He was an EW2, now he'll be a supervisor.  Usually, one has to be an EW3 first, but they liked him, so he gets to skip a step (which is really rare).  So he'll make a good deal more money, and have a better commute.  (I should mention that his commute was good before, about 30 minutes, which is practically unheard of around here, but his new one will be 15-20 minutes).  So that's really exciting.  His supervisor pay starts today, but he doesn't actually start the job til next week.

Today Fiona has a seizure.  This happens once or twice a year.  Generally it's not a big deal (as in the vet can't do much).  But she was kind of running as she was seizing, and smacked her head into the bed frame.  I picked her up, and she had cut her forehead open.  I took her to the vet (which was fortunately open).  They kept her for four hours.  Gave her drugs to stop the seizure, and she got iv fluids.  They glued her head back together, no stitches.  They drew blood, but we won't have the results til Wednesday.  I was talking to one of the vet techs about fireworks, and mentioned we'd given Yoie her anti-anxiety medication last night.  The tech said that that medication can cause seizures in dogs that are already prone to seizures.  That was good to know.  She's currently still a little dopped up, so the few fireworks going off haven't bothered her.  We'll see how tomorrow night goes.  (Note: we have a thunder shirt for her, but putting it on her, makes her nervous.).

How far along? 37 weeks 
Total weight loss/gain: About 20lbs

Maternity clothes? Yes, please.  I've been searching for a couple more nursing tops.
Sleep: Surprisingly, no real issues, except some insomnia.  Once I'm asleep, I'm usually good.

Best moment this week: Baby shower with Aaron's co-workers

Movement: She loves to dance

Food cravings: Otter pops, watermelon
Food aversions: Garlic, onions, and sometimes raw veg
Gender: Girl
Labor Signs: Some braxton-hicks, off and on. (By this time, Bertie was already born.)

Belly Button in or out? In, it's not going anywhere
What I miss: Sleeping on my back.

What I am looking forward to:  Meeting my girl
Milestones: We made it to full term!

So I remember

I've been feeding baby bump move a lot today. It makes me happy.

Something different

(If we're friends on Facebook, please don't mention this on there yet.)

In case you haven't guessed, I'm pregnant.  Yay!  I'm 16 weeks.  I haven't announced it online yet because there were some issues early on.  I had some spotting, and cramping.  Well, I still have sporadic spotting and cramping.  But I went to see my OB again today (I've been going in a lot, because I've been really nervous this time around), and she said unless it's constant, or heavy red bleeding (as opposed to the pink I've been having) it's normal.

So back to the beginning.  I knew I was pregnant about as early as one could know.

This is the very first test I took.  You can only see the pink line if you squint, a lot.

And like when I was pregnant with Bertie, I had a short, light "period".  I went to the doctor fairly early on, to make sure I was actually pregnant.

This is the second ultrasound picture.  I can't find the first one on the computer.

I took more pregnancy tests than necessary.

The cramping and spotting early on was scary, and ... well, just scary.  But I was also really sick from the very beginning.  Way sicker than I was with Bertie, and so exhausted.  That was the real reason I quit working at Amazon.  Between the spotting, being sick, and being super tired, it didn't work anymore.  It's too bad, because I enjoyed the job, and the extra cash, but health and wellness first.

My ornament this year.  It says "baby" on the snowman's tummy.

That was about 12 weeks along.

I just put my non-maternity pants away last week.  When I was pregnant with Bertram, I gained 20 lbs in the first trimester.  This time I gained about 5.  But I was about 165 at the start of the last pregnancy, and I was 188 at the start of this one.  So I am obese, which means I really need to keep the weight gain to a minimum.  Last week I was a dietitian, and made a plan that gives me enough calories and enough of the different kinds of foods.  Fingers crossed.  Since I'm still exhausted all the time, exercise hasn't been happening much.

I'm fairly certain the baby is a girl.  Based on the heart rate, how sick I was, and that I'm carrying high; I'm fairly sure the baby is a girl.  I will be shocked if it's a boy, actually.  We'll find out at the end of the month, and then we'll announce it to the facebook universe.  

We've been thinking about Bronwyn for her name.  My only hesitation is having both kids with the same first initial.  

I'm actually really nervous to have a girl.  The world is not a great place for girls right now.  And I worry that I don't have what it takes to raise a strong, feminist girl.

 I've been trying to get the house in order a bit.  We're debating between having Bertram and new baby share a room.  If it's a boy it's a no brainer.  But if it's a girl, we may have them share for a few years, then separate them.  We have 3 bedrooms in the house, so we lose our guest room if they each have their own rooms.  Anyway, that's something we'll work on later.

Exercise
My sister and I started a new work out today: Bikini Body Mommy 6 week mini-challenge.  Six days a week, 20-30 minutes at a time, consisting of upper body, lower body and cardio. Today was day one, and I wanted to get off on the right foot.  So I got up at 5:45 so I could jog (once it's cold I can go during the day, but it's kind of nice to get up and get it done).  I jog/walked for 30ish minutes, then came home and did the upper body work out.  As I was about to get in the shower Bertie woke up (a little after 7).  And after he'd had milk, he walked over to the door and said "go!"  I figured since it was going to be super hot again today, we may as well go.  And we were out of milk, so I figured we could walk to the store after the park.  I loaded up the stroller and we headed out.  The whole way there, Bertram said "slide, slide".  We played for a while, walked to Grocery Outlet, and then walked home.  I hit 10,000 steps just before 9 am.
I'm going to aim to jog 3-4 days a week.

Nursing
We are officially done with nursing.  I felt bad, because I cut it off.  And the first couple days when Bertie was upset, he would cry "boobie, boobie" and pull on my shirt.  But now he's ok.  I have mixed feelings.  I'm glad to be done, but at the same time I miss it.

Adderall
Now that nursing is done, Adderall is back!  My shrink actually wanted me back on it sooner, but knew that nursing was important to me.  I really forgot how wonderful Adderall is, and I can see why people abuse it.  But I really feel more focused, and more importantly, awake!  I'm hoping that the combination of exercise, completing breastfeeding, and adding Adderall will help me lose some weight, because I'm tired of being chunky.

Heat
It has been so hot lately!  It was 97 today!  And it's been hot for most of the previous week.  I'm really looking forward to fall.  Sweaters, crisp air, maybe some rain?

Baby
We were trying for baby #2.  My sister is getting married next year.  Originally it was in Oct, or Nov, so I figured we could try through October, then stop if not pregnant, and start again in Spring.  (I either need to be in early to mid pregnancy, or with a new baby.  I can't travel while hugely pregnant).  But the wedding got moved up to June.  So I went back on the pill, and we'll start up again late January.  (So I have a little over 4 months to lose weight!)

Bits about today
Today was pretty good.  My MiL watched Bertie so I could shower after our walk. He took a really early nap (and was asleep before 10:30).  After he napped we met dad at Olive Garden for lunch.  I tried to have him nap again after lunch, but he didn't.  I got a letter with no return address.  In it was a $60 gift certificate to a nail salon nearby.  I have no idea who sent it, but it was a great surprise!  We had dinner with Aaron's folks.  I got the house tidied up, swept, did (and put away) laundry, dishes, etc.  So we're in good shape for tomorrow.  I have a dentist appointment at 10:40, for a cleaning.

The things I want to remember

Yesterday: Eating by myself at Applebee's when Bertie was five months old. Bertie decided he didn't want to sit in his car seat anymore.  So he sat in my lap the whole time while I ate, trying to grab anything within reach.  I gave him my sunglasses, two napkins, two sugar packets, but he still wanted my plate, my fork, my diet coke.  At the end of the meal, I gave him my empty glass, which was cold, and covered in condensation.  He sucked and licked and bit that.

Ongoing: When he's nursing, stops, and looks up at me with a big smile, and dribbles milk everywhere.

Ongoing: When I change his diaper, and rub rash cream on him.  He decides to help out and rub cream too (usually on his belly, thigh or face).

Today: Woke up from napping with Bertram.  I looked over at him, he was already awake, and gave me the biggest smile.

Currently: The long curly hair above either ear.  (Mad scientist/rabbi).

Baby Essentials

I was thinking about essential baby items; the things we used vs the things we didn't.  The things we had vs the things we needed.

Diapers
Obviously, the #1 thing you need for a baby (if you're nursing, otherwise formula).  We were only planning on using paper diapers til his umbilical stump fell off, but that took 3 weeks!  We had a box of newborn diapers, but they were too big, so we went through a couple boxes of preemie diapers.  The brand makes a big difference.  We loved Pampers!  We didn't like Huggies.  (Now we use paper at night, and use Luvs).

To go along with this, a changing table, or low dresser is needed.  And waterproof changing pads.  Those things are great!

Somewhere to sleep
We had several places for him to sleep: crib, bassinet, co-sleeper (and unknowingly, our bed).  The bassinet and co-sleeper were borrowed from Aaron's cousin.  I wasn't planning on using the bassinet, but that became an essential.  We could put him in it and roll him where ever we were in the house.  I loved it!  He did not like the co-sleeper at all.  He did/does like co-sleeping.   I don't think we moved him to the crib til he was at least a month old. He's now in the crib 99% of the time, and occasionally in our bed (today, for example, he and I napped together).

(sponge bath, unhappy baby)

Bathtub
We bought a wash pod, which is kind of shaped like a narrow bucket.  It says 0-6 months, but we didn't have much success with it until he could hold his head up.  I really like it when I'm bathing him without help, I don't have to hold on to him, he's upright and submerged.  Happy.  We did use the kitchen sink a lot, and once he was a little older, we took/take baths with him.

Carrier
We've ended up with a few different carriers: Ergo, Moby wrap, Mei Tai, and a sling.  The Ergo came with the highest recommendations (it was also the most expensive). With the Ergo, you need a newborn insert for when they're tiny (you can use a receiving blanket, but it doesn't work as well). I got too hot most of the time when he was little.  Now I can wear it without the insert, and it's better.  But I still prefer the Moby and Mei Tai.  That will likely change as he gets heavier.  The Moby is great, especially when they're tiny.  It can be complicated to use at first, and takes a little practice.  The Mei Tai is Aaron's favourite, (I don't have a picture of that).  I think the sling in my least favourite, since I feel like he's the least secure in it.  But it's the one I keep in the stroller, so it works when we're in a pinch.

Breastfeeding
It doesn't seem like there's a lot you'd need other than breasts, but there are things that help. A good pump is a huge help.  I was lucky enough to get a hospital grade pump for the first three months.  I had a Medela Symphony, and now I have a Medela... something in a tote bag. I pumped and stored like no one's business (all storage bags are the same as far as I can tell. Don't bother with the ones that attach directly to the pump; they're trouble). A cover is useful.  I hardly ever use mine now, but in the beginning it was a necessity.  Nursing pads are also a necessity.  Finding a good brand is hard!  (Especially if you wear mostly soft shell bras like I do).  I like Lansinoh and Medela the best.  They are a little more conical shape so they're less viable.  Avent are also good, but are harder to find outside of a baby store.  Other brands are really lumpy, and look weird under a shirt (unless you have a hard shell bra, then it doesn't matter).  I also thought I'd like the washable ones, but no.  They are very lumpy, and get damp/wet really quickly.  No bueno.  Also, while breastfeeding is still new, nipple cream is awesome.  I like the stick on nipple soothers, but you have to wash your nipples before feeding, which, with a newborn, is often.  So it's annoying. Most of the nipple cream is food safe, so no washing required!  I don't actually wear nursing bras a lot, even though I have them.  I wear a lot of the "genie bra" style bras, sort of like a softer sports bra.  I also use Fenugreek to help with milk production. A boppy or pillow is handy too.  I would have liked a nursing stool, but I never bought one.

Misc
A swing is good, Bertie likes a side to side swing better, we just have a normal, non-fancy swing.  A play mat is used every day in our house.  He loves that thing.  We bought a cheapy one from Ikea.  A white noise machine is great.  A baby monitor is great!  We weren't planning on getting one.  But we were gifted a video camera monitor, and it is awesome!  We used a lot of gas drops and gripe water in the early days.

The Things They Don't Tell You.

Breastfeeding is boring.
Most of the time I love breastfeeding Bertie.  He's a good eater, and he's been a good latcher almost from day one.  But having to stop whatever I'm doing to feed him can be frustrating.  I haven't mastered the art of the breastfeeding-multitask; aside from watching tv, or playing with my phone.  I've read about people reading books, or magazines, but I have no idea how you do that without balance the book on baby's head.  A lot of times I just sit there and look at him, sometimes I'll talk to him, but he's not particularly interested in listening.

There is no alone time.  Ever.
Especially if you're breastfeeding.  I can't even take a shower without the baby needing something, or Aaron having a question about the baby needing something.  Alone time comes if Aaron takes the boy out somewhere, or I drop him with my MiL, or I leave the house, and Aaron stays at home.  Lately, baby can't sleep in his own bed.  (Except :knock on wood: he's sleeping in his bassinet right now)!

I have no clue how people have a 2nd child.
Really.  This kid does not like to sleep in his own bed, or for predictable lengths of time.  Also, by the time we actually get to bed at night we're both so exhausted it's not even a thought.  (And when I'm not exhausted and baby happens to be asleep in his own bed, I have anxiety about him waking up).

Baby wearing is not the panacea I'd hoped.
I had always been excited about baby wearing.  I looking at the different slings and carriers, and tried some that my friends had.  What a great idea!  Keep the baby close and get so much done.
Kind of.
Baby wearing is really good for certain things, and really terrible for others.  I can wash, dry and put away dishes fairly easily while wearing Bertie.  But I can't load or unload the dishwasher.  I can take laundry off the line and fold in.  But I can't move clothes around from the floor to the washer to the dryer (or line).  Anything where you need to bend is really difficult (to nearly impossible) while babywearing.  At least in the front carry.  I could see those things being easier in a back carrying pack, but he's not big enough for that.  But I can sweep and vacuum, and scrub the counters with ease.  So I guess it's a draw.

Co-Sleeping happens.  (And you might like it).
I planned to never co-sleep.  I was worried about squishing Bertie, not being able to sleep, not being able to snuggle up to Aaron if I wanted.  And the baby's ability to self soothe, and be able to sleep in his own bed (The the 2nd child issue).
And, I still worry about squishing Bertie, I don't sleep very deeply now, and I can't snuggle up to Aaron.  But I do co-sleep from time to time.  I suppose it's mutually beneficial for baby and me.  I give up on trying to get him to sleep in his own space (because I'm tired, frustrated, or both), and he gets to sleep with me and Aaron in our bed.  Win-win, I guess.  Most of the time I do like sleeping with him, but it's hard to change sleeping positions, and I can't have the blankets up as far as I want.  

Cloth diapering is easier than I thought.
I was really excited to cloth diaper.  But also really nervous.  Washing your own diapers, keeping gross stuff in the house instead of just throwing it away, extra laundry, etc.  But it's been surprisingly easy.  We wash diapers by themselves every two or three days.  They don't smell very much at this point, since he's breastfed.  And I love not having to spend a ton of money on paper diapers, or worrying about running out.  We do have a box of paper, we've started using them at night (since theoretically he sleeps longer), and we used them for a day when he had diaper rash.  But we had two big boxes of newborn diapers that we just gave away, he outgrew them.

All about Bertie (Mostly)

Time is flying by.  Bertie is over 7 lbs now.  I've mostly been letting him lead the feedings.  (We were told, once he was 8lbs, I could let him lead the feedings).  But, I've mostly been letting him do it, I still set the alarm at night. I think he should be pretty close the 8 by now.  He's gaining 1-2 oz per day.  I think on Saturday I'll stop setting the alarm.  Maybe he'll sleep 4-5 hours at a time.  We've been using bottles for expressed milk, and pacifiers on occasion.

Nursing has been going well.  No more pain, and he's getting lots to eat.

Bertram's witching hour is right when I want to go to bed.  He's really fussy starting around 10 or 11, and continues til 2.  He's been doing a little better the past couple nights.  We've been using gripe water and gas drops. He still ends up in bed with me at night, but usually after a feeding, where we both fall asleep.

I've been having a lot of fun with my mom being here.  I'm not sure what I'm going to do when she goes back home.  It's great having her help, I can get things done, and Bertie gets to spend time with Nana.  She been helping me clean and organize.  We've been going "shopping" most days.  Not really to buy things, mostly to get our steps in, and get out of the house.  But we've bought a few things, and she's gotten things for me and baby.

We've been using all cloth diapers.  No issues with those, except that it hasn't been warm enough to line dry.
Now some other stuff.   I finally finished our taxes, and we owe $2500.  Yikes, how did that happen?!   On top of that, there was a mix up with Aaron's student loads and they deducted $1500 from our account.  And my disability payments haven't started yet.  And rent is due!  So we'll have to put off rent for a while, and hopefully make payments for the tax bill.  Aaron's loan stuff will be corrected, but it's going to take 4-6 weeks.  If it comes to it, we can borrow money from my dad.  Everything stacked up at once.

The days blur together.

Today was pretty good.  Nothing really stands out, but little Bertie wasn't super fussy, and he ate well.

We had an appointment with the lactation consultant today.  Bertie was/is doing really well with breastfeeding.  I already knew he was getting plenty of milk, because he's gaining weight, and going through diapers like crazy.  But the latch was really painful, and even when his latch was good, it would get smaller over time, and more painful.  The appointment was supposed to be yesterday, or so I thought.  But it was actually scheduled for the following Saturday.  I showed up, found out I didn't have an appointment.  But they scheduled me for Sunday, so it worked out ok.

It's now the next day.

Bertie is sleeping for now, but he'll wake up again soon.

The lactation appointment went well.  He weighs 5lb 11.9oz.  He's gaining well, and he ate 2 oz during the appointment.  They gave me some pointers about my sore nipples.  He also got ok'd for a bottle for expressed milk, since we're still finger feeding.  I think once he wakes up, and I feed him, we'll go to Target and find the bottle.

It was the first time I'd taken him out by myself.  It was fine, except carrying the stupid car seat.  I'm not going to do that again.  That thing is too heavy and cumbersome.  I'll either carry him, or bring the Moby.  I don't know why anyone does that.

Last night was a bad night.  I ended up taking Bertie into the guest room with me to sleep, because he was so fussy (and Aaron's back at work, as of today). I set up the co-sleeper, but every time I put him in it he started screaming.  So he ended up sleeping on my chest all night.  I don't really mind too much, except I don't want to train him to sleep that way.  He's currently sleeping in the bassinet, so that's a good sign.

A couple days ago, I went out by myself for the first time since Bertie was born.  I just went to Target and Big Lots, but it was really freeing.  How silly is that?

Today I fed Bertie in the parking lot outside my psychiatrist's office.  That was interesting, but it worked.

Quickie

I'm typing this while I sit and pump.

Little Bertie is home, and we're all settling in.  It's been tough at times, especially lately, since sometimes he'll cry inconsolably, for no apparent reason.  Also, grandma (Aaron's grandma) keeps mentioning that we're freezing the baby because he doesn't have socks on (or if he is wearing socks, it's because he's not wearing a hat.  Normally, I'd just brush this off.  But my crazy hormones are making me take it to heart, and then I feel bad.  But we have a pediatrician visit on Thursday, so I'll ask her about it then.  And I'll have her write a note, saying that his feet are just fine.  Grr...

It's going to be a busy week.  Tomorrow I meet with me psychiatrist, Wednesday we're getting pictures done, and Thursday is the visit to the pediatrician.  Aaron goes back to work on Monday.  I'm not sure how I'm going to do then...  I'm a little worried

I've been pumping a lot lately.  Well, always, I guess.  Sometimes Bertram doesn't want to latch, so we'll finger feed the expressed milk.  I'll be glad when he either latches all the time, or we can bottle feed expressed milk.

Yoie has been doing extremely well with the baby.  She doesn't mind him most of the time, just occasionally when he's crying.  She doesn't try to bite him.  So it's been better then expected.  Also, Bertie sleeps through her barking, so that's another plus.

A few days in

I'm feeling surprisingly well.  Very tired, but well.

Bertie hasn't been able to be in our room, and I'm going home today.  Hopefully he'll be coming home with us, but we don't know yet.  Tomorrow is likely, if not today.  Because he was a preemie, and had some issues with pulse ox, and heart rate, and now jaundice, he may need an extra day or so.  I'm sad to think of having to leave him behind.  But we're only about 15 minutes away, so it won't be far.

My dad has been here to visit everyday.  Aaron's folks came Thursday, and Saturday. Sophie came to visit on Saturday, and Nana Ginny came on Friday.  So we've had lots of visitors.  My mom sent flowers.

I'm still not getting a lot of sleep, obviously.  My milk hasn't come in yet, just colostrum.  We've been supplementing with formula, but not using a bottle.  The formula is put into a syringe (20-30 mLs at a time), then a tiny tube is used to get it to his mouth, and we do that while he's sucking on our fingers.  He's getting better at latching, and sucking.  But since he's not getting the reward of food, he gets bored with it.  We're working on it.

Yesterday we had a scare.  His heart rate randomly dropped to 60-something.  It did this 3 or 4 times.  So they started running labs and tests.  The doctor came and told us he might have an infection, and would have to do a lumbar puncture.  (Actually Aaron had run home to care for the dogs, so I have to call him with most of this).  When he arrived, we called Scott Crow (from church, and an orthopedic surgeon with Kaiser) to come help give Bertie a blessing.  While Scott was here, my dad arrived, and then Janet and Sophie.  So we ended up telling every one what we knew.  But things improved, his EKG was good, chest x-ray was good, blood work started to come back good.  So it looks like he may just have a lower resting heart rate. That was a relief.

This morning, he's a little jaundice, so we're still waiting and hoping for him to come home with us.  I'm out around noon.

Here are lots of pictures!

Bertram has arrived.

When I last left off, I'd been contracting since 9 pm on February 26th.  It continued through the whole night, with no breaks.  (We're supposed to be across the street right now, taking our birthing class, lol).   I took a couple hot showers, and called L&D twice.  Mostly, I moved around on the couch, trying to get comfortable.  I dozed for an hour between 4-5am, but still woke up for each contraction.  Between 5-6 then got really strong, I was moaning and crying.  Aaron got up around 5:30, and we got ready to go.  He showered, I got a couple last minute stuff packed, we both had a little breakfast.
From the amount of time I'd been contracting, and the strength of the contractions, I was hoping I'd been at 7cm.  When I got checked, I was only at 4cm.  With that I knew, natural was not going to happen.  They started me on narco (norco?), because the anesthesiologist couldn't get in right away.  The narco helped a bit.  I was nervous about getting an epidural, and having a catheter.  But it was surprisingly not bad.  The numbing shot was the worse part, and the sitting still.  Once that kicked in, everything was fantastic.  I couldn't feel any contractions, and dozed a little.  That was around 8am, I didn't have to do anything until 2, since I was still dilating.  Sometime during this period, they started me on an oxygen mask, to make sure Bertie was getting enough.
Dennis (Aaron's dad) came by briefly  to say hi and see how things were going.
Starting at 2, I pushed for about 30 minutes, and then rested some.  Aaron was really great during all this.  He was worried about being squeamish. He doesn't do great with blood, or seeing me in pain.  He mostly stayed near my head, but had to help pull my legs or support my neck at some points.  So I know he looked a little bit.  He insisted he didn't want to cut the cord, but more on that later.  But he was great, got me ice chips, encouraged me to breath (which, as the time, was annoying), and kept count during the pushing.
At 3ish, we started pushing again.  This was when the epidural started wearing off.  And things started hurting.  The oxygen mask was really bothering me, I was too hot, I felt nauseous every time I had to push.  Baby was not making the type of progress they wanted, and he was in distress off and on.  Also, he was turned sideways, his ear was facing up.
Around 4, floor doctor came in, and said this will be our last shot, we're going to use the vacuum assisted device while you push, and if that doesn't work, we need to do an immediate c-section.  At that point, I was ready to say skip the vacuum, lets go to the OR.  I was so tired, and in pain.  Plus I was starting to lose it.  We did that, there was no success.  So then everyone was rushing around.  They told Aaron they'd bring him back after everything was set up.  I think I was sobbing at that point (I'm crying now as I type this, too many emotions).  They whisked me down the hall, and resumed the epidural meds.  Either because they'd just started or because I was freaking out, they weren't working as fast as the doctors wanted, so they opted to sedate me.  In all honesty, it's just as well that they did.  Once I go into panic mode, I'm useless.
I don't remember much of that.  They had me take some deep breaths of something, and I went to sleep.
I woke up in a different part of the same room.  A nurse was talking to me about nothing in particular.  Aaron was either there, or came in shortly after.  He showed me some pictures of Bertram, and told me about him.  I found out that his cord was around his neck, not tightly, but enough to distress him, and keep him from coming out vaginally.  He is a tiny guy, 5lb7oz, 18 inches long.  So skinny.  He was put in the intermediate care nursery, since his lungs weren't quite ready.
Usually they can only take wheelchairs in the nursery, but the nurses made an exception for me and wheeled the gurney in.  I was able to do skin to skin for 30 minutes, and he latched for 5 or 10 minutes.  That was awesome.  Just great.  I miss him, and want to snuggle him more.
I got settled in my postpartum room.  Aaron folks and my dad come by to meet the baby.  He's the first grandchild for everyone.  They were all here from about 9-10.  Then we went to sleep.  Aaron slept, I slept intermittently an hour or two at a time.  I got up and walked briefly last night, I was really dizzy.  I've also started using the breast pump.  Nothing is coming out yet, but it's good for stimulation.  I'm still on a catheter, but that will be coming out soon.
I'm not sure why he, or my body decided to come so early.

Is this it?

I think I may be in early labour.  It's 11:30pm, and I've been having contractions since 9pm.  But they aren't getting stronger, and the spacing isn't steady.  For the 9 o'clock hour, they were about 4 minutes apart, and lasted 30-40 seconds.  Then they were sporadic, now they're happening again, but they're about 5.5 minutes apart.

I sent Aaron to bed.  He has a lot going on tomorrow, assuming I don't go into actual labour.  I would like to sleep, but it's not happening at the moment.  Tomorrow is supposed to be my last day before maternity leave.  And Friday is the birthing class.  I'm really hoping to actually attend the class.

The contractions aren't terrible yet.  The most uncomfortable thing is when I need to go pee.  Sitting on the toilet is really hurty, it feels like I need to take the biggest poop.

I'm 36 weeks, 5 days.  So it's a little early too.  And first babies are supposed to come late.  Grr.

I had Aaron put the car seat back in the car.  I packed my hospital bag.  We'll see what happens.

Progress with baby

This may be a TMI post.  You've been warned.

I am 35 weeks and 3 days.

Yesterday things started happening.  I'm pretty sure I lost my mucus plug.  It wasn't plug shaped, but it was a gloopy, gross, sticky thing.  (There's been a little more since then).  Then, I was sitting around in the evening with no shirt (my skin is really sensitive now a days), and I leaked some droplets of colostrum, that's mostly new.  In the middle of the night I woke up to contractions!  Mild, sporadic ones, I assume, I really have no clue, but they were manageable.  There were a few, but they were short, maybe 30-60 seconds.  I found that rocking on my hands and knees worked best.

After a while I went back to sleep, and everything was normal this morning.  I called Labour and Delivery, to find out if I should get checked.  I knew I wasn't in active labour, since things stopped. They said said unless my water started running down my legs (or broken completely), I was having strong contractions about 4 minutes apart.  And as long as baby was still moving normally, then we're all good.  I did send an email to my ob/gyn this afternoon too.  I have my 36 week appointment on Monday, but I want to make sure I don't need to be checked sooner.

I'm a little nervous, because our birthing class isn't until the end of the month.

This and that

I'm working on getting things done around here.  I've been having some cramping, and I worry that baby will be here early.  Granted, we have the really important things: car seat, bassinet, clothes, diapers, stroller.  We also have: soap, wipes, lots of clothes, a crib (with mattress being shipped currently), a recliner, boppy pillow, changing table, cloth diapers (to use once the umbilical stump falls off), diaper pail, nail clippers, burp cloths, etc.  Today I order the last of what we "need": crib mattress, pee pee teepees, changing pad and cover, high chair cover, wet bag, pail liner, and flushable diaper liners (for the cloth diapers).  I still need to get a breast pump for storage, and there is a jogging stroller that folds really small (and is only $100) that I want.

I'm currently rewashing the newborn clothes.  At our recent class, they said not to wash baby clothes with your clothes (due to dyes and perfumes).  I'm not too worried about the diapers, and stuff he'll wear later on.  He'll be used to our perfumes and dyes by then.

I ran around a got stuff today.  I finally found the wash tub I wanted.  (I found it online, but today was the first time I saw it in the store).  I bought wipes, anti-scratch mittens, swaddlers, pads (for me), nail clippers, brush, sensitive baby soap, and a trash can for his room.

I went to lunch with Colleen today.  I got to ask her a million questions about birth, and nursing, and being sleep deprived.  She is a mom I'd like to be like (aside from my own), so I want lots of her advice.  (And she's only bout 1.5 miles away, so she's a good resource).

It's kind of weird.  I'm not actually too nervous about the actual birth.  I know there will be pain, but it's what women's bodies' were meant to do.  I feel like I can do it.  Maybe that's foolish, or short sighted, but I feel ok about it.  Kaiser is really supportive of natural birthing, and long labours.  They don't do inductions (unless medically necessary), they have a really low c-section rate, and a really low episiotomy rate.

I'm concerned about the other stuff.  Having a bad latcher, or a bad sleeper, or being too tired to be useful to him.

Eight more work days til maternity leave!!!

Ok some non-pregnancy stuff.  I want to get the taxes done within the next week or so.  Hopefully we did our withholding correctly.

Dad got out of Good Sam on Thursday.  He's still not feeling great, but better.  His surgeon wants to go in and fix the abscess.  Dad doesn't really want to have more surgery.  He has an appointment on Thursday, so we'll see what happens.

Aaron was sick all week.  He had a strep kind of infection.  The antibiotics he got worked really well, and quickly.

I've lost my ipod shuffle.  I think I need to get a new one.

A pretty good day.

Mojo has taken to hurting me lately.  He seems to be most comfortable right under my ribs on the upper right.  I assume he's kicking me, but I can't tell , it could be some other body part.  Also I finally felt him hiccuping today.  I think he'd done it before, but this was the only time I'd recognized what it was.  Today, he was mostly hurting me, really smashing my bones and organs.  I guess this will probably get worse.  I need to see if I can borrow a TENS unit from work.  (I can't remember if I mentioned that I've been calling him Lumpy).  One other pregnancy thing, possibly TMI: the other morning, I work up with a small (quarter sized),wet spot on my shirt.  Colostrum leak?  It hasn't happened again, but it was a little odd.

I found out today that my insurance policy will stay in place while I'm on leave!  Yay!  I still need to pay my portion, but it's still a good deal.  I have a plan I like for Mojo, but I can't sign him up til he's born.  (At least I think, I'll ask Kaiser to be sure).  The plan I like for him is $250 a month, so it's pretty good.

I got caught up on bills today, except rent. We need to go to the bank and get that.  It's nice to be caught up.   Also, we only owe $350 now, so we'll have it paid off by the end of the month!  WooHoo! I also tidied up a little (I've been seriously slacking on chores.  I'm just tired and sore when I get home).

Aaron came home for a little bit, I'm happy I got to see him.  He's been working a lot of nights to get things done before Mojo comes.  It's prime fund-raising time, so he's been doing a lot of that back to back, to have more time free at the end of May and beginning of April.

Catch up

It's been a couple weeks, let me see how much I remember.

My mom flew into town on the 22nd of January.  It was really great having her here.  She did a lot of cooking and cleaning.  And she came to see me at work most days for lunch, and we'd go for a walk.

My shower was on Saturday the 25th.  It was nice, and I think everyone had a good time.  I got way too many clothes, and not enough of the essential things.  But we got some really cute things.  Later in the week, I bought the Ergo carrier, and a crib.  Aaron and I went to Ikea and got a changing table.  We still need a bathtub, a crib mattress, a changing table pad, and I'd really like to get my breast pump and jogger before he comes.  But we have the car seat and stroller, a bassinet, a good supply of cloth and little disposable diapers.  So enough to get by, should he come early.

While my mom was here, we had a baby appointment.  She got to hear the heart beat.  Everything still looks good.  I'm still gaining too much weight.  I don't know how it's possible, I've been getting all my steps in, and watching what I eat (counting calories).  At this visit I was at 199.  I was in a different office, so there could be a difference with the scales.  But aside from that, the NP said I looked good.  No puffiness, good BP.  I'm bummed about the weight gain.  I have a lot of work to do, once he's born and I have the ok.  Before that, we'll walk and nurse and sleep.

We (mom, Aaron and I) went on the hospital tour.  That made it all pretty real.  If my mom is here, when I go into labour, she'll be in the room with Aaron.  (I think he's happy to have a team mate, I think he's nervous too).

My mom was supposed to fly back home on Wednesday night.  But her flight was through Atlanta, and all their flights were cancelled.  So she got rebooked for early Thursday morning.  She flew from San Jose, to LAX, to JFK, to Richmond. She had a long day.

Aaron and I got a lot done the Saturday after she left.  We hit the flea market and Ikea.  We got some of the baby stuff done.  We still need to finish organizing his room, and cleaning out the closet in there. I think we need to get rid of some of our stuff.  Our house is too small (actually it's not, but the layout is not great).

Sunday I managed to stay all three hours for church.  Then we watched the Superbowl.

I'm just starting to get uncomfortable in the pregnancy.  And most of the time I still feel ok.  But baby is very lumpy (he takes after Aaron, all elbows, knees and ankles). He seems to like to be up under my ribs.  That's not my favourite, or I'll feel like I have a bad side stitch.  I have back aches off and on.  I get leg cramps in the morning and evening.  Getting up and bending are both getting more difficult.

I need to do the taxes soon.  Ugh, I feel like I have so much to do.

Just the hits

Pregnancy

• Bending is getting really hard.  Sometimes I have to walk the dogs by myself, which is hard because they pull a lot.  But harder because I really have to bend to pick up after them.  Mojo is still kicking around a lot.  My bladder has shrunk.  I can feel like I'm bursting, and I get to the bathroom, and just an average amount of pee comes out.  Plus it's really fun when he uses my bladder as a trampoline.

Insurance

• Related to pregnancy: I'm trying to get all the insurance stuff sorted out.  It's a little overwhelming, which is saying something, since insurance is what I do.  I know I want to stay with Kaiser.  And I know I was Mojo to be with Kaiser at least through year 1, if not beyond.  But it's really difficult because all the plans are based on income, and I have no clue whether (or how much) I'll be going back to work.  The other issue to when (or if) to switch off my work plan and onto either an individual plan (or Covered CA plan).  I tried to call Covered CA, but their phones are too busy, so I filled out the online form, hopefully they'll call back soon.  I'm going to call Kaiser in the next couple of days and see what info I can get from them.

Fitness

• I've been using my Fitbit.  I try to get to 10000 steps most days.  I don't always make it, but I try.  I'm also watching what I eat.  Hopefully I won't gain too much weight before the next appointment.  The Fitbit also monitors my sleep, which has been not great.  I do ok on the weekends, but during the week, I usually get 6hrs 15 min.  My lunch walks are getting more difficult.  I'm starting to get achy, and I still have sciatica off and on.  I'm not meant to weigh 190-some pounds.  

Play

• We  saw The Book of Mormon in San Francisco on Tuesday.  It was so good, and we had a lot of fun.  We don't really go out and do stuff much, and it'll be even less in a couple of months.  It was a little last hurrah.  I had previously thought about a babymoon, but I don't think it's going to happen.