June

My second try at the root canal went much better.  Whatever that numbing stuff was worked well.  I go back in a few weeks to do step two (hopefully finish it before the crown gets put on).

Bronwyn is pulling up and cruising on all the furniture.  She likes to walk holding onto our hands.  She says "more", "dada" and "mama".  She has finally started crawling normally most of the time (instead of the army crawl).

The kids have been a little rough on me lately.  Bronwyn has been extra grumpy, which I think (hope) has to do with teething.  She has not wanted to nap, and sleeping at night has been a little rough too.  I'm not sure what is going on with Bertram, but he gets into these meltdowns.  I tell him to clean up and he can't do it.  It's just impossible.  He'll scream "I can't do it". So I'll send him to his room for quiet time.  Sometimes he'll calm down, sometimes he won't.  I've been trying to help him add words to his emotions, so I can help him.  But thus far, it's not helping.  Today they were both at their worst at the same time.  He's been doing a lot of back talk too.  I take away privileges (tablet and tv) or use time outs or quiet time.  Maybe it's normal for 4 year olds.  But I guess we'll just muddle through.

Brianon mentioned the loneliness of being a stay at home mom in her blog.  It's been on my mind lately.  It's a tough dichotomy for me.  Because social anxiety makes me want to be on my own a lot, but I also want to have some friends.  I feel like I don't really have any close (local) friends anymore.  Maybe that's typical of SAHMs?  I don't think my mom had a lot of close friends when we were young.  I'd like to go to the park group with the other SAHMs from church, but Bronwyn is always napping when they meet.  Maybe it's another thing that just needs to be muddled through?  How does one make friends as an adult?

Church is kind of tough too.  I don't feel like I belong there.  Like I'm not good enough, or the same enough.  Plus, I've lost my testimony, pretty much entirely.  And the more I try to work on it (doing all the textbook things: reading scriptures, studying, praying etc), the further away I feel.  Maybe it's not where I'm supposed to be.  Is there a time when you throw in the towel?  I guess it doesn't matter too much, I'll still be doing the same things. 

Well, this has been a kind of depressing post.  I guess I've been a little down lately.

Bertram's Awful, No Good, Horrible, Very Bad Day.

It started at 4am.  He started to cry.  I let him go for a while, but he didn't go back to sleep.  I looked closer at the monitor, and could see he was soaked.  Aaron and I went in, and he was super wet from chest to toe, and his bed (and favourite toy, Charlie Bear) were soaked as well.  We changed everything out, and he went back to sleep fairly quickly.  He woke up next around 8, and was not too unhappy, but was very poopy.  I got him cleaned up, fed, and then we went out the door to the DMV.  (I told him it was almost time to go, and he dragged my purse over to me, and said "go!").

We were at the DMV for about 50 minutes, fairly short, by DMV standards, but fairly long by 18 month-old standards.  He lost his patience pretty quickly, and kept saying "go" and "slide".  I kept reassuring him, not that it helped.  He was really starting to melt towards the end.

We got in the car, and headed to Willow Street Park.  He was really excited when we got there.  He played on the different things, and then he wanted to swing.  So I pushed him.  (And practically gave him whiplash by stopping the swing to keep him from crashing into a wayward kid(way to go attentive parents)). And he swung for 10-15 minutes, and wanted to keep swinging, but I was getting dizzy from watching him.  So I told him we had to let other kids have a turn (it's true, all the swings were being used).  And when I got him out, he want into full tantrum mode, and threw himself to the ground.  (Scraping his forehead in the process).  He calmed down and bit, and climbed up the equipment.  Wayward kid (probably about 1 year old) and his mom were on there too.  And like a flash Wayward kid had a fistful of Bertie's hair.  I pinned Bertie down, and Wayward kid's mom worked on loosening his kung-fu grip.  By that time, Bertie was in full hysterics and it was time to go.  He'd calm down, then make a pulling his hair motion and start crying all over again.  (That continued the whole way home).

I changed him, and laid him down, He didn't sleep, he'd wet through again.  I changed him, and laid him down again, and he finally slept.  (And so did I).

He was unhappy when he woke up.  Still upset about the hair pulling incident (continuing the hair pulling motion, and pouting), and he was trying to tell me something I wasn't understanding, which upset him further, compounded by the fact that I was offering him yogurt that he didn't want.  Eventually, he was composed, and we went to the grocery store.  Once we were there, he decided he was staving.  I got him some Hawaiian rolls, and he was fairly happy.

When we got home, he was good for a bit.  He demanded to go again, so he and I walked around the block.  He was fairly happy with that and once daddy came home.

His last canine tooth is coming in, so that doesn't help things.  But he was ok in the evening, and went to sleep fairly quickly.