31. Answered Questions

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
This is a difficult question.  I would be tempted to say someone famous.  But I would be too nervous and weird, and would say something dumb.  I would say my family: mom, dad, Jessica, Rebecca, Aaron and Bertie.

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
Short answer, no.  Long answer, maybe.  If I could be famous, but unknown, like most authors, or artists. Where maybe your name is known, but not who you are.

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
Not out loud.  But in my head a little.  I like to be prepared.

4. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
I sang to myself in the car on the way home from work. I sang to Bertie today.

5. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
I would want to keep my mind.  My body is not useful if my brain is mush.

6. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
Cancer.

7. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
We are dorks. We like playing cards. We have the same goals in life.

8. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
My family.

30. Remember the small things

Little Bertram things

• Yesterday in the car (I was sitting in back with him), he grabbed my arm, hugged it and said I love you.  
• Just now (3am) I heard him fussing, so I went to check on him.  "Tuck in my toes".  This is a common request.
• He likes quoting Phineas and Ferb. Specifically 'doofenshmirtz evil incorporated', 'Meep', and saying Trapped!, because Perry always gets trapped.
• He's really starting to enjoy playing with his cousins.
• He loves books.
• His giggle is the best sound.

29. Higher Education

Both of my parents were the first (and only) in their families to go to college. Dad got a BS and two masters. Mom got her RN and BSN.

I was determined to continue the trend. I did well in high school and got into most of the schools I applied to. I ended up at the local state school. My parents paid for school. I enjoyed it, for the most part. But I didn't have a solid goal. I really wanted to major in Biology. I wanted it a lot, I loved biology. Unfortunately, at my school, a Bio major required a chem minor. And try as I might, I could not get chem. I really wanted to, it was very interesting. But even after hours of group and individual study, I only got a C. (The minimum needed to pass chem 1.)

After that I switched to my other passion, art. I liked the art major even more. But most classes were studio classes, which were 6+ class hours a week. It is really had to take all the required classes, because there isn't enough time. So it takes a long time to complete.

On top of this, I was working 20 hours a week, so some of my days were lost to that.

After 5 years of college, I had a lot of credits, but not enough in any subject to graduate.

Then we moved, and that was it for college. I worked full time until I had Bertie.

I day dream about finishing, but there isn't much of a point, except to say I did it. I don't have plans or dreams of a career. And unfortunately a degree doesn't mean what it used to.

My little sister got her degree. I couldn't be prouder, but also disappointed in myself.

But there is always one day...

28. Roughing it

We were not a camping family growing up.  Mom never was, dad never was, and us kids never were.  We still aren't.  I've been camping one time, and that was enough.

But in my youth, when we were in Virginia, we would visit 1000 Trails. I think, as an adult, I wouldn't be excited by 1000 trails.  I think it may be a step up from KOA.  But as a kid, oh my goodness, I was always so excited.  We stayed in cabins, they had everything a normal house would, except maybe a tv.  There was a mini golf course, a pool, a small arcade, ping pong, and it was right on a lake, or river.  Like the beach, we went with the extended family, so I had a lot of fun with my cousins.

I asked mom how often we went, because I felt like it was quite a few times, but she said it was only a few.

That was as close to roughing it as we ever got, thankfully.

27. The Pepper Incident and other early memories

This is an actual memory.  I was between 2.5-3, but I remember this pretty well.

We were living in Colorado.  And out to eat at some restaurant with a salad bar.  It should be mentioned that (much like Bertie) I love pickles, and I have from a young age.  On one trip from the salad bar, my mom brought me a pickle.  I popped it in my mouth.  Except it wasn't a pickle, it was a hot pepper.  I cried, and asked why she gave me that.  She kept saying sorry, sorry.  I was then a bit distrustful of her bringing me pickles.

On the first day at the Colorado house, I fell down the wooden steps.

I remember the nightmare that had me sleeping on my parents floor for months.

And I remember we had a mud room in from the back yard.

26. Child Labour

Growing up we didn't have specific chores, like other kids did.  We were asking to do things, and we did them.  Things like emptying the dishwasher, taking out the recyclables and picking up our junk.

On some occasions we had to help with yard work, which was the worst. Our house didn't have a typical front and back yard with grass and a tree, or a few bushes.  We lived on the side of a hill, and the front yard was all bushes and a few tree, the back yard was a deck and a lot of bushes and trees.  We didn't have any lawns at all.  So when major yard work had to be done we had to carry stuff from the back yard to the front and it was the worst thing that there ever was.  Or it was in our little kids minds.

Thinking on it now, we probably didn't have to do it too long, or often.  And at the time I remember thinking I'll never force my kids to do yard work when I'm a grown up.  But I will, of course.  Sorry young Rachel, you lose on this one.

25. A couple other times I was a bad kid

At some point when I was little, maybe around 4, I was at the department store with Nanny and mom.  I don't know how it happened, or what I was doing, but I managed to knock over a mannequin.  People came rushing over to make sure I was okay.  My mom was understandably angry.  Nanny thought it was hilarious.

When I was 5 or 6, I went to a bakery with mom while Jessica was having some dental work done. (I think.  That's how I remember the beginning, but it might not be right).  There was this beautiful wedding cake sitting on the low counter.  And, wanting to know if it was real, I stuck my finger in it.  The baker was pissed.  My mom wasn't mad, because you shouldn't put a real (non-display) wedding cake where it can get messed up.  Though, she did tell me to just ask if it was real in the future.

Around the same age, or maybe a little older, I complained of a headache.  It was a bad headache that just wouldn't go away.  Mom tried all the home and OTC remedies, but nothing helped.  So we went to the doctor, who suggested a head x-ray.  On the way home from the x-ray, I confessed that I never had a headache, I just wanted to see what would happen.  I'm pretty sure she was mad about that one.

24. A smattering of Jessica and Rachel shenanigans.

Here are some of the things we were up to as kids:

• At a carpet store, we climbed the pyramid of carpet rolls.  Dad said to come down, to which I said to Jessica "We don't have to listen to him."  It turned out we did.
• We used my mom's Toyota's windshield as a slide.
• When we were really little (3 and 4ish) we would pee in the backyard.  I don't know why.  I think we were pretending to be cats, and that's what cats do.
• Once when we were in the bath, we cover ourselves with soap suds, and told mom we were ghosts.
• We had an imaginary ghost that lived in our room.  (At least I assume he was imaginary).  We called him shadow.
• We would run through the racks of clothes at the store, but I think all kids do this.
• We dressed up Drummer (the cat) on more than one occasion (or at least attempted to).
• When Rebecca was a baby, we would pull on the corners of her mouth and say "Happy, sad, happy, sad" and giggle like mad.

23. Terrible family trips

My parents tried to take us to do fun things from time to time. We drove to Reno or Vegas a handful of times. The trips were mostly terrible. I can only really remember the last one.

We went to Laughlin (I think) before going to Vegas. We drove on this really desolate road. I was driving, I think I had my learners. We were on the desolate road, the fuel gauge said we were really low, and I really needed to pee. We were all grumpy. We made it to the hotel. But it was so hot, and buggy. And Jessica was upset because it wasn't Vegas, so eveything was different. I was a mopey teen because I missed my boyfriend.
It wasn't any better when we got to Las Vegas. Jessica was still grumpy, I was still mopey. Dad insisted we walk places, despite it being 115° outside.
That was the last road trip we went on as a family. God, we were ungrateful kids.

We went to Reno in the winter. I think Rebecca either wasn't born or she was little. I remember that being a fun trip, because there was snow. And the drive is only 4 hours (Vegas is 10ish).

On one of the Vegas (or maybe Reno?) trips we stayed in a motel off the strip. It was a terrible place. And the in the middle of the night there was a biker rally in the parking lot. It was so loud, and a little scary.

I have some good memories of our trips, but mostly it wasn't worth my parents' efforts.

22. More memories of the farm

• Catching frogs/toads
• Catching lightning bugs
• Playing on the slip and slide on the hill with cousins.
• Walking down the crunchy gravel road
• Playing hide and seek with the cousins
• Sitting at the kids table
• Petting the cows noses through the fence
• The tall, tall trees on the edge of the yard
• How soft and warm the dirt in the garden was
• The trailer house that was at the pond, in its 70's decorated splendor
• Digging up little muscles or clams in the creek
• Grandpa letting us drive his truck
• The old blue bike I would ride around
• The hum of the crickets, frogs, cicadas (and whatever else)
• How we would always unbuckle our seat belts as soon as we turned on to the country road
• How nanny always says "Hi Darlin'!"
• And the smell of her Shalimar
• The time when Rebecca was little, and walked through the tall grass.  She was covered in tiny ticks. 
• The warm summer rain
• The braided rug, under the table in the kitchen

21. How anxiety kept me safe.

As previously mentioned, I've dealt with anxiety for almost as long as I can remember.  I'd always thought of myself as a rule follower (especially after the incident mentioned yesterday).  I didn't want to be in trouble, and the rules were the best way to do that.  As time went on, I also didn't want to be noticed, and the best way to blend in, is not to do something wrong.

In middle school, I did all my work, and got good grades (except 6th grade math).  I didn't procrastinate much, and did my best to be a wall flower.  I didn't want critique or compliments, I just wanted to float along.  (I still don't do well with compliments).

In high school, when a lot of kids experiment with drugs, alcohol and sex, I didn't.  Part of the reason was because I was open about things with me mom, and I didn't want to tell her I did any of that stuff.  Another reason was that I was just scared.  I didn't want to do something illegal, I worried about getting caught.  I didn't want to not be in charge of my faculties, and do something I'd regret.

As a result, I've never been drunk, I've never been high, and I've only slept with one person.  I kind of regret the first two.  Youth is a time to try things out (maybe not high school, but college).  And I didn't.  I am happy that Aaron is the only one I've been with.

But maybe at 33, I could have a funny drunk story, or a regrettable tattoo, or know what weed is like.  Oh well, I guess there is still time for those things.  But now I don't have the excuse of being young... and I'm less anxious, well, mostly.

20. The one time I was a bad kid.

This took place when I was about 5.  Our grocery store used to have bulk wrapped candy in bins.  And you could buy a single piece for 5 cents.  I think I was originally given some nickels.  But at some point, I wasn't.  And then I started stealing it.  I would put a piece or two in the side of my sock, and then eat it later at home.  One time, my mom heard the crinkling in my sock.  "What is that noise?"  "Nothing."  She caught me, made me put it back and said if I steal things I'd go to jail.  The worst part was that this was right after Halloween, and as a punishment she took the rest of my candy away.  

It was a lesson that stayed with me.  I never stole anything again.

19. Jobs

Here are the jobs I've had:

• Baby sitter.  That was my first job, mostly for my sister's friends, and some for families at the synagogue.  It wasn't my favourite job, but it was fine when I wasn't old enough to get a real job.
• Joann Fabrics.  Shortly after I turned 16 I got a job at Joann's.  I cut fabric, rung people up, and put stuff away.  It wasn't a great job.  I think it paid $6.25 an hour.  It was either boring or busy.  It was kind of odd, since I knew nothing about sewing when I started there, but I learned a bit.
• Macy*s.  My boyfriend (or maybe he was my ex by then, I can't remember) helped my get that job, because he worked there.  I started out in seasonal apparel (swimwear and coats).  Some people don't wear underwear when trying on swimsuits, which is really gross.  It was an ok job.  Customers can be really rude.  After I was there a while I was able to transfer to stock in domestics.  I really liked that job.  I set my own hours, and I didn't have to deal with customers.  I just made sure the floor was neat and everything was stocked.
• Engineering company.  A guy from church was looking for a part time administrative aide. It was a good job, I had a lot of free time, and it paid well.  And I could organize it around school. But it was almost an hour each way (despite only being 10 miles from the house).  I worked there for 6 years.
• United Shredding.  After Aaron and I married, I needed a full time job.  I found a front desk job at the shredding company.  It was fairly boring, but it was really close to home (less than 3 miles).  I only worked there 6 months, because we moved to Utah.
• MegaGPS.  This was the online company I worked for in Utah.  I processed orders, talked to costumers on the phone, and helped with shipping.  It was a pretty good job, far from home, again, but it only took about 30 minutes to get there.
• OPTM PT.  I got a full time front desk job at the PT company in 2009 when we came back from Utah.  I learned to help with charts, and insurance benefits.  After I'd been there 3 years, I got to be the billing departments (as we moved from out-sourcing to in-house).  I really liked doing the billing, and it paid well.  I worked there until I was laid off in February.  While I had been there a long time, I had the fewest hours.  I knew it was coming, but it was still a little sad.
• Amazon.  I just started with Amazon about a month ago.  It's the first time I've worked an overnight shift.  I help receive packages (everything is already boxed when it arrives to us), and then sort them into areas.  It pays well for unskilled labour, and most of the people are nice.  I wear sweats to most shifts, and listen to my iPod whilst I work.

18. A quick memory

This memory has been rolling around in my head for a while.  But I couldn't remember if it had actually happened, until I confirmed with Jessica today.

(I think this was either before Rebecca was born, or mom stayed home with her.)

Our house, growing up, was on a hill.  So we had a good view of the city.  One night, we saw a beam of light from a klieg light.  I don't know whose idea it was, but we decided to follow it, and see what was there.  Jessica, dad and I got in the car, and drove off, in search of the klieg light.  It was the grand opening of an electronics store (which no longer exists).

While the end result was anti-climactic, it is a memory that has stuck with me (and is not fictional).

17. Likes and dislikes

Likes

• naps
• sloths
• almost all sweets
• Ikea
• Target
• the smell of new babies
• Diet Coke
• swimming
• reading
• the ocean
• pickles
• Tofurkey (it's actually good!)
• Ambien and Adderall (used as prescribed).
• (Parenthetical statements)
• voting
• going on walks
• eating
• clean linens
• magnolia trees

Dislikes

• smoking
• almost all squash
• crohns
• spiders
• philosophy
• taking charge
• mess
• cleaning out the fridge
• dental visits
• mink
• waking up tired

I may add more to this later in the day.  But it's 3am, and I need sleep

16. All the animals

Growing up, we always had animals.  Actually, my parents had animals for most of their marriage before kids.  And my mom grew up on a farm, so there were always animals.

My dad, I would say, is an animal person; especially cats.  I don't think he had pets growing up, but I could be wrong.  But he loves pets.  He said if he didn't always out live them, he'd have a cat.  It's too hard (emotionally), he said.  My mom is not really an animal person.  She likes animals, but wouldn't seek out any of her own (especially now that she's retired and likes to travel).

When I was little (and before I was born) my dad (the family) had a cat called drummer.  He was a smooth black cat.  He wasn't overly friendly, but not mean either.  Just a normal cat.  After he died (I think I was 7, maybe), Jessica and I each got a kitten.  Two grey tiger cats.  I named mine Tiger (how unoriginal).  Jessica called hers Smokey.  Smokey was especially anti-social, though, to be fair, we were very enthusiastic pet owners.  They were meant to be inside cats, but gradually became indoor/outdoor.  And back then, the flea medicines weren't great.  They became outdoor cats, and then semi-feral cats.  I think they lived to be 17ish.  We had a cat that adopted us, we called him BooBoo.  He was a super skinny, mangy, black and white tuxedo cat.  He had been de-clawed, which I assume means he was abandoned, since de-claws cats can't do well outside.  We tried to bring him in, as he was a very lovey cat.  But he was either incontinent, or too dumb to use a little box, and peed in the heat vents.  So then he only came in if he was under direct surveillance.  He disappeared (died) a few years later.

We also had hamsters, and a few birds in those years.  

In college, my friend Anna adopted a cat named Lilac (We renamed her Phantom, aka Phantos Mantos, because she was super sneaky).  She was going away on a trip, and brought the cat to my house.  Then the cat never left.  I think my friend's mom didn't like the cat.  This isn't surprising, as she was a mean cat.  She loved to claw at people and news papers.  When Aaron and I moved out, we left her with my dad.  But as he became increasingly ill, the cat wasn't doing well either.  And he couldn't take care of her well.  She died one day before we came home for Christmas break.  (We couldn't take her to Utah, no apartments there allow pets.  Seriously, it's impossible to find a place that takes pets).  We both still feel bad about that.

When we were in Utah we got two rats, Winston and Dexter.  They were good guys.  It's funny, but they had distinct, and unique personalities.  Winston died on the fourth of July, after being sick.  (We took them to the vet for various issues, as one would with any animal).  We got a dumbo rat called Floyd shortly there after, and moved back to California.  After a year or so, Dex died.  So we got Stanley (because rats are social).  One night while we were asleep, Stanley attacked Floyd so badly, we thought Floyd died.  Aaron rushed him to an exotics vet, where we paid $500 to put a rat back together.  (Stupid decisions made highly emotional moments).  Stanley had essentially castrated Floyd.  Then they were separated, and we got no more rats.  

This is getting too long, but I think I've written about the current round of pets more recently.

15. Embarrassing moments

I am one of those people who replay things in their heads; what I could/should have said/done, and why did you say/do that?!  So here are a few embarrassing moments that have stayed with me.

If first grade I called the teacher mommy.  (Her name was Mrs Moore, so at least it started the same).

When I was 13, I had a Bat Mitzvah.  Mine was in the afternoon, and my friend had his in the morning.  He asked me to read something at his, somewhat last minute.  I agreed, not thinking much about it.  Then I was up on the stage, in front of everyone, I screwed it all up.  I jumbled the words, mixed up or skipped entire sentences.  I barely held it together.  Then when I sat back down, I just started crying, and I cried through the rest of the service.  I some how pulled it together by the afternoon, and did fine at mine.

Sometime in my youth, I asked my aunt (who is adopted) if she ever met her real mom.  Of course, Nanny is her real mom, what I should have said was biological mom.

At age 5 or 6 I needed a throat culture.  Mom had taken me to the doctor, I assume I probably had strep.  But I absolutely refused to let them take the culture.  Mom was furious.  She made dad take me back later that day, and then I let them do it.  (My dad never disciplined us, mom did that.  But for some reason, we were all scare of dad).

Around age  22, I needed to go to the dentist.  I had been freaking out about it all day.  (I am a huge baby about going to the dentist). I think it was the first time I saw Dr Shimamoto.  And, practically before he ever looked in my mouth, I started crying.  An adult, crying in a dentist's chair, for no real reason, other than being scared.

When Aaron and I were in the early days of dating, I was over at his house.  We were in the living room chatting with his dad, and I sneakily (or so I thought) farted.  But it was really stinky.  When we left the room, Aaron said "sorry about my dad farting." I told him, nope that was me.

Along the same lines, probably around the time Bertie was 2, we were at Target.  I burped and said excuse me.  Bertie loudly announced "Mommy toot!"

I'm sure there are so many more experiences I could add, but I'm feeling thoroughly mortified having written these.

14. Dad

I've been putting this one off a bit, because it's complicated.

Growing up we did not have the best relationship.  He was a good provider, and was home every night, but never went out of his way to do much extra for us kids (though there were exceptions).  He never hit us, or anything like that, but he usually wasn't particularly nice.  Most homework sessions, and all Hebrew lessons ended with me in tears.  He never said it, but I really felt stupid.  There were no hugs, or I love you's.

But there was good stuff too.  He told great stories.  Anecdotes from his youth, and time in the Peace Corps.  He told us about history, and science.  He read to us every night from chapter books.  We read all of the Little House series, Black Beauty, Alice in Wonderland, Boxcar Children, and others I'm forgetting. He would always let us watch whatever he was watching (though that may have been a negative at times).  For a while, maybe in middle school, we went ice skating at this outdoor rink in Palo Alto, every Sunday night.  (And whenever the elementary school would have a roller rink night, he would go, he really liked that kind of think).  And he was funny, and (still is) one of the smartest people I know.

In my teens things were not good between us.  I can't remember any particular thing, but it just wasn't good.  I was convinced that at the first opportunity, I'd leave and never look back.

But that didn't happen.  I stayed there when my mom and sisters left.  And I stayed all of college.  And Aaron and I stayed there when we were first married.  Dad didn't charge us rent.

The turning point was when Aaron and I moved to Utah.  Dad's health took a bad turn, he broke his arm, and had bi-lateral hip replacements and the Crohns diagnosis.  When things got worse for him, they got better for us.  Odd as that may sound.  He became very generous and sent checks for birthdays.  And if we were in a jam, he send money no questions asked (except how much do you need?).

Aaron and I moved in with him again for 6 months or so after returning to California.  There were still health issues, and we were able to help with that. And things there better.

But I was still resentful.  And every Father's Day at church was awful.  I had to hear about all these great relationships, and there I was with none of that.  Then, one day, I had an epiphany.  He did the best he could.  And that changed everything.

His childhood was not great.  His mother was very often mean, or downright cruel.  There was corporal punishment in his house, despite not doing anything that would warrant it.  He did well in school, didn't cause trouble, and followed the rules.  Nothing was ever good enough for his mother.  And all of that sank in.  He didn't beat us, he didn't berate us.  He helped with our homework the only way he knew how.  He read to us daily, and taught us a lot.

And at this point, I can say I love my dad a lot.  He has done more for me than either he or I will ever know.  His health issues still linger, which is scary.  (And so odd considering he led a really healthy life.  He was always active, never over weight, didn't smoke, drink, or eat badly, and yet everything still went bad.)

13. Insomnia

Sleep issues seem to run in the family.

I have had insomnia off and on since 4th or 5th grade.  I can remember watching an episode of The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson with my dad, and he stopped hosting when I was 9.  Some of my insomnia came with my OCD tendencies: is the door locked? did I really lock it? did I actually check that other door? better check again.  is the toaster plugged in? etc.  But aside from that I couldn't make my mind calm down.  And then I would stress out because I was still awake.

In middle school it wasn't as bad, because class didn't start until 9:30 (not sure who thought of that schedule, but they're a genius).  I'd stay up late, listening to Loveline, or watching Jay Leno, and go to sleep at 12 or 12:30, and have no issues getting up.  That changed in high school because we started at 7:20.  So I took OTC medicine to help sometimes.  I trying Unisom, which was the worst.  Benedryl and Nyquil were what I used most often.  Not everyday, but probably at least once a week.  I had done all the regular tips, no caffeine, no naps, a relaxing routine, etc, but nothing ever helped.

In late high school or college, I got a prescription for Lunestra.  That was a wonderful, miracle drug.  With the exception that it made your mouth taste awful the next day (the whole next day).  After that I moved on to Ambien, which I like better than Lunesta.  I feel like the Lunesta works quicker (and better) but there is no after taste with Ambien.  Currently I'm out of sleep meds, and use melatonin on occasion. But now that I'm working the swing shift 4 nights a week, my rhythms are all off (hence the second 1am blog post this week).  I think I may ask my shrink for a new Ambien Rx, to help on my off days.  But I'll see what he says.

My mom (as previously mentioned) worked nights for 20+ years, so she was always tired.  She really could nap anytime, though didn't have the opportunity very often.

My dad has had insomnia off and on most of his life.  He tried prescription sleep meds, but had issues with them (sleepwalking).  Now that he's getting older, he doesn't sleep much at night, but naps most days.

Rebecca has intermittent insomnia too.  And Jessica, for a while anyway, was practically nocturnal.  (She was very active in some online groups that kept late hours (or had many members overseas)).  Now that she has a more regulated schedule she is less-nocturnal, but still leans that way.

Aaron, on the other hand, had never had sleeping issues.  We'll go to bed, he'll say he's not tired, and be asleep in 5 minutes.  I am beyond jealous, and hope that Bertie takes after him in that aspect.

12. Grandma Bertha

Bertha was my paternal grandma.  She died in 2000.  (Typing that makes me realize that 2000 was actually a long time ago).  She was always called Grandma Bertha even though we had no one else called "grandma."  I found this odd when I got old enough to think about it.

Her husband, my grandpa died when I was three, so I don't remember him.

One week of our month-long Virginia trip was carved out for visiting grandma Bertha.  We would drive the 9-10 hours up the East coast in our rented car, that always smooshed us three kids into the not-large-enough back seat.  There would inevitably be crying, yelling and complaining.

We would stay at grandma's house, which was the house my dad grew up in: the top floor of a four unit apartment building.  It was a small house, with nothing updated.  Two bedrooms, one bathroom (that only had a tub, no shower). There was an attic upstairs, which my dad made his bedroom at some point in his youth.  There was also a half bath up there.  It had a hot tap, and a cold tap, which means you either burn or freeze your hands.  There was one tv, and it was one of those old ones that are furniture, and when you shut it off the picture faded to a tiny dot, which would disappear after a bit. (I'm sure that effect has a name, but I don't know it).  The couch was covered in plastic, there was no A/C which meant the house was usually stiflingly hot.
When we were small (or maybe every time we were there, I can't remember), Jessica, Rebecca and I would all sleep on the sofa bed hidden in the plastic-covered couch.  I think my mom slept in the second bedroom (it had a twin bed with a mattress that was probably 40 years old), and my dad slept in the attic, though, I don't know how, the attic was so hot.
In the living room there was a curio cabinet with all sorts of little knick-knacks.  Jessica and I always would get them out and look at them.  (Even now, I can almost remember the smell of the inside of the cabinet).  There was also a rotary phone, which I thought was pretty cool. The second bedroom was aunt Rosalie's childhood room.  A lot of her teenage things were still there.  Love beads, and other jewelry, and this musky cologne that I always loved smelling.
And despite being hot, the attic was the best place in the house, at least in my young mind.  It was kind of a doorway to the past.  My dad's childhood preserved in one space.  There was a nook with his bed, in it old posters about space.  The other nook had mirrors on the two opposite sides (and windows on the other) so you could look at your reflection into infinity.  All of my dad's old stuff was up there: erector set, and really old mister potato head, various chemistry experiment-y things (including a small dish of mercury), his information from returning home from Peace Corp (complete with awesome picture), and a big bag of wheat pennies, among other things.

I go into so much detail about the house, because that is the extent of most of my memories of her.  When we would come to visit she didn't really acknowledge us.  She wasn't at all huggy kissy, or affectionate in anyway.  She was mostly housebound (then later completely housebound).  Into the later years of our visits I think she had dementia.

There were always things I looked forward when we went there.  There was a mini-mart at the end of the block, so we'd walk there for snacks.  We would visit the museum ever year, it was natural history, and art. We would go to the lake, which one of two places I've ever seen a seesaw in real life (the other was also there in Pittsfield somewhere, but I can't remember where.  Maybe a park).  We'd watch prime time tv as a family (which we rarely did at home (because we had other tvs)).

I remember a lot of the fun things, but mostly it was not fun.  One year the house had a lot of fleas from grandma feeding the neighbour cats.  One year Rebecca (or maybe all of us) had lice.  It was always hot, and there wasn't a lot to do.

I feel bad that I didn't try to get to know my grandma better.  Ask her questions about the past and her life.  But I think I was 10 (maybe a little older) when we stopped going to visit.  So it wasn't anything that I really thought about then.

I guess #12 was really more about Massachusetts than my grandma, but in my head the two are intertwined.

Baby Rebecca, aunt Rosalie, Grandma Bertha.