Saturday

On Thursday we went to Chesterfield Town Center.  I got a few things at Old Navy.  We had pretzels for lunch.  Bronwyn was starting to feel better.  But she was draining a little, so a wet cough and the sniffles.  I got her some Claritin; it's helped some.  We got Chinese for dinner.  I ate way too much.

We had a pretzel left over from yesterday for breakfast.  It was a little chewy, and then I broke my tooth.  the premolar on the bottom cracked in half.  From a pretzel!  Ugh.  It wouldn't have mattered if it happened at home, as my dentist isn't open on Fridays.  It doesn't hurt.  I went to the store and got some tooth glue, and put it back in.  But it didn't last.  I took the kids to the trampoline park.  It was pretty loud inside, and both kids had their hands over their ears.  Bertram started crying and saying he wanted to go home.  It cost almost $80 for the three of us and socks.  I told him we were going to try it out for a while and if they weren't having fun we could leave.  Bronwyn got into it pretty quickly.  Bertram kept being upset so I called my mom and asked if she could pick him up.  But by the time she arrived he was having a good time.  They especially liked playing in the foam pits.  Bronwyn was pretty fearless, Bertram was more cautious, of course.  We ended up staying for our whole allotted time.

In the afternoon we went swimming at my aunt's house.  The kids had a lot of fun, and one of my cousins, who I hadn't seen in the long time, was there too.  Bertram loved the diving board.  He is still using his lifejacket.  

Some storms were coming, so we got out, and went down the road to visit Nanny.  She wasn't particularly with it on that day.  So we visited for a bit and waited out the storm before driving home.

I woke up with a lesser version of what Bronwyn had.  No fever, stuffy nose, and a cough.  Sudafed helped.  The weather was nicer today than it had been, much cooler and less humid.  I was going to walk, but didn't end up doing it.  I started drinking my coffee over ice, because it's too hot for hot coffee.  It's delightful.  We went to Target and JC Penney in the morning.  I found some really cute things.  And some baby things for Rebecca.  Mom suggested I put them away for her baby shower.  We got lunch at Panera, and then went back home for a bit.  I took a quick nap.  Then we went to Rebecca's house and swam for a while. We got gas on the way home, and got Wendy's for dinner.  I gave everyone a bath, and did some laundry.  Bron fell asleep at Nana and Papa's house.  She woke up long enough to come home.  And then fell asleep again.

Still at home

 Despite testing negative twice, Aaron tested positive with the home test yesterday.  So we all have/had it.  

Today is day 10 for Bronwyn.  So, as long as she doesn't have a fever, she can go to school on Monday.  The rest of us are a few days behind her.  I think today is day 9 for me.  I'm feeling well enough.  I still have a cough and a little post nasal drip, but no fever.  According to the CDC I'm free to roam as long as I wear a mask.  I think I'll go to the library.  I got three books, I read one and I can't get into the other two.

Aaron is still lethargic. It doesn't help that Bertram doesn't sleep well, and Bron gets up really early.

There really isn't anything else to report.  We're all going a little crazy.  I haven't cleaned well in almost 2 weeks.  It's too hard to do with everyone here.  I have been weeding again.  I need to put out some seeds too.  

Day 63

Still going crazy.  Dealing the best I can.

I've been listening to a lot of audiobooks.  Some good, some less good.  I just finished A Man Named Ove, which I loved.  Prior to that I "read" Guns, Germs, and Steel, which had been on my list for a long time.  It was not very good, and for a book called Guns, Germs and Steel it talked very little about any of those topics.  It also felt very redundant.  I guess it wasn't for me, but I finished.  I think I've done 46 books this year.  

Aside from audiobooks, I've been weeding (Still).  It's the thing I really look forward to each day.  I love being outside, and digging and accomplishing something.  Sometimes the kids join me (not to weed, just to play outside).

Our county is the lone holdout in California for leaving stage 1.  Though, stage 2 isn't much different, at least not for us.  The numbers are looking pretty good currently (for here, anyway).  I think we've done really well (thank you Dr Sara Cody).  There are almost 2 million people, we've had 2400 confirmed Covid cases, and 135 deaths.  I am going to try to donate blood this week.  The banks are in need, though, my stupid A+ blood is not super helpful.  It's something I can do.  We've also been ordering take away food from local restaurants three (or more) times a week. 
The rest of our (Aaron's) family seems to think the stay home order has been lifted, and are gathering again.  (Not that that ever stopped his parents anyway).  We go and visit his parents by sitting on the lawn while they sit on the porch.  My FiL asked how long we were going to keep this up (meaning not coming into the house, assembling etc).  I said we're following the guidelines set by the county, which he couldn't argue with.  But we're now the stick in the mud, because we won't join the group.  I'm sure it's been a topic of conversation.  It's annoying.  And I would love to assemble, and sent the kids there, but I'm going to follow the rules.  I'm immuno-suppressed (And his parents average age is 77).  

I've been on Remeron for a little over a month now.  It works really well, but it makes me hungry a lot, which is one of the side effects, so it may not be a sustainable long term solution.  But at this point it's kind of hard to tell if weight gain (up 7ish lbs currently) is from quarantine, or medication.

We bought a new laptop (which I'm currently using) to help with Bertram's school stuff.  We were using the desktop, but it was not super conducive to him paying attention.  This is working  much better, plus we have the space of the whole kitchen table.

Aaron has been looking at plane tickets.  We had talked about doing a big trip for either his 40th birthday or our 15th anniversary. Our anniversary is in less than a month, so that's out.  But plane tickets to Europe are ridiculously cheap ($300ish for London, Rome and Paris).  I would like to make a move on that, but everything is too unsettled.  I can't really plan for anything that far out.

Bronwyn likes to recite books.  She has an amazing memory.  She really likes the Elephant and Piggie books.  And the Three Cats books by Viviane Schwarz.  She likes puzzles, and her little dinosaurs.  She loves to wear necklaces and hats.  She doesn't like most food, or sleeping.  She likes playing outside.  If she has chalk, she wants me to draw a house, a shark, or a snowman.  She picks (usually) unripe fruit from the plants and brings it to me.  As she hands it over she says "thank you".  

Bertram has been reluctantly doing school.  I am very glad I don't home school.  I couldn't handle it, for sure.  And he does better with the structure of the class room.  He's having a hard time being home.  He doesn't say so, but it's affecting him/his behaviour.  He really just wants screen time all the time.  And he's getting way more than he usually would.  But he's been reading, and drawing.  His ABA tech comes during the week, which helps some.  Tonight Bertram wanted to try using the waterpik (which I just got this week).  It went about as well as you'd guess.  He's not ready for it.

Both kids have been playing outside as much as I can make them.  I fill the little paddle pool, and they play with that.  They make mud in the part of the garden we're not using and play in there a lot.  They use the sand box (we need a bigger one though).  Stuff like that.  Aaron and I have both been baking a lot.  He makes bread and has been fiddling with sourdough recipes.  I've been doing cookies and cakes.   

23. Terrible family trips

My parents tried to take us to do fun things from time to time. We drove to Reno or Vegas a handful of times. The trips were mostly terrible. I can only really remember the last one.

We went to Laughlin (I think) before going to Vegas. We drove on this really desolate road. I was driving, I think I had my learners. We were on the desolate road, the fuel gauge said we were really low, and I really needed to pee. We were all grumpy. We made it to the hotel. But it was so hot, and buggy. And Jessica was upset because it wasn't Vegas, so eveything was different. I was a mopey teen because I missed my boyfriend.
It wasn't any better when we got to Las Vegas. Jessica was still grumpy, I was still mopey. Dad insisted we walk places, despite it being 115° outside.
That was the last road trip we went on as a family. God, we were ungrateful kids.

We went to Reno in the winter. I think Rebecca either wasn't born or she was little. I remember that being a fun trip, because there was snow. And the drive is only 4 hours (Vegas is 10ish).

On one of the Vegas (or maybe Reno?) trips we stayed in a motel off the strip. It was a terrible place. And the in the middle of the night there was a biker rally in the parking lot. It was so loud, and a little scary.

I have some good memories of our trips, but mostly it wasn't worth my parents' efforts.

12. Grandma Bertha

Bertha was my paternal grandma.  She died in 2000.  (Typing that makes me realize that 2000 was actually a long time ago).  She was always called Grandma Bertha even though we had no one else called "grandma."  I found this odd when I got old enough to think about it.

Her husband, my grandpa died when I was three, so I don't remember him.

One week of our month-long Virginia trip was carved out for visiting grandma Bertha.  We would drive the 9-10 hours up the East coast in our rented car, that always smooshed us three kids into the not-large-enough back seat.  There would inevitably be crying, yelling and complaining.

We would stay at grandma's house, which was the house my dad grew up in: the top floor of a four unit apartment building.  It was a small house, with nothing updated.  Two bedrooms, one bathroom (that only had a tub, no shower). There was an attic upstairs, which my dad made his bedroom at some point in his youth.  There was also a half bath up there.  It had a hot tap, and a cold tap, which means you either burn or freeze your hands.  There was one tv, and it was one of those old ones that are furniture, and when you shut it off the picture faded to a tiny dot, which would disappear after a bit. (I'm sure that effect has a name, but I don't know it).  The couch was covered in plastic, there was no A/C which meant the house was usually stiflingly hot.
When we were small (or maybe every time we were there, I can't remember), Jessica, Rebecca and I would all sleep on the sofa bed hidden in the plastic-covered couch.  I think my mom slept in the second bedroom (it had a twin bed with a mattress that was probably 40 years old), and my dad slept in the attic, though, I don't know how, the attic was so hot.
In the living room there was a curio cabinet with all sorts of little knick-knacks.  Jessica and I always would get them out and look at them.  (Even now, I can almost remember the smell of the inside of the cabinet).  There was also a rotary phone, which I thought was pretty cool. The second bedroom was aunt Rosalie's childhood room.  A lot of her teenage things were still there.  Love beads, and other jewelry, and this musky cologne that I always loved smelling.
And despite being hot, the attic was the best place in the house, at least in my young mind.  It was kind of a doorway to the past.  My dad's childhood preserved in one space.  There was a nook with his bed, in it old posters about space.  The other nook had mirrors on the two opposite sides (and windows on the other) so you could look at your reflection into infinity.  All of my dad's old stuff was up there: erector set, and really old mister potato head, various chemistry experiment-y things (including a small dish of mercury), his information from returning home from Peace Corp (complete with awesome picture), and a big bag of wheat pennies, among other things.

I go into so much detail about the house, because that is the extent of most of my memories of her.  When we would come to visit she didn't really acknowledge us.  She wasn't at all huggy kissy, or affectionate in anyway.  She was mostly housebound (then later completely housebound).  Into the later years of our visits I think she had dementia.

There were always things I looked forward when we went there.  There was a mini-mart at the end of the block, so we'd walk there for snacks.  We would visit the museum ever year, it was natural history, and art. We would go to the lake, which one of two places I've ever seen a seesaw in real life (the other was also there in Pittsfield somewhere, but I can't remember where.  Maybe a park).  We'd watch prime time tv as a family (which we rarely did at home (because we had other tvs)).

I remember a lot of the fun things, but mostly it was not fun.  One year the house had a lot of fleas from grandma feeding the neighbour cats.  One year Rebecca (or maybe all of us) had lice.  It was always hot, and there wasn't a lot to do.

I feel bad that I didn't try to get to know my grandma better.  Ask her questions about the past and her life.  But I think I was 10 (maybe a little older) when we stopped going to visit.  So it wasn't anything that I really thought about then.

I guess #12 was really more about Massachusetts than my grandma, but in my head the two are intertwined.

Baby Rebecca, aunt Rosalie, Grandma Bertha.

7. Jessica

Jessica is my older sister.  If you read my blog regularly, you'll likely have seen my younger sister mentioned a lot.  But Jessica scarcely makes it in.  She reads the blog and once asked if it was because I am embarrassed of her.  I told her no, she and I just don't do a lot together.

I can remember when we were little we had so much fun together!  We played with dinosaurs, blocks, Legos and chess.  (Neither of us are good at chess, but we both knew what all the pieces did, so we played without strategy).  She was super smart, and taught herself to read around age 3.  Once she could read, you'd think she'd read kids books.  Nope, she read the encyclopedia, and the dictionary and any book she could find about animals.  So when we would pretend to be animals, we were often amoeba or paramecium.

 When we were in elementary school she was in special ed.  I never really thought about why.  It didn't occur to me for a long time that she was different.  (And while it did occur to my parents, Jessica was 10 (I think) once she was finally diagnosed with Asperger's).  Though I can remember being on the playground at recess, and kids making fun of her.  Or saying there was a bee on her head so she would fling her hands around and run off screaming.  I am ashamed to say that I didn't speak up, step in, or defend her when the asshole bully kids called her retarded.  That is one of those things that has stuck with me; a time (many times, actually) I had the opportunity to do the right thing, and I did nothing.

Fortunately, my parents found a private school for her starting in 6th grade.  The school was originally in Palo Alto (which was 15 miles from my mom's hospital, or 24 miles from our house).  This was a long commute, especially after my mom had either worked 8-12 hours.  (I'm not sure why my parents decided my mom would always drive her).  After a few years the school moved to Santa Clara, which was pretty close to the hospital and not super far from the house.  Anyway, I thought the school was awesome.  But I've recently found out there were still asshole bully kids there (which seems odd, they're all in the same boat, disability-wise).

I think somewhere in late elementary school we started to be less close.  And once puberty hit her it hit her hard.  It was difficult for her, and my parents.  And I felt like the left out middle kid.  Jessica got attention because of her issues, Rebecca got attention because she was the baby.  I got attention by picking on either or both of them.  And I was jealous that I could go to private school too, not knowing how much private school actually costs.  And my folks were always good with their money, we weren't spoiled, but we didn't want for much either. (Reading all this, it's no wonder my parents got divorced).

My dad always said I had the magical ability to cheer her up when she was sad.  I honestly don't remember doing that, but it seems like something I'd do.

Jessica lives with my mom in Virginia.  (Well, she lives next door.  My mom moved into Glenn's house, so Jessica pretty much has mom's house to her self).  She goes out with her aid/helper/??? a few times a week, and volunteers on an animal helpline.  I feel sad/frustrated that there isn't something more she can do.  Or that where they are doesn't have the services of San Jose.  I think there is a lot she is capable of doing (and enjoying), but there is no one to facilitate it.  My mom is tapped out, and her job coach doesn't do anything.  The other issue is transportation.  That part of Virginia is semi-rural, and has no public transpo.  And Jessica doesn't drive.

Anyway, I feel like I've rambled on a long time.  I wish we were closer, but Asperger's doesn't allow a lot of interpersonal skills,  So we reconnect twice a year (when she comes out here to visit dad, or when I go out there).  Jessica, start a blog, then I know what you're up to. 

5. The worst year.

2001 was the worst year.

It was the year my parents split.  My mom and sisters moved to Virginia.  I stayed in California with my dad.  This was after deciding to go to college locally (even though I got into some really good state schools).  I think everyone in my family was surprised that I didn't go with my mom.  Heck, I was surprised.  Up until (and for a while, beyond) that point, I didn't get along with my dad very well.

They left, and soon after I started college.  High school was really easy for me.  I got good grades without much effort, and I never had to study.  It turned out college was not similar.  I was not prepared for the amount of work I needed to do.  And I needed to study, which was something I never learned.

About a month after that, Aaron left on his mission.  (For those who don't know, when Mormons go on missions there is very little communication with home.  Two phone calls a year, and weekly letters.  For two years.)  So, everyone I loved (and who loved me back) left in the span of about 4 months.

It was the worst time in my life.

Vacation in Virginia

We're about halfway through our trip. :-(

The flights: We flew from San Jose to Boston to Richmond.  We (Bertie and I, Aaron stayed home) had a red eye to Boston.  Bertie did pretty well, he slept most of the flight.  Follow passengers commented on how well he did.  (Our flight was only 2/3 full, so the middle seat in our row was empty).  He was awake when we got to Boston.  I changed him, and there was a little playground right by the bathroom, so he got to play for a few minutes.  He loved looking out the windows at the planes and trucks. The flight to Richmond was really empty, there were maybe 20 people in a 96 seat plane.  We had a lot of room, which was good, because he would not sit still.

Sleep: Mr Bertram has not been sleeping very well.  He's having separation anxiety about sleeping in an unfirmilar place.  I've been waiting in the room while he falls asleep, which seems to help.  He's been napping in the car, or on one of us (me, my sister, nana or papa).  This morning my sister came and took Bertie at 7am, so I could sleep.  (Happy mothers day!)

What we've been up to: Lots of visiting, and just hanging out.  We went to see Nanny, aunt Debbie, uncle Martin, (cousin) Abigail, and her hubby Nick.  We're going to see the other Pace's tomorrow.  Rebecca stayed at my mom's house all week so we could hang out.  We've been having a lot of fun.  My mom bought a paddle pool for Bertie, he's used it almost every day.  He loves it!  Today Rebecca and I went to Duck Donuts.  All the donuts are made to order: meaning the fry them when you order, and do the toppings right them.  I got Bertie a plain glazed, and I had maple bacon. O.M.G.  It was the BEST donut I've ever had!  After that we went to her apartment to use the pool.  It wasn't super hot, and the pool was a little cool.  But Bertie had so much fun.  He is a water baby.

Boy and the boy napping

Bubbles and the paddle pool.

Fun at the pool

So happy

Sitting in his own seat, like a big boy.

Watching the planes and trucks

Duck Donuts!

Blog dump

Here is what I've been up to for the past month or so:

Aaron got me into Game of Thrones.  It's so good, but difficult to watch, at times.  I tried to read the books, but they're a little more intricate than books I like, a la J R R Tolkien.

I flew out to Virginia for a week, for my sister's graduation.  Really, just to hang out and have family time, since the graduation was only a day.  I got to spend a lot of time with my mom and my sister.  And also my dad.  It was weird, because it was like being a real family again.  We hadn't all been together since my wedding, 8 years ago.  It was fun to just sit around and talk.  My parents were discussing me going back to school to finish my degree.  My dad has tentatively offered to pay for an online school.  But I need to look into it.  And I need to talk to SJSU and see if my credits are still worth anything.

I also did something kind of crazy for my impending 30th birthday; I got my nose pierced.  I was thinking about getting a tattoo, but I wasn't ready to take the plunge.  I like it, it's really cute.  It hurt, quite a bit, but it was so quick; my eyes welled up, but that was it.  Rebecca was supposed to go with me, and maybe get a cartilage piercing.  But I knew she'd chicken out, so I went without her.

I've been eating like crazy.  I'm a couple days "late".  Late has to be in quotes, since my cycle doesn't have a set length.  I tested a couple days ago, and it was negative.  It's really frustrating. But I guess we've only really been trying for six months, I just expected it would happen quickly.  Anyway, I think I'm just PMSing. But I really need to start moving more and eating less.  I'm still just so tired all the time, it's hard to exercise, or do much of anything, really.  I miss Adderall a lot.  I have an appointment with my shrink in a couple weeks, so we can evaluate how I'm doing.

I had my dentist appointment.  I need one filling.  No big deal.

We finally got smartphones!  Aaron, my dad and I all had olde tyme phones.  I didn't think it would be a big deal, but I've been having a lot of fun with it.

Last Saturday Aaron and I saw Star Trek.  This is worth mentioning because we rarely go to the movies, because I don't like movies, and I get really agoraphobic in movie theaters   But the movie was so good!  I liked it even better than the first one.