I don't feel well.  I feel so bad, in fact, that I wouldn't mind being on Prednisone at this point.  That's pretty bad.  Stupid Crohns.  I never realized how draining a long term illness is.  Funny, the things we take for granted.

On a brighter note, I have a new lofty dream.  I'm thinking about getting an RN when Aaron is done with school.  Two of the local community colleges have RN programs.  But I can't start applying til I know where we're going to be.  So hopefully by this time next year, I can be applying.  Also, hopefully most of my GE stuff will transfer from SJSU.  I talked to my mom to see if not having a BSN would be a hindrance.  She said it wouldn't unless I wanted to work in management, which I don't.  Plus, most of the community college programs have a bridge to BSN, should I change my mind.  But I'm not really looking for a career, per say.  But since it will be a while til we have kids, it would be good to have an actual career.  Useful skills, etc.  I think long term, I'd be looking to work at a doctor's office, or a small surgery center, not a hospital.  Just something with normal-type hours.

Feeling like a sad sack today.  I haven't been feeling well lately, which is part of it.  The other part is wrapping my head around the possibility probability that we will never have biological kids.  I'd always assumed we had bio and adopted kids.  I guess that's what I guess for assuming.  Most of the times I've come to accept that fact. That we'll be old parents, that our kid(s) won't have our genes, that our family will likely be a lot smaller than either of us had hoped.  Our kid(s) will also cost a lot more money.

I really don't like it when people say "You're still young, you have lots of time!"  I'm not that young.  And the Crohns isn't getting under control, so it's not looking good.  Ugh, I just hate that; it's so pandering.

My doctor suggested switching drugs, since the Entocort is not working super great.  The next step is Humira, an injectable drug.  I think it's going to be very expensive though.  That's a factor, since I have to be able to afford it.  Someone I know, he husband has Crohns and was on Humira, it was $2500 per dose after insurance!  Yeah, I can't afford that.  Guess I'll have to wait and see how much it will cost, then make a decision.

Ending the year

The sleep training has been going surprisingly well.  It's been very easy, actually.  After the first night, where I didn't sleep much, they've all been good.  I fall asleep between 10:30 and 11.  And set the alarm everyday for 7am.  That's really the hard part.  I want to stay in bed and keep sleeping.  But I know if I do that, I won't sleep the next night.  The only trouble I had was yesterday.  I took a Benedryl, because I had a sore throat.  It knocked me out hard, and I could not wake up the next day.  I think I slept til 9.  But it (fortunately) didn't ruin anything.  And I've been Ambien free for almost 2 weeks!

 

My stomach has been acting up off and on..  Nothing like before, but still not great.  I'm beginning to think my Crohns might be chronic.  Boo.  But it is, what it is.  Starting on January 1^st, I'm going on a sugar fast. Probably just for a week, maybe longer.  I've just been eating way too much junk.  And I don't moderate well, so it's just easier to say none.

 

We don't have any New Years plans.  We got invited to a couple of parties, but I'm not much of a party person.  Plus driving on New Years makes me nervous.

 

All of the animals are doing well.  They get a little closer to each other everyday.  I hope the catties might be snuggle friends someday.

 

I was thinking back on my resolutions for 2011.  Most of them didn't happen, but mostly due to my getting sick, not being lazy.  I wanted to run a half marathon.  I got really good with running, til I got sick.  I wanted to have more sex, again, good til I got sick.  I wanted to get pregnant: see previous.  I wanted to go to the temple 12 times, I think we went 10.  We did read scriptures together everyday.  So that resolution got kept.  Yay!

 

For 2012 these are my resolutions:

• Personal scripture study daily (along with "family" scripture study)
• Get back into running (as far as Crohns will allow)
• Eat less junk, and more natural foods
• Walk the doggies daily
• Start the adoption process (assuming Aaron has a job by the end of the year)
• Cook something new once a month
• Read at least 50 books (keep track with GoodReads)

That's all I can think of for the time being.

Christmas was very good to us.

We had a good Christmas.  We went to Aaron's mom's church for Christmas Eve service (per our tradition).  The we opened gifts when we got home, since it was Christmas.

We got a lot of nice things: clothes, a new iron, a blueray player, electric blanket, backpacking stuff, a new showerhead, new shoes, etc.  It was very nice.  Church was ok.  Nothing too special, really.

We had Christmas dinner with Aaron's folks and extended family.  Aaron and I spent a lot of with with baby Isaac (Aaron's cousin's baby).  I just want to soak up all the baby-ness.  So I held him a lot, fed him twice, and changed him once.  Aaron held him a lot too.  Kind of bittersweet.

I ate too much, so I'm up at 3am, feeling acidy.

It was a good day over all, but in the evening, I got depressio.  C'est la vie.

Diamond Jim update:
Mr Kitteh has Toxoplasmosis, which is common in cats.  But in FIV+ cats, it's worst, and can compromise the liver.  So he's on antibiotics, electrolytes and something else.  The vet said he probably won't live more than 4 or 5 years.  I'm surprised the estimate is that long.  It's good, but he's almost 12, his health is so-so, and he has FIV.  So we'll keep him around as long as he can be comfortable, but our goal was for him to spend his golden years in a nice home, so that's what we'll do.  But they saw no reason for the subcutaneous fluids, so at least there's that.  He'll have another blood test in 3 weeks to see how he's doing.

But he's been acclimating very well.  He's not sequestered anymore.  There have been very few confrontations.  And we solved the problem of his food.  He gets kitten food, to help him put on weight.  Moss, and Yoie both love that food, so it was hard to make sure he was getting him food.  Then I noticed that DJ cat can fit through the closet door when it's open 3-4 inches.  So we cleared out the bottom of the closet and set his food up in there, and it's been working great!  He's still super snuggly.  He'll follow
Aaron and I around the house. He really wants to sit on the keyboard.  Oh, and he not a huge fan of being carried.  

The Adventures of Diamond Jim

He's been a good boy so far.  But it's been stressful for him.

He's been on sub-cutaneous fluids, but we weren't sure why.  Best Friends sent along a very extensive medical history with him (going back to 2005).  We called our vet to see if we could just pick up the saline fluid for him (I already knew the answer, but I thought I'd ask).  They said they'd need to see him, since he was a new patient, etc.  Yesterday, Aaron loaded him back into the crate, and drove off to Dr Bath.  (Diamond Jim hates being in the crate, and spent 9+ hours in it the previous day).  Diamond Jim also hates the vet, which I think it mentioned in his paperwork.  Anyway, Dr Bath did an assessment, and said the cat seemed a little dehydrated, but nothing to warrant fluids, and there was nothing specific in the history that said why he was getting them.  So the only other way to determine why, was to do a full blood panel.  (I should mention that I trust our vet implicitly.  He has not steered us wrong in the past, hasn't been snobby about the fact that we adopt FIV+ cats (which our previous vet did), and saved poor Phantom when she was really, really bad off).  Dr Bath did mention that he didn't think it entirely necessary, unless we wanted to be sure about the fluids (he didn't actually seem to be concerned about Diamond Jim getting enough fluid).

Aaron gave him to ok to do the full blood panel.  Unfortunately, Diamond Jim did not.  He ended up having to be sedated, poor buddy.  So we'll get the blood results back today, and know for sure what's up.  And our free kitty, is far less than free now.  :-P  But that's ok, because that's how things go with animals.

We've been introducing him slowly to the other guys.  Yoie seems very interested in him, but very nervous (which is weird, because Moss cat is her best buddy).  So far, he is most nervous about Mossy.

We've had him sequestered in the guestroom.  Aaron spent the first night with him (not necessary, but the cat likes it).  I spent last night with him.  He's a very snuggly cat.  He loves people.

I did manage to clip his nails yesterday.  He wasn't a huge fan, but it's necessary.  And he didn't do too bad.  It a perfect world, I wouldn't have done it when he was stressed from being at the vet, but again, it needed to be done.  I didn't wanted him scratching us, or the other guys with his sharp nails.

Since it's early, I closed all the other guys in our bedroom, and let Diamond Jim out, so he could explore the house.  He spent a lot of time smelling Moss's litter box.  Now, he's found Moss's food, and apparently loves it.  It's funny to watch him eat, since he has no teeth.  I'm going to buy him some wet food today, since it's easier for him to eat, and it'll fatten him up.

I was looking at his airbill yesterday, I'm glad we didn't have to pay it, it was $260!  I wouldn't have minded, but I'm glad they were doing free shipping.

Aaron let all the guys out, Diamond Jim was unhappy.  So he's sequestered once again.

Things the Spirit has told me thing month:

"You are not forgotten"
"Know your limitations."

I didn't want to forget.

Waaaagh.

Well, not really.

I got rear-ended yesterday.  I was stopped at a yield (@ Lawrence and Saratoga), the guy behind me did not yield.  Ka-blamo!  Actually it wasn't too bad.  My bumper is a little crooked, but I'm sure his insurance will take care of that.  (We'll see how truthful those State Farm commercials are).  Claims are in.  I was sore yesterday, but today I'm feeling fine.

I started sleep training myself last night.  No more Ambien.  Go to bed only once tired.  Wind down at night, no tv, computer an hour before planning to sleep.  Get up at 7 (maybe everyday, I haven't decided on this for sure yet).  After getting up at 7, get outdoor exercise (hopefully working up to running again, for now, walking, or riding the bike).  No more than 24 ou. of soda a day (hopefully less).  No caffeine after 3pm.  Hopefully it'll get me on track.

Last night didn't go well.  I was sleepy on the couch, watching Fear Factor.  Then when I went to bed, I was wide awake.  I got out of bed around 1:30, and went back to bed around 3.  So it was not a good night, but I didn't freak out, which is good.  And hopefully tonight will be better.