The random list of things from today.

• I took Diamond Jim to the vet, because he'd been barfing all week.  He was a very good boy.  And on the way home, I let him out of the crate in the car, which he liked a lot.  Anyway, he has some GI issues, just like his mommy.  So he's on some meds and special diet.
• The weather was wonderful today.  I've had the windows open for most of the afternoon.  My house smells like steak.  It's kind of making me hungry, despite not having eaten steak in 3+ years.
• Aaron went to the city to play D&D with his friends.  So I was on my own.
• I went to my dad's to clean and get things ready for my sister, who's coming in a week.  (EEE!)
• My crohns has been very under control lately.  I think we finally have a regiment that is going to work.
• However, my depression is getting much worse.  All I want to do in lay in bed all day.  And/or cry.  But I force myself to do the necessary things.  I'm going to talk to the bishop tomorrow to see if I can get a referral to an LDS therapist.  (Usually they're cheaper than regular ones, and they can give me a religious perspective too.  But my thoughts have been scaring me lately.  Like driving home I thought, I can drive real fast into that lamp post, and maybe that would do it.  I don't think I'd actually commit any self-harm.  But the fact that I keep thinking about it frightening.
• My grandpa isn't dying.  He just had a bleeding ulcer.
• I line dried a bunch of clothes today.  It's awesome.
• I wish I could read, or pronounce Welsh.
• Somewhere in my cleaning adventures today, I really hurt my back.  I asked Aaron to get some topical muscle relaxant on his way home.
• Despite being in pain, and not wanting to, I took the dogs on a long walk.  Well, not long, 2.2 miles, but they haven't done that distance in quite a while.  So they're happy, and pooped.

Bad to worse

Things are not going well at work. That's all I'll say about it for now.

I had another baby dream last night.  For some reason, the baby had the same name as the cat, Diamond Jim.  But he was a great baby.  I'm not sure if I should love or hate these dreams, but they're the closest things I have, for now.

I awoke at 5:45 to the sounds of Diamond Jim barfing.  Again.  Fortunately he has an appointment with Dr Bath today.  He's been barfing, off and on for almost a week, maybe longer.  Plus he's already so thin...

My sister comes into town a week from today!  I'm super excited to see her.  We were planning on getting tattoos (our first) but we've likely both chickened out.  As in, I haven't made a appointment.  I guess we'll see.

My depression is getting worse.  And unfortunately, my appointment with the shrink got moved out to May.  Ugh.  I think I'll send him an email in the mean time.  My thoughts are scaring me a little.  

Today was a crappy day.  Basically it went like this:
Aaron found out he didn't get a job we were both really hoping for, I found out my grandpa is probably dying, Aaron has a sinus infection and is still contagious, my co-worker's dad was just diagnosed with ALS, and is declining rapidly, Aaron is losing hope on the job front.  I can't be the optimistic one.  I want to be, but it doesn't happen.

That is all.

What has been up

• Last night I fell asleep on the couch at 8:30. Aaron told me to go to bed at 10.  I slept straight til 8am, when the alarm went off; then snoozed til 8:30.  12 hours?!  Really?!  Oh, and I'm still tired.
• We worked on a home improvement project yesterday.  Our kitchen doesn't have enough storage, so we've been using an open wood shelf as a pantry.  Yesterday we bought a cabinet from Target.  It was boring white, so I told Aaron, I wanted to paint the doors like Mondrian.  He said ok, but then suggested we use chalkboard paint, and make the doors a message center.  I liked this better.  We also bought an extra shelf from Home Depot, and new pulls, because the ones it comes with are ugly.  I hurt my back helping Aaron move it.  But the first one went together easily, and we liked it, so we went back and bought another.  When Aaron was almost done building it, it fell over, and thus new issues started.  One of the doors folded under, the hinge broke, we had a hard time finding a replacement hinge, blah blah.  It's become a hassle.  But the first cabinet is nearly done.  It needs one more coat of paint.  Yay.
• I did better after my breakdown day.  Sunday was pretty good.  Stake conference was good.  The agoraphobia is still there, which is hard.  But I muddle through.
• The other thing we did yesterday was take Zelda to the vet.  She had been limping, so we'd been not walking here much. Then she started yelping, and wincing.  I was worried it would be an ACL, or torn tendon.  But Dr Bath is pretty sure it's hip arthritis, he said we could do an x-ray is we wanted to be certain, but it keeps our cost lower to skip it (for now, at least).  So she got a pain shot, some antinflamitories, and a laser treatment.  It was under $200, which is very good.  But she has to go back for more lasers, for the next few days/couple weeks.

Not sure why, but things have been extra hard lately.  Today was bad.  I hate it.  It feels like it's getting worse, not better.  Aaron managed to get me out of the house a couple times today and got me to help him with a couple projects.  Mostly, I just was on the couch.  Then, eventually, I started sobbing, so I went to lay down in our room.  After willing myself to get up for over an hour, I did.  And showered, and ate some cereal.

I don't know what it is.  I'm tired of seeming like/being a crazy person.

I can't put it into words.  Especially without it reading back super emo, or stupid.  Plus no one wants to read that.

I sent Aaron off to Stake conference without me.  Last time we went, it was all about the importance of being a parent, and having kids, and dealing with wayward kids.  ...  -_-  I think if I had to hear stuff like that today, well, I wouldn't make it to somewhere private before breaking down.

More of the same

Not too much happening.  I'm looking forward to the upcoming 3 day weekend.

We got our State tax refund, now I'm just waiting on the Fed.

I finally took my car in for repair today.  (After that fender bender in December?)  I'm driving a Corolla in the meantime.  Kind of boring, I was hoping for a tiny car, at least a 2 door.  Oh well.

We haven't been to the temple this year.  I feel like a lameo.  But when Saturday rolls around, I just want to do nothing. Once I'm working the early shift, we'll be able to go during the week sometime.

I'm still tired all the time.  I slept 11 hours both weekend days.  And was still sleepy.  But I did manage to stay for all 3 hour of church on Sunday.

Political blah-blah.

I don't usually like to post political stuff, especially on Facebook.  It just makes for too much contention.

That being said:

Hi, I'm Rachel, I'm Mormon, and I would not vote for Mitt Romney.

I'm one of the few mormon dissenters.  I like his policies from when he was governor, but I guess those were all errors, and he's learned since then.  :eye roll:

Here is where I stand: If you have more money, you should pay more taxes.  (I'll pay more taxes too, but I don't make much money, so it doesn't amount to much).  Social programs, and lots of em'.  More funding for public education (basic, and higher).  More funding for health services.  A more prevalent socialized medical system.  Pro-choice (that being said, I abhor abortion "just because", but I also don't believe I should get to decide for the whole country).  And, in general, more governmental/business regulation.  

Most of the time I vote Democrat, but I have voted Republican before.  I'm open to it in the future, but not for Mitt.  However, I do think Mitt is infinitely better than Newt.