Weirdness

I really want to complain about how frustrated I am.  But I won't.  There's nothing major going on, I'm just irritable.

Instead I'll write about pregnancy weirdness.

• I feel like I hiccup and burp a lot.  
• My face has been extra oily.  My hair is also really oily.  I used to be able to wash my hair twice a week.  But now if I don't do it every other day, it gets gross.
• I don't have to pee all the time during the day, but for some reason, I'm up about 4 times during the night.
• I don't recognize my boobs anymore.  I've always been pretty small chested.  (The only one in my family, everyone else is chesty).   My sister is always congratulating me on finally becoming a woman.  I think I'm almost as big as her.  :-P
• I'm hot all the time.  And sweaty.  And more smelly than before.  
• I've been feeling better now that I'm in the second trimester.  But I'm still having food aversions. I still can't eat tofu, soy, or TVP based foods.  
• I'm really fortunate in my job.  Mojo will be able to come to work with me, and I may have the option to work from home too.  

Pregnancy is a weird thing

Yesterday was the first "real" ultrasound.  I've had 3 before; two(internal) in the office and one in radiology.  But all of those were early on, 8 and 9 weeks.  Mojo looked like a bean.  Though seeing the heart was really amazing.

Anyway, back to yesterday.  We did a 13 week NT ultrasound as part of a screening for downs, trisomy 18, and some other stuff.  This is the first appointment Aaron could attend.  I was worried about him being late, but he was on time.

We went right back, and there was a big monitor so I could see what she was looking at.  There was Mojo, big, right on the screen.  It was really amazing.  We could see the heart, the finger tips, legs, toes.  I loved the profile, I think it has the Patino nose (to be explained later).  Aaron thought it was so neat.  They also thought they saw a penis.  After she said that, Aaron said "oh, I think I wanted a girl".  (That was a surprise to me).  But the tech said it's still early, so she couldn't be sure.  The baby was moving a lot, when the tech would push on my belly.

They also changed the date from 3/11/14 to 3/22/14.  Which would make me 12 weeks, instead of 13.5.  But I don't think it's accurate.  Because if that were true, then my first ultrasound would have been measuring really big.  I would have been 6 weeks, instead of 8 weeks.  I don't think it would measure super big, then small.  So I'm not sure, but I'll go with the 13.5 weeks.  Also, I stopped feeling sick thins week, which work coincide more with being further along.  Baby Mojo is about 3 inches long.  He/it kept curling up.

All our results came back good.  Baby is healthy, hrt was 170, nice and fast.  Everything looked great.  We told the world yesterday.  Nanny was so excited she screamed.

I don't feel pregnant.  I don't think I look pregnant, though Aaron said he thought I was starting to show.  My belly is sticking out, but I think I just look fat.  But during the ultrasound the wand up right under my belly button, and there was Mojo.  So I guess there is some baby under the fat.  My boobs are getting big though.  I measured a couple weeks ago, because none of my bras fit.  I measured at a 38d.  Yeesh.  I've always been a b.  And not 38 either...  So my other symptoms are all clearing up.  Nausea is all but gone, unless I wait too long to eat.  I'm not quite as tired, I don't need desk naps most days.  I do still gag on my toothbrush most morning.  Headaches are pretty common, and I have a little acne.

Our baby is so lucky.  He (I think I'll call it a he for now, since that seems likely.) has so many grandparents!  Aaron's mom and dad, my mom, her long time bf Glenn, my dad, probably his gf Ginny (they've been together 4ish years, I think), Aaron's grandma, and Aaron's bio-mom, Trish and her hubby Rob.  Aaron was adopted at birth.  His bio-mom sent him a letter when he was 21, and he held onto it for a couple years.  He got in contact and we met her 7 years ago.  She lives in Minnesota, but still has family here, so she visits a few times a year.  That's where the Patino nose comes in.  I love it, I love a unique nose.  Slightly big, with a bit of a shelf.  I love it.

The baby blogs

8/6/13

I'm pregnant.  I'm pregnant! 9 weeks today.

It all started last Friday.  I'd been sick with a virus for a week, with no end in sight.  I'd just had my period the previous week.  But I'd noticed that I felt a little worse upon waking.  And a little better after eating.  So, I decided I'd burn another pregnancy test.  I went pee, and prattled around and then grabbed the test to look.  My hands started shaking and tears instantly sprung to my eyes.  I think I said "oh my God" about 5 times.  Aaron was still at camp, and I wanted to tell him in person.  I called my sister (who was at work).

"What? I'm at work you know."
"I just took a pregnancy test and it's positive" (I was breathless, and crying)

"What?!"

"I'm pregnant.  The test says I'm pregnant."

She started crying.  And my mom happened to be there dropping something off, so she had to tell her.  

After that I called Kaiser, since I had no clue how far along I was.  My last real period was April 8th.  Then I had bleeding, which I thought was a light period on July 23rd.  (My periods have been really light since coming off of Depo).  I had taken the day off of work to get over my virus.  I was planning to leave at noon to drive up and see Aaron.  My regular ObGyn (NP Medlicott) didn't have an appointment til 2:30, so I saw a different one (NP Elemen) at 10:15.  

Everyone at Kaiser seemed confused by my dates.  Either that I was just barely pregnant, or that I was very pregnant.  I kept telling them my periods were not normal.  Bev (the NP) went over my history, and then got the ultrasound machine.  An internal ultrasound is like a robot penis, not really comfortable.  I saw my little blob (who I've since named Mojo).  She said I was about 7 weeks along.  Bev said she couldn't see something she was looking for, and refered me to radiology for a more in depth ultrasound. She said she was cautiosly optimistic.  She sent me to the lab, and my new ultrasound was scheduled for 1:30.  I got my blood drawn, and barely made it to the car before breaking down.  Something I'd wanted for so long, and now I had it, and it might gone already.  

I got home and sobbed and sobbed.  I wanted my mommy to be able to hold my hand.  Or for Aaron to be there and tell me it would all be ok.

I drank a ton of water, as instructed, and went back for my ultrasound.  The tech started with an external one.  I couldn't see the screen, and she wouldn't tell me what she was looking at.  An external ultrasound with a full bladder is just as you'd expect.  Then she told me to pee, and she'd do another internal.  That was more uncomfortable than the first one.  She was not super gentle, and had to maneuver it a bunch of different ways.  

Then I walked back across the street to the ObGyn office to get the ultrasound read.  And I waited, and waited and waited.  And was practically teared my fingers off.  I'd emailed Aaron to let him know I wouldn't be in camp til late.  I told him something came up, he asked if everything was ok.  I said I wasn't sure.  I still wanted to tell him face to face.  Then I waited some more.  Eventually (after about an hour) I got back into a room.  Bev came and appologized and said that ultrasound reports are supposed to be ready in under an hour (at that point we were nearing an hour and a half).  But the ultrasound pictures (and film) was ready, so we looked at it.  She showed me little Mojo's beating heart, the one thing she couldn't find previously.  She called later with the full report.  Everything looked perfect, and I was 8w3d along.  I'm due March 10th 2014.

When I got to camp, Aaron asked my what was going on.  I said I had a picture to show him, which was the positive pregnancy test.  He said he thought that was what was going on. He was really excited.

I've been feeling the same so far.  Barfy and tired.  I haven't actually thrown up, just gagged a few times.  I've discovered I can't eat garlic, or dark green salads.  Nothing big in the cravings department yet.

Smells are really getting to me.  I had to change to unscented deodorant and soap.  

Cheerios are tasting really delicious.

8 weeks, 2 days.  I found out late.  

9 weeks 1 day

-----------------------------------------------------

8/26/13

I worked a half day and then came home.  Mojo was making me feel worse than usual.  I was dizzy, which was new, queasy, headache, tired, the usual.  I came home to rest and sleep, but I couldn't sleep. Tomorrow is 12 weeks.  And Aaron's birthday.

I'm hot all the time.  I'm having night sweats.  I bought some maternity pants.  My jeans are all too tight, except one pair of denim shorts (my fat shorts).  I ordered some maternity stuff online, and then went to Savers, and found some great deals.  (I got 3 pairs of maternity jeans, a bunch of cute onesies, and a baby name book for under $35).  

I can't remember if I mentioned my desk naps previously.  But during my breaks at work, I've been napping under my desk.  

We've told a few people.  Our family, my direct boss at work, Aaron told a few people at work, a few of our friends.  I have an ultrasound in 2 weeks, once we have that, assuming everything is ok, then we'll spread the word.

We had our first baby class at Kaiser.  It was mostly just paperwork.  Originally, we'd decided against genetic testing.  But during the class, we decided to do integrated screening, which consists of blood work, the ultrasound, and blood work again.  Really the main reason is that we get a 13 week ultrasound, instead of having to wait til the end of September for the 16 week.  But since we only know half of Aaron's genetic info, it seemed like it might be a good idea.  I do the first blood draw this Friday and the ultrasound next Friday.  

I finally stopped spotting, which is a big relief.  I still haven't barfed, just some gagging. 

-----------------------------------------

8/30/13

My first real case of baby brain.

Tomorrow is my niece's first birthday party.  (Not really my niece, Aaron's cousin's daughter, but I'm an official Aunt).  They're having a pool party.  I never miss an opportunity to swim.  Plus it's been so warm, and I'm hot all the time.  But I don't have any swimsuits that fit me.  I'm too roundy, gelatinous and lumpy.  I went to Target after work in the hopes of finding a maternity swimsuit on clearance.  I didn't find any maternity suits (they had a bunch online, but not in the store).  I did find a bunch of clearance tankikis.  So I went to try on two tops, 3 bottoms and a pair of shorts; six items total.  I went in the fitting room and started trying stuff.  They actually fit ok, which was a surprise.  Then I got tangled up in one of the tops.  In the process of trying to get out of it, I punched myself in the nose, which sent my tiny nose stud flying into the abyss.  I started looking around frantically, because the piercing is only a few months old, I didn't want it to close up.  I was frantically searching around, but I gave up, and bunched up all the bathing suits and took them back out.  I didn't bother to put them on hangers, because I liked them, and needed to decided which I liked.  The attendant wanted to count them, so I handed her the ball of swimsuits.  She only counted five.  I was flustered, but I tried to figure out where the missing one was.  Then I thought, maybe...  I pull out the waistband of my pants, and there it was.  Geez.  I'm sure the attendant thought I was trying to steal it.  I still can't believe I did that.

I then dug through my purse in search of an earring to use in my nose til I got home.  After 5 minutes, I finally found one.  It looked funny, but it did the job.

-----------------------------------

We had an NT ultrasound today to check for genetic defects.  Everything looks good so far.  They changed my due date again, because Mojo is measuring small.  I was originally 3/12/14, now it's 3/22/14.  So now I'm measuring 11w6d.  But I think I'll stick with 13w3d.  I guess we'll see as time goes on.  It's still early, but the tech is thinking it's a boy.  If you look at the 3d scan, it looks like you can see a penis.

Blah Blah

Not too much to talk about right now.

We're both just chugging along.

This weekend will be busy.  Aaron's working all day on Saturday.  I'm hanging out with my favourite baby, Kaylee.  We're going to go to the De Anza flea market.  Then I'll probably take her to grandma.  Aaron's doing the Shooting Clays event for work, he usually likes working this fundraiser.  But it's supposed to be pretty hot this weekend.  I'll have to make sure me baby and I stay hydrated in the sun.

Aaron did a lot of yard work last weekend.  He tore out a couple dead plants, bought new ones, and one for the porch.  They look nice.  We're not green thumbs, so it's difficult to keep plants alive.

I've been watching a lot of SVU on Netflix.  I also watched all of Orange is the New Black.  That was good, I'm excited for the new season, whenever that starts.

I've been gauging my ears little.  I'm up to 12g in my lobes, I'm going to stop at 10.  That way, they won't be stretched out forever.

In Response

http://rationalfaiths.com/so-when-you-gonna-have-kids/

I saw the above blog post and wanted to write a response.  Or maybe a similar blog.

Most people know my story, but I'll do a quick recap, just in case.  My husband and I got married 8 years ago.  We were 23 and 22, respectively.  At that point, we were no where near ready to start a family.  We were both still students, living in one of the most expensive areas of the country, and both working part time.

After a year of marriage, we moved to Utah, so my husband could pursue his Master's degree.  While living there, we could have afforded kids, even with him still being in school.  But we weren't ready yet.  After that, my husband enrolled in law school in San Francisco.  We moved back to one of the most expensive parts of the country.  My husband commuted 2+ hours every day. We lived on my income and his student loans.  And even with reduced rent (living in a house owned by his parents) we were barely scrapping by.  (Note, we didn't have a lot of luxuries, no cable, slower internet, no smart phones etc).

In the middle of his 2nd year of law school, we decided it would be a good time to start trying to have a baby.  We figured that by the time I got pregnant, and then gave birth he'd be just about done with school.
Then Crohns happened.  I was diagnosed after a major flare up that caused me to loose 20+ lbs in 3 months.  At this time we were told to stop trying until the Crohns was under control.

A lot of time passed, with no Crohns remission.  At that point we started looking into adoption.  We had both always wanted to adopt, but that process was much more daunting than we'd ever imagined.  LDS Family Services was more expensive, and less responsive than I'd anticipated.  Regular private adoption was MUCH more expensive than either of us thought ($15,000 on the low end).  So we put all baby plans on hold.  At this point we both had good jobs, and were living comfortably.  But we couldn't afford $15k, especially since it is all due up front.

Towards the end of 2012 (we'd been married 7.5 years at this point), I got the "Okay" to start trying again.  We were/are in a bit of a hurry to get me pregnant.  Who knows how long my Crohns will be under control?    It's been about 9 months at this point.

So now to my thoughts on the article:
It's really nice to know there are others in the same boat.  I'm hoping some people from "the other side" read it as well.  Aka, the breeders, the people who never had any problems getting pregnant, and were able to have as many kids as they saw fit.  Because the people who have been in my shoes, the author's shoes, many of my friend's shoes, know better than to ask the stupid questions, or say idiotic things.

Here are some of my "favourites" from over the years (these are all things I heard either at church, or from LDS members):

• Multiple testimonies from pregnant women (or new moms) about how grateful they were that God trusted them enough to bless them with children
• From the pulpit that God doesn't give kids to people who aren't ready (which explains all the teen moms, right?)
• From two different people that said we lacked faith by not trying to start a family from day one
• In a Sunday School lesson that a woman doesn't know true love until a newborn baby is placed on her belly.  
• That a family without kids is incomplete
• That a woman can't fulfill her eternal calling without having kids.

And of course the usual when are you going to have kids? and what are you waiting for?

When we were ready, but not able, I did something that I guess is unheard of.  I came out.  I teach in Relief Society (ladies' sunday school) once a month.  And I took the opportunity to tell everyone that we wanted kids, but weren't able to make them.  We would love to adopt, but couldn't afford it.  I'm generally an open person, I don't have secrets.  So it wasn't a big deal for me to "come out."  The main reason I did that was for self preservation.  I didn't want to hear the question anymore.  I didn't want to have to explain my pain on a weekly basis.  After coming out, I got a lot of comments about how brave I was, how other people couldn't do that.  I got several personal stories sent to my facebook inbox.  And suddenly I was less alone.  No one wants to talk about it, but once someone mentions it, everyone feels safe to talk.  

I had people who were more sensitive to what they said.  I had people asking if there was anything I needed (I always said, "be on the lookout for knock up teens whose baby needs a good home").

That's all I can think of on this now.  

Sick Sickly.

It all started last Thursday.

I ate a BK veggie burger for lunch, and a Boca "chicken" burger for dinner.  Then my tummy started hurting. I thought I can sleep it off.

Friday morning I felt awful.  But I got up and went to work, because I thought getting up and moving would help.  I made 4 bathroom trips before 7:30, and pulled the trash can right by my desk, because I was sure I was going to barf.  Fortunately, I didn't.  Eventually I felt a little better, and made it through the day.

I drove up to Sonora with the dogs on Friday night.  They were pretty well behaved.  But the drive went on and on, and I was so tired.  I felt pretty crummy when I got there, and went to sleep pretty quickly.

On Saturday I got up early to go and pick up some treats for the staff.  I did my normal things; walked the dogs, picked up litter.  While picking up litter, I got really light headed, and nauseous.  So I stopped and went back to the cabin.  I took a quick, cool shower, and laid down.  I again put the trash can near by.  I slept a couple hours, and felt a little better, but not a lot.  Aaron asked if I wanted to just stay there, instead of going into town.  I said no, I'd be ok,

I did ok.  I still felt lousy.  We saw Wolverine, which wasn't great.  Went to Walmart, got dinner (which Aaron dropped on the floor at the grocery, but they were nice enough to not charge us.  I felt asleep really early.

Woke up sick again.  Got on the road too late, 10:40.  When I got home, I took my temperature, which was high.  I took some medicine and went to bed.

Stayed home sick today.  I'm staying home again tomorrow.  Bleh.

Busy

I've been doing a lot of yard work lately.  I'm trying to make it look like someone who cares lives here, instead of hobos.  Last week I did a lot of the bushes and tree.  I had 7 wheelbarrows and one trashcan full of yard waste.  This week I mowed the lawns, and did edging.  We only have a hand (non-electric) edger and it is A LOT of work.  I did about a third of the front yard.  I still need to finish the edging and clean out the flower beds.  I've been watering the lawns a lot too.  Usually I let them get too dry in the summer.  I'm trying to keep them looking... nice?  Better?  The back lawn in especially bad.  I think I need grass seeds, or something.

This week has gone by slowly.  I've been counting down the days til I get to see Aaron.  Since I didn't see him last week, it's been too long. But tomorrow is the day!  Yay!

I switched my nose stud to a ring.  I really like it.  Not the best picture of me, but you get the idea.

I started the cancer prevention study today.  It's a long term study 20-30 years.  So far I've done a couple surveys, and today I got a couple measurements, and had a blood draw.  Easy Peasy.

After almost 4 months, I finally got my period.  Geez, it's been really crazy.  I've been talking to my obgyn.  She said after a year of trying I could see an infertility doctor.  But that's not covered by my insurance.  Grr.  Fingers crossed my ovaries start doing the right thing.  

Today, I was walking the dogs.  My neighbour, Steve, was his yard playing with his dog Dennis (either a full Pit, or Pit mix.  Dennis is the nicest dog.  We walked the other way, and I didn't think Dennis saw us.  Then I heard Steve yell "Dennis!  No!"  Dennis came running towards us.  I wasn't worried about him, because he's nice.  I was a little concerned about how Zelda and Yoie would act; they both get nervous around other dogs.  I held Yoie back.  Dennis came and smelled Zelda, she smelled him.  Eventually Yoie's barking caused Zelda to bark.  And then Steve got Dennis, and apologized profusely.  This whole thing was maybe 5-10 seconds.  I was pretty happy with the result for the most part.

Work is going well.  I've been pretty busy, but I actually was completely caught up a couple times.  It's been a while since that happened.

That's it for now!