Day 171

 So. Many. Days.

If Covid isolation were a pregnancy, it would be 24 weeks along.  🙈

Last week, we broke out to Half Moon Bay for a little bit.  We would normally go to Santa Cruz, but the fires were still bad over there.

It was cold there.  Or rather, typical of a Northern California beach.  (Air and water temp both 58ish).

Family selfies

Bertram instantly made a friend with a 7 year old named Zoey.

I have no idea why this picture is so grainy.

We took the long way back home, up 1 towards San Francisco, then back down 101.  It was a nice day.

I signed Aaron, Bertram and myself up for two 5k's, because we need something to do.  One is a pumpkin/Halloween "race", the other is a Turkey Trot.  They are both virtual, so we actually made a team with my mom and sister for the Turkey Trot.   ;/'  

Day 162

 School started a week and a half ago.  It's gone... ok.  There is a lot of waiting around, for other kids to finish.  And writing is still challenging.  (Not like letters, like sentences.)  I have inquired to his IEP head about independent study.  As it seems like that may be a better fit for not being in the classroom.  But we'll see.  He has had some breakdowns, and anger fits, which I suppose it's abnormal, but doing it on camera (thankfully muted) is not great.

The state is on fire.  There was a dry lightning storm last Sunday.  It sparked wild fires all over the state.  Close to us is the CZU lightning complex fire (Santa Cruz Mountains highway 9 all the way down to hwy 1.  Ben Lomond, and Bonny Dune, as well as Big Basin state park are gone), The SCU Lightning complex fire, (This one is the closest to us: Behind and around lick observatory/Mt Hamilton, stretching up to the outskirts of Milpitas and Fremont, and East down the other side of the mountain.)  There is one down past Gilroy, and another up near Napa.  Plus further north, and down to just south of LA.  So it's not hyperbole to say the state is on fire.  We have started putting together an emergency tote, I don't anticipate needed it for this particular disaster, but it's good to be ready.  Also, my "favourite" is that trump said it's because we didn't rake the forests enough.  FFS.

Between the fires, heatwave and Covid, we have been stuck inside a lot.  We're watching a good amount of movies.  I've gotten a little outside time, but not enough.  I'm going a little more crazy than usual.

The Buspar didn't last long, I got headaches a lot.  I just started Abilify, hopefully it will be a good match.

Kitties are doing well.  They have free run of the house, although, they are door darters.  But they run all around, which is cute.  They are about twice as big as when we got them (Weight wise, but probably close on height/length).  Oona is a loud purr-er.  Shy Guy is not too shy.

I don't think there is too much else to talk about.  As nothing is really happening.  

Day 135

We moved into the next phase of reopening for a whopping 2 days before everything closed again.  Not sure why the powers that be thought reopening as the numbers rose would be a good idea.  So things are continuing in the same direction.  Numbers keep going up.

School is going to be completely online through (at least) 2 August.  They are expected to be available/on the computer (?) from 8-2.  I was hoping it would be a little more open form like the end of last year.  I'm not sure how it will go, I guess it's supposed to be a mix of online class, individual teacher time, and possibly small groups (online).  (Though there has been some talk about doing small pods in addition to this, but we'll see how it all shakes out).  So, due to this new schedule we needed to change Bertram's time and day for speech.  And his time for ABA will change, and he will likely have to get a new tech, which sucks.  But to keep the same one we'd have to do 5:30-8:30, which is too late (as bedtime is 8).  But maybe the school schedule won't be so rigid, but it's all in flux.  We don't have his class assignment yet, and thus haven't heard from the teacher about her plan.  It's all stressing me out.  And I know this is going to be difficult for Bertram too. 

I stopped taking Remeron. It wasn't helping, and it made me hungry all the time.  I will be trying BuSpar. We'll see how that goes.  I kind of feel like I want to switch the Wellbutrin+Zoloft combo, but the shrink seems to be hesitant to do that.  I feel like I'm in a bad head space.  Like having a base level of anxiety all the time.  Plus, I feel like I'm failing at everything.  And I'm just on edge all the time. 

We adopted two kittens that we abandoned, and malnourished.  (Aaron's cousin's neighbour found them under her deck).  Originally I just wanted the girl, since we've had issues with boy cats spraying.  But they were bonded, so we took them both.  They were born at the beginning of June, so they're about 8 weeks old.  Bertram named the boy Shy-Guy (which is a character in Mario), and Aaron and I named the girl Oona.

Oona

Shy-Guy

They're been confined to our bedroom and bathroom.  They are super friendly and very playful.

Our washer died today, which a barrel full of water and wet clothes.  It was 14 years old. Fortunately, we're in a position that replacing it wasn't a huge burden.  Really more of an annoyance than anything.  But we got a nice LG washer.

We've (Aaron, Bertram and I) have been learning to play pokemon cards.  It's pretty fun.  Bertram keeps trying to cheat, which is weird because he doesn't actually care about winning.

Bronwyn's birthday was a couple weeks ago.  My baby is 3.  We didn't do much for her in terms of a party.  I made a cake, and we gathered on grandma and grandpa's lawn. 

Day 117

The day counting may be coming to an end...?  The county technically reopens, mostly, on Monday.  Most all businesses, except things like amusement parks, night clubs, indoor playgrounds, theatres, etc.We can gather inside with up to 20 people, though, we're still supposed to socially distance.  Any shared public/business spaces require masks; statewide. I'm not sure I really I feel too comfortable gathering, so we'll play it by ear.

School is going to be another thing to play by ear. As of now, the various teachers union have refused to teach in person until conditions are safe. I am all for this.  Our school distract/county put no limit on class sizes (eg: they would still have 28-30 kids) in an enclosed space, without any distancing.  I was already considering doing online learning for Bertram anyway (as much as it pains me), but I'd rather he (and rest of the family) be safe.  As of now, school will be 100% online.  I'm looking into purchasing homeschool curriculum, to supplement whatever is going on.  Bertie said, given the choice, he'd rather have school at home.  So we're still in flux.

It's good I suppose, as I wasn't feeling very comfortable having him return as things are.  I'm not thrilled about homeschooling.  But, we're getting more into a groove with it.  And I can always have him do it during ABA.  

Aside from all that, things have been continuing as normal.  Lots of Switch, too much screen time.  We haven't been eating out as much.  I have gained a lot of weight in these last 117 days (around 20lbs).  So I've been counting calories (starting 3 or 4 days ago), because I just eat, and eat, because I like eating.  I need to exercise a bit more (aside from walking), but I really have no energy, and the kids sleeping has been hit or miss.

There have been so many junebugs this summer.  I hate it!

Successful cream biscuits

Clean baby

They both love to read

Cat face.

4th of July

I die.

We escaped to Saucalito on day.  

Bron made a little family

I cut her bangs.  I didn't do a great job.

Bertram is excited about his new backpack.  Maybe he'll get to use it one day...

Day 106

We've passed 100 days, mostly spent at home. 

School is officially done, but I'm still having Bert do some work every day.  One page of the 1st grade work book, then something additional.  The district puts out 1 language arts and 1 math video each week, so we do those as well.

We started a chore chart for everyone in the household.  Well, Bron's is currently being reworked, because all of her chores were at bedtime (pick up toys, put away books, etc), and it didn't work well.  

The top is for Aaron and me, the bottom is Bertram's.

It's working out pretty well so far.

I have been reading about getting the kids to sleep/ stay asleep in their beds.  Most of it has to do with setting a bedtime routine that starts an hour before you want them asleep.  In that hour, you have the lights low, and no screens.  This is very different from how things are currently.  I think we can manage, but I need to get a plan in order first.

Aaron is still working from home. Our county's cases are going up again, so I'm not sure when he'll be back in the office.  But it's mostly good to have him home.

I am feeling both jealous of and frustrated with people who aren't following protocol for covid.  Our county's stay at home order is still in effect.  So you are supposed be with the people you live with in your house (useless you're an essential worker, getting food or exercise, of other essential things).  Aaron's family (parents and extended family) have pretty much gone back to normal.  Congregating at my in-laws' house, or hanging out with other people.  It's annoying because Bertram can see his cousins playing together, but we won't let him play too.  And of course, it's all political, and it's not as bad as it seems, etc, etc.  As someone who is generally a rule follower, it's all very aggravating.

So I haven't been blogging because I've been grumpy, and because there really isn't a lot to say, since most days are the same.

 

Day 78

I've been wanting to blog for a few days.  But I don't feel like I can properly organize my thoughts. Or express how I feel.  On May 25th a Black man named George Floyd was killed by a Minnesota police officer who knelt on his neck for over 8 minutes.  8 minutes.  George was handcuffed that whole time.  8 minutes.  He was murdered, because he was suspected of using counterfeit money at a store.  Or rather, someone was suspected, George was nearby when the cops arrived, so it was him.  I don't know whether it was him, but no one should die in the street, being knelt upon for such a minor alleged crime (or any crime, that's what the justice system is for).  This is only the latest in a slew of deaths of Black people (mostly men) at the hands of police, and "neighbourhood watchmen".

There have since been protests, followed by riots and looting.  There have been beautiful slivers of hope (protester cleaning after riots, protesters protection a cop, cop and protesters hugging, cops taking a knee with protesters, etc).  

So my heart has been heavy.  I am white.  I am straight.  I grew up comfortably in an upper-middle class (or possibly lower-upper class).  There was always food in our house.  My parents were married (at least they were til I was 18).  I didn't have any specific challenges.  So I come at the whole issue from a place of privilege.  I've never worried about interactions with police officers (except maybe getting a ticket).  And I think until recently, I was blind to the plight of Black Lives Matter.  I thought if you just tried hard enough, you could achieve most of what you want in life.  I was fairly blind to systemic racism.  I'm sure in many ways, I was/am racist.  Not in an outright way, but in preconceived notions.  Or brushing off the experience of others, because it hadn't happened to me. 

I've been trying become an ally.  But it's hard to know where to begin.  I am one person, and I don't really know any PoC.  So, I've been working on educating myself.  I read So you Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo.  It was well written, and it made me uncomfortable, which is good, that leads to introspection.  But it also felt overwhelming.  And really, the issue is overwhelming.  How do I/we fix a 400-year old system of oppression?  I then read Talking to Strangers by Malcolm Gladwell.  (I got the book originally because I thought it was about being introverted).  It was about bias and assumptions we make about the people the come across.  I have a couple other anti-racism books on my list, but they're checked out, so I have holds in place.  

So that is my wandering train of thought.

We're still stuck at home.  A few more things will be opening on Friday.  But I still don't think group gatherings are really allowed.  We've still been ordering food.  Aaron and I both got nasal swab Covid tests.  Not because we were symptomatic, but because the county wants to test as many people as possible. 

Three more days of quarantine home school left.  I think we're both excited to be done.  I got some academic stuff to work on over the summer. 

I'm burnt or dead, so I can't think of anything else.

Day 63

Still going crazy.  Dealing the best I can.

I've been listening to a lot of audiobooks.  Some good, some less good.  I just finished A Man Named Ove, which I loved.  Prior to that I "read" Guns, Germs, and Steel, which had been on my list for a long time.  It was not very good, and for a book called Guns, Germs and Steel it talked very little about any of those topics.  It also felt very redundant.  I guess it wasn't for me, but I finished.  I think I've done 46 books this year.  

Aside from audiobooks, I've been weeding (Still).  It's the thing I really look forward to each day.  I love being outside, and digging and accomplishing something.  Sometimes the kids join me (not to weed, just to play outside).

Our county is the lone holdout in California for leaving stage 1.  Though, stage 2 isn't much different, at least not for us.  The numbers are looking pretty good currently (for here, anyway).  I think we've done really well (thank you Dr Sara Cody).  There are almost 2 million people, we've had 2400 confirmed Covid cases, and 135 deaths.  I am going to try to donate blood this week.  The banks are in need, though, my stupid A+ blood is not super helpful.  It's something I can do.  We've also been ordering take away food from local restaurants three (or more) times a week. 
The rest of our (Aaron's) family seems to think the stay home order has been lifted, and are gathering again.  (Not that that ever stopped his parents anyway).  We go and visit his parents by sitting on the lawn while they sit on the porch.  My FiL asked how long we were going to keep this up (meaning not coming into the house, assembling etc).  I said we're following the guidelines set by the county, which he couldn't argue with.  But we're now the stick in the mud, because we won't join the group.  I'm sure it's been a topic of conversation.  It's annoying.  And I would love to assemble, and sent the kids there, but I'm going to follow the rules.  I'm immuno-suppressed (And his parents average age is 77).  

I've been on Remeron for a little over a month now.  It works really well, but it makes me hungry a lot, which is one of the side effects, so it may not be a sustainable long term solution.  But at this point it's kind of hard to tell if weight gain (up 7ish lbs currently) is from quarantine, or medication.

We bought a new laptop (which I'm currently using) to help with Bertram's school stuff.  We were using the desktop, but it was not super conducive to him paying attention.  This is working  much better, plus we have the space of the whole kitchen table.

Aaron has been looking at plane tickets.  We had talked about doing a big trip for either his 40th birthday or our 15th anniversary. Our anniversary is in less than a month, so that's out.  But plane tickets to Europe are ridiculously cheap ($300ish for London, Rome and Paris).  I would like to make a move on that, but everything is too unsettled.  I can't really plan for anything that far out.

Bronwyn likes to recite books.  She has an amazing memory.  She really likes the Elephant and Piggie books.  And the Three Cats books by Viviane Schwarz.  She likes puzzles, and her little dinosaurs.  She loves to wear necklaces and hats.  She doesn't like most food, or sleeping.  She likes playing outside.  If she has chalk, she wants me to draw a house, a shark, or a snowman.  She picks (usually) unripe fruit from the plants and brings it to me.  As she hands it over she says "thank you".  

Bertram has been reluctantly doing school.  I am very glad I don't home school.  I couldn't handle it, for sure.  And he does better with the structure of the class room.  He's having a hard time being home.  He doesn't say so, but it's affecting him/his behaviour.  He really just wants screen time all the time.  And he's getting way more than he usually would.  But he's been reading, and drawing.  His ABA tech comes during the week, which helps some.  Tonight Bertram wanted to try using the waterpik (which I just got this week).  It went about as well as you'd guess.  He's not ready for it.

Both kids have been playing outside as much as I can make them.  I fill the little paddle pool, and they play with that.  They make mud in the part of the garden we're not using and play in there a lot.  They use the sand box (we need a bigger one though).  Stuff like that.  Aaron and I have both been baking a lot.  He makes bread and has been fiddling with sourdough recipes.  I've been doing cookies and cakes.