Day 192

 Bertram had an IEP addendum meeting a couple weeks ago.  He can now "leave" school at 11:45, which helps some.  I think if I had realized in the summer how this was all going to pan out, I probably would have looked seriously into home-schooling or independent study.  Like all kids, especially ASD kids, it's hard.  It's far from optimal.  And since he has ABA (or speech) after school he's just go, go, go.  We may still change ABA to a shorter schedule.   Yesterday he had a great day "at" school, and he did the best he's done in a really long time with ABA, and he did his short day.  I don't want him skipping social studies/science everyday, but if that improves his behaviour that much it may be worth it.  The district has been perhaps hinting about changing up the day with less online instruction, but nothing has come, as of yet.

Bronwyn had the first half of her ASD assessment on Monday.  Nothing to report as of yet, not until we complete the second half in a couple weeks.  She's still reading a lot.  I have a running shirt with a turtle that says "Slow AF".  I asked her to read it, which she read as slow af (the af sound).  I was surprised that she did the phonic

Aaron got into a covid vaccine study, and got his first shot last week.  I think since his arm wasn't sore he  got the placebo,  but we'll find out at some point in the future.  

I've been working on my giant t-shirt quilt.  I have all the large panel's done, and I've started working on the sashing to even out the sides.  My yard project it currently at homeostasis.  It looks great, and there isn't a ton more work, except watering, and occasionally adding a few more seeds.  The actual quilting will be a large undertaking; due to the size and heft of the thing, most of it will have to be hand quilted.  I'm not sure why I quilt.  I don't particularly enjoy it.  I just enjoy the end result... which I guess is enough?

Day 171

 So. Many. Days.

If Covid isolation were a pregnancy, it would be 24 weeks along.  🙈

Last week, we broke out to Half Moon Bay for a little bit.  We would normally go to Santa Cruz, but the fires were still bad over there.

It was cold there.  Or rather, typical of a Northern California beach.  (Air and water temp both 58ish).

Family selfies

Bertram instantly made a friend with a 7 year old named Zoey.

I have no idea why this picture is so grainy.

We took the long way back home, up 1 towards San Francisco, then back down 101.  It was a nice day.

I signed Aaron, Bertram and myself up for two 5k's, because we need something to do.  One is a pumpkin/Halloween "race", the other is a Turkey Trot.  They are both virtual, so we actually made a team with my mom and sister for the Turkey Trot.   ;/'  

Day 162

 School started a week and a half ago.  It's gone... ok.  There is a lot of waiting around, for other kids to finish.  And writing is still challenging.  (Not like letters, like sentences.)  I have inquired to his IEP head about independent study.  As it seems like that may be a better fit for not being in the classroom.  But we'll see.  He has had some breakdowns, and anger fits, which I suppose it's abnormal, but doing it on camera (thankfully muted) is not great.

The state is on fire.  There was a dry lightning storm last Sunday.  It sparked wild fires all over the state.  Close to us is the CZU lightning complex fire (Santa Cruz Mountains highway 9 all the way down to hwy 1.  Ben Lomond, and Bonny Dune, as well as Big Basin state park are gone), The SCU Lightning complex fire, (This one is the closest to us: Behind and around lick observatory/Mt Hamilton, stretching up to the outskirts of Milpitas and Fremont, and East down the other side of the mountain.)  There is one down past Gilroy, and another up near Napa.  Plus further north, and down to just south of LA.  So it's not hyperbole to say the state is on fire.  We have started putting together an emergency tote, I don't anticipate needed it for this particular disaster, but it's good to be ready.  Also, my "favourite" is that trump said it's because we didn't rake the forests enough.  FFS.

Between the fires, heatwave and Covid, we have been stuck inside a lot.  We're watching a good amount of movies.  I've gotten a little outside time, but not enough.  I'm going a little more crazy than usual.

The Buspar didn't last long, I got headaches a lot.  I just started Abilify, hopefully it will be a good match.

Kitties are doing well.  They have free run of the house, although, they are door darters.  But they run all around, which is cute.  They are about twice as big as when we got them (Weight wise, but probably close on height/length).  Oona is a loud purr-er.  Shy Guy is not too shy.

I don't think there is too much else to talk about.  As nothing is really happening.  

Day 135

We moved into the next phase of reopening for a whopping 2 days before everything closed again.  Not sure why the powers that be thought reopening as the numbers rose would be a good idea.  So things are continuing in the same direction.  Numbers keep going up.

School is going to be completely online through (at least) 2 August.  They are expected to be available/on the computer (?) from 8-2.  I was hoping it would be a little more open form like the end of last year.  I'm not sure how it will go, I guess it's supposed to be a mix of online class, individual teacher time, and possibly small groups (online).  (Though there has been some talk about doing small pods in addition to this, but we'll see how it all shakes out).  So, due to this new schedule we needed to change Bertram's time and day for speech.  And his time for ABA will change, and he will likely have to get a new tech, which sucks.  But to keep the same one we'd have to do 5:30-8:30, which is too late (as bedtime is 8).  But maybe the school schedule won't be so rigid, but it's all in flux.  We don't have his class assignment yet, and thus haven't heard from the teacher about her plan.  It's all stressing me out.  And I know this is going to be difficult for Bertram too. 

I stopped taking Remeron. It wasn't helping, and it made me hungry all the time.  I will be trying BuSpar. We'll see how that goes.  I kind of feel like I want to switch the Wellbutrin+Zoloft combo, but the shrink seems to be hesitant to do that.  I feel like I'm in a bad head space.  Like having a base level of anxiety all the time.  Plus, I feel like I'm failing at everything.  And I'm just on edge all the time. 

We adopted two kittens that we abandoned, and malnourished.  (Aaron's cousin's neighbour found them under her deck).  Originally I just wanted the girl, since we've had issues with boy cats spraying.  But they were bonded, so we took them both.  They were born at the beginning of June, so they're about 8 weeks old.  Bertram named the boy Shy-Guy (which is a character in Mario), and Aaron and I named the girl Oona.

Oona

Shy-Guy

They're been confined to our bedroom and bathroom.  They are super friendly and very playful.

Our washer died today, which a barrel full of water and wet clothes.  It was 14 years old. Fortunately, we're in a position that replacing it wasn't a huge burden.  Really more of an annoyance than anything.  But we got a nice LG washer.

We've (Aaron, Bertram and I) have been learning to play pokemon cards.  It's pretty fun.  Bertram keeps trying to cheat, which is weird because he doesn't actually care about winning.

Bronwyn's birthday was a couple weeks ago.  My baby is 3.  We didn't do much for her in terms of a party.  I made a cake, and we gathered on grandma and grandpa's lawn. 

Day 117

The day counting may be coming to an end...?  The county technically reopens, mostly, on Monday.  Most all businesses, except things like amusement parks, night clubs, indoor playgrounds, theatres, etc.We can gather inside with up to 20 people, though, we're still supposed to socially distance.  Any shared public/business spaces require masks; statewide. I'm not sure I really I feel too comfortable gathering, so we'll play it by ear.

School is going to be another thing to play by ear. As of now, the various teachers union have refused to teach in person until conditions are safe. I am all for this.  Our school distract/county put no limit on class sizes (eg: they would still have 28-30 kids) in an enclosed space, without any distancing.  I was already considering doing online learning for Bertram anyway (as much as it pains me), but I'd rather he (and rest of the family) be safe.  As of now, school will be 100% online.  I'm looking into purchasing homeschool curriculum, to supplement whatever is going on.  Bertie said, given the choice, he'd rather have school at home.  So we're still in flux.

It's good I suppose, as I wasn't feeling very comfortable having him return as things are.  I'm not thrilled about homeschooling.  But, we're getting more into a groove with it.  And I can always have him do it during ABA.  

Aside from all that, things have been continuing as normal.  Lots of Switch, too much screen time.  We haven't been eating out as much.  I have gained a lot of weight in these last 117 days (around 20lbs).  So I've been counting calories (starting 3 or 4 days ago), because I just eat, and eat, because I like eating.  I need to exercise a bit more (aside from walking), but I really have no energy, and the kids sleeping has been hit or miss.

There have been so many junebugs this summer.  I hate it!

Successful cream biscuits

Clean baby

They both love to read

Cat face.

4th of July

I die.

We escaped to Saucalito on day.  

Bron made a little family

I cut her bangs.  I didn't do a great job.

Bertram is excited about his new backpack.  Maybe he'll get to use it one day...

Day 106

We've passed 100 days, mostly spent at home. 

School is officially done, but I'm still having Bert do some work every day.  One page of the 1st grade work book, then something additional.  The district puts out 1 language arts and 1 math video each week, so we do those as well.

We started a chore chart for everyone in the household.  Well, Bron's is currently being reworked, because all of her chores were at bedtime (pick up toys, put away books, etc), and it didn't work well.  

The top is for Aaron and me, the bottom is Bertram's.

It's working out pretty well so far.

I have been reading about getting the kids to sleep/ stay asleep in their beds.  Most of it has to do with setting a bedtime routine that starts an hour before you want them asleep.  In that hour, you have the lights low, and no screens.  This is very different from how things are currently.  I think we can manage, but I need to get a plan in order first.

Aaron is still working from home. Our county's cases are going up again, so I'm not sure when he'll be back in the office.  But it's mostly good to have him home.

I am feeling both jealous of and frustrated with people who aren't following protocol for covid.  Our county's stay at home order is still in effect.  So you are supposed be with the people you live with in your house (useless you're an essential worker, getting food or exercise, of other essential things).  Aaron's family (parents and extended family) have pretty much gone back to normal.  Congregating at my in-laws' house, or hanging out with other people.  It's annoying because Bertram can see his cousins playing together, but we won't let him play too.  And of course, it's all political, and it's not as bad as it seems, etc, etc.  As someone who is generally a rule follower, it's all very aggravating.

So I haven't been blogging because I've been grumpy, and because there really isn't a lot to say, since most days are the same.

 

Day 78

I've been wanting to blog for a few days.  But I don't feel like I can properly organize my thoughts. Or express how I feel.  On May 25th a Black man named George Floyd was killed by a Minnesota police officer who knelt on his neck for over 8 minutes.  8 minutes.  George was handcuffed that whole time.  8 minutes.  He was murdered, because he was suspected of using counterfeit money at a store.  Or rather, someone was suspected, George was nearby when the cops arrived, so it was him.  I don't know whether it was him, but no one should die in the street, being knelt upon for such a minor alleged crime (or any crime, that's what the justice system is for).  This is only the latest in a slew of deaths of Black people (mostly men) at the hands of police, and "neighbourhood watchmen".

There have since been protests, followed by riots and looting.  There have been beautiful slivers of hope (protester cleaning after riots, protesters protection a cop, cop and protesters hugging, cops taking a knee with protesters, etc).  

So my heart has been heavy.  I am white.  I am straight.  I grew up comfortably in an upper-middle class (or possibly lower-upper class).  There was always food in our house.  My parents were married (at least they were til I was 18).  I didn't have any specific challenges.  So I come at the whole issue from a place of privilege.  I've never worried about interactions with police officers (except maybe getting a ticket).  And I think until recently, I was blind to the plight of Black Lives Matter.  I thought if you just tried hard enough, you could achieve most of what you want in life.  I was fairly blind to systemic racism.  I'm sure in many ways, I was/am racist.  Not in an outright way, but in preconceived notions.  Or brushing off the experience of others, because it hadn't happened to me. 

I've been trying become an ally.  But it's hard to know where to begin.  I am one person, and I don't really know any PoC.  So, I've been working on educating myself.  I read So you Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo.  It was well written, and it made me uncomfortable, which is good, that leads to introspection.  But it also felt overwhelming.  And really, the issue is overwhelming.  How do I/we fix a 400-year old system of oppression?  I then read Talking to Strangers by Malcolm Gladwell.  (I got the book originally because I thought it was about being introverted).  It was about bias and assumptions we make about the people the come across.  I have a couple other anti-racism books on my list, but they're checked out, so I have holds in place.  

So that is my wandering train of thought.

We're still stuck at home.  A few more things will be opening on Friday.  But I still don't think group gatherings are really allowed.  We've still been ordering food.  Aaron and I both got nasal swab Covid tests.  Not because we were symptomatic, but because the county wants to test as many people as possible. 

Three more days of quarantine home school left.  I think we're both excited to be done.  I got some academic stuff to work on over the summer. 

I'm burnt or dead, so I can't think of anything else.