Just the usual

 Things have been moving along.  We hit a year in quarantine.  But things are looser than they were, so I stopped my counting of the days.  

Bron started virtual preschool last week, with the assumption she will switch to in person on April 21.  Just 25 more school days.  I am ready for Bert to go back, and preschool will be much more useful for Bron in person.  Though, she's doing fairly well virtually.  It's a little rough because someone has to sit with Bron during her sessions (they do like 15 minute chunks then have breaks), and someone needs to be available to Bert during class as well.  Aaron's day is flexible, so he's been with Bron about half the time.

The 100th day of preschool, her 3rd or 4th day

The other thing that has been in the works is updating the hall bath.  It's our only 4 piece bath (the master is 3, and I never shower in there).  Fortunately the vanity, sink and toilet are in good shape.  So we're doing new: medicine cabinet, light fixture, towel bars, shower rod and curtain, and adding a cabinet above the toilet, and painting.  I say we, but Aaron is doing all the work, I'm the director. 

wood towel bar, and shower curtain and rod

vanity and light

Other wood towel bar

After and before of the medicine cabinet (the blue to the left of the new cabinet is the new wall colour)

That's all I can think of for now.  Please ignore all typos, Bron got me up at 5:30 and the coffee is just kicking in now.

Anxiety

 I feel like I have a lot of shame following me around, but it could be my anxieties. Because anxieties are tricky in that way.

I think about a time I was supposed to meet an internet friend. And I bailed and went to a baby consignment thing. She was really disappointed in me, and washed her hands of me. She did what she had to do, which is fine, but my loss. But I didn't not want to go, but my social anxiety took over.

I hate it, it makes me seem like a flake, and people don't seem to understand. Small talk is like a nightmare for me. 

And it seems, unless I'm specifically adopted by an extrovert, I stay in my cocoon.  It's a little lonely, but it's safe.

I think like most people, I've found it harder to make friends as I've gotten older. But I've not been good at making work friends either (when I was working).

These are all just late night/early morning thoughts. 

I could maybe make a friend, but it would be very difficult for me. Not because I suck, but because my anxieties would get in the way, a lot. 

Anyway, all this came about because Bron won't let me sleep.

Now it's March

 We had Bertram's birthday last weekend.  I still can't believe he's 7.  He is smart, kind, funny, and sassy.  He loves all things Sonic, Mario, Battlebots and Lego.  He is doing okay with online school, not great.  (I have to add this so I don't forget it.  They were talking about recess in his class.  The teacher mentioned playing with friends.  A little girl said she didn't have any friends last year, and the kids were mean to her.  That makes me so sad.  Then Bert piped up and said "if you were in my class I'd be your friend." And my mommy heart just melted). But I imagine there are few kids who thrive with virtual school.  Maybe if you had just one kid, and a stay at home parent.  But there is a light in the tunnel.  In-person classes are scheduled to start on 21 April.  I am so excited.  I think only about a third of the student body opted for in-person learning for the rest of the school year, so it'll be a small class, but he does much better in person.  

Bertram had winter break (formerly called ski week at the richer schools), in February.  We went to Emma Prusch Farm, The Golden Gate Bridge (and ghirardelli square), and the SF Zoo.  The farm was a hit.  There were chickens and ducks everywhere, and the kids loved that.  The rest were kind of meh.  I mean, I had fun, but the kids were whiny.  The bridge is really loud, because you're right by the traffic, that bothered Bertie.  Bron didn't care much, except she wanted to walk, and she is such a slow walker.  Then she was upset at Ghiradelli because she wanted her own ice cream, not to share with me.  The ice creams were like $7 each, which would have been fine, except I knew she wouldn't eat it.  We tried to walk on the pier with the old ships, but it was closed.  The Zoo was about the same.  Bertram didn't want to walk (he wanted to ride in the wagon), and Bron did want to walk, but is slow.  In retrospect I should have let her walk and him ride.  We weren't in any hurry. The animal they both wanted to see was the river otter.  They both really enjoyed that, and we stayed and watched it for about 10 minutes.  (The rhino's penis was out (maybe erect, but it didn't look like it) and it was weird looking, like it had angles.)  The rest of the time was Bertram wanting to go home, his legs were broken, etc.  Oh, I just remembered, Bron said she wanted to walk, but then would collapse at regular intervals.  On top of all that, the weather was drizzle-y, cold, and overcast.  (Like a common SF day).  

Bron won't wear a mask, so we have the shield hat/

We had Bron's IEP meeting.  She is eligible for a few different services.  Namely preschool, OT and ST.  The problem is the school is currently online only.  And 4 hours a day of online preschool sounds like torture for both of us.  But they don't have to hold her spot for in-person if she doesn't attend virtual. So we're trying to figure out if we want to do it.  I have an email out to our lesion at the district, so we'll see what happens.

The other thing that happened in February is out BT for ABA randomly quit.  No notice given.  So we've been without ABA for almost a month.  Bert's behaviour is worse, and not having the regularity of the ABA has messed with his schedule.  Bron had only started a few week before, but was making progress.  It's really frustrating, as the scheduling guy, Ken, is so slow!  And our supervisor is getting a promotion, so we're losing her too.  Anyway, all that makes me grumpy.

Bron's potty training is also stalled.  She doesn't want to even sit on the potty.  On the rare occasions I can get her one it, she doesn't pee.  I never though I'd have an almost 4 year old still in diapers.

We had been tossing around the idea of a third child.  Our family feels a little incomplete.  But there are a lot of reasons not to.  Either Bert and Bron would have to share a room, or one of them a a baby five years their junior would have to share.  Bron would become the middle child, which sucks.  The kids would be quite a bit older than the baby.  I'm not sure my mental health could take the rough parts of new parenthood.  Plus pregnancy is hard, and I'm already overweight.  We'd probably have to get an actual minivan, instead of the Mazda 5.  And then there are the later costs, mainly college (or whatever post high-school education they want to pursue).  Just thinking out loud.  

January post

 I don't want to let the month slip by without an entry.

We watched Biden's inauguration, by we I mean all of us.  Bertie only watched his swearing in, since he was in school. Bron loved all the singing and mimicked the movements.  I LOVED Amanda Gorman's poem.  And I was in tears through much of the ceremony.  Partially because I always get weepy at things, partially as relief that trump is finally gone.  And next time we have a Republican president (assuming s/he is like the other non-trump presidents) I will be happy about the choice.  Though, I am staunchly Democrat, I can now appreciate the sense of decorum and honor for the office the other 44 men had.  

Politics are kind of funny.  Like George W. was not a president I liked, at all.  However, I could see hanging out with him, he seems genuinely nice, and fun.  Plus I dig his paintings.  Whereas I wouldn't want to hang out with either Clinton.  I voted for Hilary, but I don't want to be her friend.  But I want to be friends with Barack and Michelle.  John McCain seemed like a nice guy as well.  

Anyway, blah blah.

 Bron started her ABA a couple weeks ago.  It's going well overall.  She has the same BT as Bertram.  Most days, Alli is at our house 7 hours a day.  Bron loves music and dancing.  There is a Disney Christmas Singalong that she LOVES.  We've started potty training a little, but she's not really very interested, though she has had some success.  She's been sleeping well in her bed, without the crib front.  We've also finally found a melatonin that she likes. 

We got a foldable wagon.  It is a lot easier than the double stroller.  Plus Bertie is really too big for the double anyway.  But now when we walk and he's done, he can ride with Bronwyn without much issue.

I've been working on exercising more since the year started.  Partially for depression, partially to be healthier.  My back has been bothering me more.  Stupid degenerative disc disease. I am on the very young end for DDD.  And there is not a ton that can be done.  PT (which I start tomorrow(virtually, which means no massage, boo)), losing weight, and yoga.  Doctor said if I could lose 10% (about 20 lbs) I should see good improvement.  If I can lose 20% most of the pain should be gone.  I'd like to lose at least 30.  But we'll see, I've never been good at losing weight, unless I was sick.  I'm going to keep moving more, and trying to eat when I'm hungry.  That is tough, because I love eating, just to eat. 

Bertram has been doing fairly well. Virtual school is hard.  His behaviour can be tough.  But it's hard for him too, which is difficult for me to remember.  I can't believe he's almost 7.  And a year ago I was planning a Disney trip.  Maybe someday.  He has been into Minecraft, and Among Us lately.  He is still a voracious reader.  I'm trying to steer him towards books with fewer pictures.  But it's hard because his reading level and interest level don't necessarily match.  He likes, and is quite good at, drawing.  

Covid vaccines are starting to be distributed.  My dad got his last week.  Aaron gets his tomorrow.  The ICUs are starting to have beds available again.  So maybe we're towards the end of the tunnel.  We've currently been "at home" for 320 days.  320 days since going to the mall, aquarium, zoo, or out to eat. I'm going crazy.  I may go to the mall within a couple weeks, I'm getting bored of Target.  The county has been doing really well with mask mandates, and I haven't seen anyone balk at them.  We wear masks anytime we're in a store.  We wear masks when we walk the dogs, but only when we see other people.  We have quite a collection of masks now.

Year End Survey

 1. What did you do in 2020 that you'd never done before?
I haven't been to the mall since March.  Made face mask.  Wore face mask every time we were in public. Finished 2 or 3 quilts.  Read 100 books.  Got a new kitchen

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't think I made one.  I don't really plan on making any.  But I think I'll try to read another 100 books

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No. Not close-close.  My cousin. And people from instagram

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Not that I can recall

5. What countries did you visit?
 Hahahaha

6. What would you like to have in 2021 that you lacked in 2020?
Like, everything. Or anything.  Mostly seeing my mom and sister.  Plus so many other, smaller, things

7. What days from 2020 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
I think it was March 13th.  That was the last day Bertram was in school

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Doing more educational stuff with the kids

9. What was your biggest failure?
Letting my depression/quarantine make me lax about my health

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
No.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
I wanna say the kittens, but they were free

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
All of us.  We made it through spending all day, everyday together, for 3 months (That was full quarantine, then we widened our bubble  

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Anything to do with Trump/ line-toting republicans (A few of the outliers really earned my respect).
Anti-Maskers. Super-spreaders.  People ignoring the general health of themselves and others and having life as usual  

14. Where did most of your money go?
Rent.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Going to Disneyland (then unexcited when we couldn't go)

16. What song will always remind you of 2020?
Everything's Gonna Be Better Next Year by The Rescues

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? sadder 
ii. thinner or fatter? fatter, for sure
iii. richer or poorer? richer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Exercised

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Being depressed, not that I had a ton of control over that

20. How did you spend Christmas?
The usual.  With the in-laws

22. Did you fall in love in 2020?
With kittens

23. How many one-night stands?
none, duh. I'm going to delete this for next year. Dumb question

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Probably Zoey's Infinite Playlist.  I watched a lot of cutthroat kitchen and tiny house shows

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Anti-Maskers/ anti-science people.  Since they are actually dangerous, instead of just annoying

26. What was the best book you read?
Hmm, I like Factfulness, Finding Audrey, We need to talk about Kevin, Talking to Strangers, Unbroken, A man Called Ove, 

27. What was your greatest musical (re)discovery?
The Rescues

28. What did you want and get?
A safe/healthy year, a democrat in power

29. What did you want and not get?
pretty much everything else

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
I know I watched a few movies this year.  But nothing is springing to mind.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I have no clue what we did... Likely, not much. I turned 37

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
No world-wide pandemic

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2017?
Leggings

34. What kept you sane?
Anti-depressants

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I'm sure there was someone, but I can't think of anyone.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Covid, which shouldn't have been a political issue AT ALL.

37. Who did you miss?
My mom and seester

38. Who was the best new person you met?
No one, lol

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2020:
Having a project helps things a lot

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Everything's gonna be better next year.

Day 283

From early November, the completed kitchen

 I have no clue what was happening at the last entry, I should reread before posting, I suppose.

The cats are doing well.  Shy-Guy is my buddy, and loves snuggling.  (I have to keep removing him from the laptop).  Oona is still a loud purr-er, and sleeps with Bertram most nights.  

Bertram has had more good days than bad recently.  He is very unpredictable.  I think screentime is the basis for most of his bad behaviour.  We limit it to some extent, but it's pandemic  time, so there are only so many options for him.  He has chores he has to do (get newspaper, feed cat, make bed, wipe table, do a worksheet).  Most days the first 3 will get done.  For some reason, he really hates worksheets.  They are mostly for handwriting, because his is awful.  He just goes to fast.

He got student of the month at school.  He was so excited he ran all around the house.  The teacher said she can see that he is improving in paying attention, and not shouting out.  We've been trying, so I'm glad he is getting some recognition. 

Bron has had some evals.  She started speech a couple weeks ago.  And will be starting ABA sometime soon.  Everything is ready, but the scheduler hasn't called yet.  And it's the end of the year, so I'm not sure who is in the office anyway.  She has her school district evals at the end of January and beginning of February.

We took the rail off Bron's crib a week (or so) ago.  She was climbing out consistently, so it made sense to take the front off.  The first night was a little rough. Most night's now she'll play in the dark (she has a little nightlight in her bed) and then put herself to bed after a while. But she hasn't been coming out, so that is a win.  And she usually is quiet when she plays. 

I started working on a calico/tee shirt quilt for Bron.  It's twin size, for when we move her to the big bed. The squares are all cut, and I've started assembly on the top.

Aaron has continued to work from home.  Most of the time it's great, because I have a second set of hands most of the day, or as needed.  He took most of this week off, because why not?  We don't need to save the vacation time for anything.  Who knows when travel will be safe?  He helped his dad take a lemon tree from their neighbour's house.  The house between us and his folks has been sold to  developer. The same one that did Grandma Street's house.  Hers turned out fine, I guess.  It's giant.  And there are no windows facing the front (except one over the garage that always has the shade closed.) So it seems very foreboding and unfriendly.  I saw the wife once, walking a baby.  But she made no effort to look at me, or smile, and seemed to hurry  back into the house. 

This was the model/drawing.  I've marked the differences in how it actually looks.  There is no lower right window, that's all that stone wall.  There is no chimney.  That front gate (which goes to a patio), then the front door is a half gate, not full sized.  Those two upstairs windows don't exist.  I don't think the wall comes out that far.  And, you can kind of see, how huge it is compared to the houses beside it.

That is what, essentially, will be going in next door to us.  Thomas James builders have been redoing a lot of houses in the area, and most of their designs are similar to this, though, this is the least inviting.  With the exception of this and one other house, all the houses on the street are single story, and look small from the front.  Most have been added onto in the back, but generally fit the look.  I'm just grumping I guess.  I'm not thrilled about living by a construction site either.

Day 233 and kitchen

 (Blogging from my phone because I can't sleep)

Kitchen progression

Before: empty kitchen

Demo's kitchen

New recessed lighting

The paint colour

New flooring

Arrival of cabinets

Grey lower

White upper

Assembled (farmhouse sink!)

Quartz counters

Looking good

Fridge house

Horrible texturing job

I have been so happy with everything this far, until the texture guy came. My FiL arranged the guy, instead of the designer (problem 1). No one is sure what instructions FiL gave to the guy (problem 2), the FiL went camping and is incommunicado (problem 3). Hopefully, issues 2 and 3 can be solved today. Though, my MiL met with the guy, and I'm surprised she didn't find out the scope of his work before hand. Aaron, being an optimist, thinks it's not too bad. MiL doesn't like it, but could live with it. I hate it. I think it looks like popcorn ceiling, except everywhere.

The remodel has been moving along fairly quickly, which is good, because the whole thing is stressing me out. I don't like it when the house is messy, and I don't like it when things aren't where they go. Plus the stress from zoom schooling for Bert and his ABA, the election/general political situation, covid and quarantine, needing to get cavities filled, and the usual things, I feel like I have been living at a level of high anxiety for too long.

I can't remember what else I was going to talk about.