In Response

http://rationalfaiths.com/so-when-you-gonna-have-kids/

I saw the above blog post and wanted to write a response.  Or maybe a similar blog.

Most people know my story, but I'll do a quick recap, just in case.  My husband and I got married 8 years ago.  We were 23 and 22, respectively.  At that point, we were no where near ready to start a family.  We were both still students, living in one of the most expensive areas of the country, and both working part time.

After a year of marriage, we moved to Utah, so my husband could pursue his Master's degree.  While living there, we could have afforded kids, even with him still being in school.  But we weren't ready yet.  After that, my husband enrolled in law school in San Francisco.  We moved back to one of the most expensive parts of the country.  My husband commuted 2+ hours every day. We lived on my income and his student loans.  And even with reduced rent (living in a house owned by his parents) we were barely scrapping by.  (Note, we didn't have a lot of luxuries, no cable, slower internet, no smart phones etc).

In the middle of his 2nd year of law school, we decided it would be a good time to start trying to have a baby.  We figured that by the time I got pregnant, and then gave birth he'd be just about done with school.
Then Crohns happened.  I was diagnosed after a major flare up that caused me to loose 20+ lbs in 3 months.  At this time we were told to stop trying until the Crohns was under control.

A lot of time passed, with no Crohns remission.  At that point we started looking into adoption.  We had both always wanted to adopt, but that process was much more daunting than we'd ever imagined.  LDS Family Services was more expensive, and less responsive than I'd anticipated.  Regular private adoption was MUCH more expensive than either of us thought ($15,000 on the low end).  So we put all baby plans on hold.  At this point we both had good jobs, and were living comfortably.  But we couldn't afford $15k, especially since it is all due up front.

Towards the end of 2012 (we'd been married 7.5 years at this point), I got the "Okay" to start trying again.  We were/are in a bit of a hurry to get me pregnant.  Who knows how long my Crohns will be under control?    It's been about 9 months at this point.

So now to my thoughts on the article:
It's really nice to know there are others in the same boat.  I'm hoping some people from "the other side" read it as well.  Aka, the breeders, the people who never had any problems getting pregnant, and were able to have as many kids as they saw fit.  Because the people who have been in my shoes, the author's shoes, many of my friend's shoes, know better than to ask the stupid questions, or say idiotic things.

Here are some of my "favourites" from over the years (these are all things I heard either at church, or from LDS members):

• Multiple testimonies from pregnant women (or new moms) about how grateful they were that God trusted them enough to bless them with children
• From the pulpit that God doesn't give kids to people who aren't ready (which explains all the teen moms, right?)
• From two different people that said we lacked faith by not trying to start a family from day one
• In a Sunday School lesson that a woman doesn't know true love until a newborn baby is placed on her belly.  
• That a family without kids is incomplete
• That a woman can't fulfill her eternal calling without having kids.

And of course the usual when are you going to have kids? and what are you waiting for?

When we were ready, but not able, I did something that I guess is unheard of.  I came out.  I teach in Relief Society (ladies' sunday school) once a month.  And I took the opportunity to tell everyone that we wanted kids, but weren't able to make them.  We would love to adopt, but couldn't afford it.  I'm generally an open person, I don't have secrets.  So it wasn't a big deal for me to "come out."  The main reason I did that was for self preservation.  I didn't want to hear the question anymore.  I didn't want to have to explain my pain on a weekly basis.  After coming out, I got a lot of comments about how brave I was, how other people couldn't do that.  I got several personal stories sent to my facebook inbox.  And suddenly I was less alone.  No one wants to talk about it, but once someone mentions it, everyone feels safe to talk.  

I had people who were more sensitive to what they said.  I had people asking if there was anything I needed (I always said, "be on the lookout for knock up teens whose baby needs a good home").

That's all I can think of on this now.  

Sick Sickly.

It all started last Thursday.

I ate a BK veggie burger for lunch, and a Boca "chicken" burger for dinner.  Then my tummy started hurting. I thought I can sleep it off.

Friday morning I felt awful.  But I got up and went to work, because I thought getting up and moving would help.  I made 4 bathroom trips before 7:30, and pulled the trash can right by my desk, because I was sure I was going to barf.  Fortunately, I didn't.  Eventually I felt a little better, and made it through the day.

I drove up to Sonora with the dogs on Friday night.  They were pretty well behaved.  But the drive went on and on, and I was so tired.  I felt pretty crummy when I got there, and went to sleep pretty quickly.

On Saturday I got up early to go and pick up some treats for the staff.  I did my normal things; walked the dogs, picked up litter.  While picking up litter, I got really light headed, and nauseous.  So I stopped and went back to the cabin.  I took a quick, cool shower, and laid down.  I again put the trash can near by.  I slept a couple hours, and felt a little better, but not a lot.  Aaron asked if I wanted to just stay there, instead of going into town.  I said no, I'd be ok,

I did ok.  I still felt lousy.  We saw Wolverine, which wasn't great.  Went to Walmart, got dinner (which Aaron dropped on the floor at the grocery, but they were nice enough to not charge us.  I felt asleep really early.

Woke up sick again.  Got on the road too late, 10:40.  When I got home, I took my temperature, which was high.  I took some medicine and went to bed.

Stayed home sick today.  I'm staying home again tomorrow.  Bleh.

Busy

I've been doing a lot of yard work lately.  I'm trying to make it look like someone who cares lives here, instead of hobos.  Last week I did a lot of the bushes and tree.  I had 7 wheelbarrows and one trashcan full of yard waste.  This week I mowed the lawns, and did edging.  We only have a hand (non-electric) edger and it is A LOT of work.  I did about a third of the front yard.  I still need to finish the edging and clean out the flower beds.  I've been watering the lawns a lot too.  Usually I let them get too dry in the summer.  I'm trying to keep them looking... nice?  Better?  The back lawn in especially bad.  I think I need grass seeds, or something.

This week has gone by slowly.  I've been counting down the days til I get to see Aaron.  Since I didn't see him last week, it's been too long. But tomorrow is the day!  Yay!

I switched my nose stud to a ring.  I really like it.  Not the best picture of me, but you get the idea.

I started the cancer prevention study today.  It's a long term study 20-30 years.  So far I've done a couple surveys, and today I got a couple measurements, and had a blood draw.  Easy Peasy.

After almost 4 months, I finally got my period.  Geez, it's been really crazy.  I've been talking to my obgyn.  She said after a year of trying I could see an infertility doctor.  But that's not covered by my insurance.  Grr.  Fingers crossed my ovaries start doing the right thing.  

Today, I was walking the dogs.  My neighbour, Steve, was his yard playing with his dog Dennis (either a full Pit, or Pit mix.  Dennis is the nicest dog.  We walked the other way, and I didn't think Dennis saw us.  Then I heard Steve yell "Dennis!  No!"  Dennis came running towards us.  I wasn't worried about him, because he's nice.  I was a little concerned about how Zelda and Yoie would act; they both get nervous around other dogs.  I held Yoie back.  Dennis came and smelled Zelda, she smelled him.  Eventually Yoie's barking caused Zelda to bark.  And then Steve got Dennis, and apologized profusely.  This whole thing was maybe 5-10 seconds.  I was pretty happy with the result for the most part.

Work is going well.  I've been pretty busy, but I actually was completely caught up a couple times.  It's been a while since that happened.

That's it for now!

This afternoon sucked balls.

What was supposed to happen:
Come home, finish the rest of the yard work, tidy up, walk dogs, lounge, Humira.

What actually happened:
I went out to finish clipping all the bushes in the back (which is a huge job, and really needs to be done); only to find that the electric hedge clippers that I'd borrowed from my FiL were busted.  As in, I broken them yesterday.  I thought they'd over heated, but nope, they're actually broken.  So I couldn't finish the yard work.
While in the garage (trying to fix that damn clipper), I noticed a bad, rotting kind of smell.  I started investigating.  I threw all the rags in the washing machine, since I thought they might be the source.  Nope.  I kept sniffing around.  I bent over to look at something and felt the carpet was wet.  (I know, carpet in a garage?  That was my FiL's doing.  He thinks carpeted garages are great.  No clue why, since stuff like this happens...)  I felt more, a large portion was wet.  Then I looked at our water storage shelf and saw that a 2.5 gallon bottle was 2/3 empty.
Of course this happens while Aaron is gone...
So I emptied the shelf, which was really full.  Moved the dog food tub, and dragged the shelf out of the way. That was difficult.  Also, it was super hot in the garage.
Once all the crap was moved out of the way, I went at the carpet with a utility knife.  More hard work.

Here's what it looked like after I got the shelf are carpet out of there.  See how wet it is?

 
Here is the disaster I made of the garage...

The carpet I tossed out.

While doing all this, I also came across a major ant invasion.  ...yay... 

Now for an aside.  Last time there was a major ant invasion in the garage, I grabbed the bug spray and the vacuum.  For some reason the ants where all in the dirty clothes pile.  While trying to vacuum around the clothes, I sucked up a pair of gym shorts... and broke the belt in the rug-beater (I have a Kenmore canister vac).  I found the manual online and tried to take it apart so I could potentially fix it.  But I couldn't get the thing to come apart, like it was supposed to.  Fortunately (I guess) the vacuum also came with a mini-rug beater (to use on stairs, or upholstery etc).

So then I was crawling across the floor (with a lantern) following the ants, using the little vacuum attachment to suck up the ants. Once I found where the trail was coming in, I sprayed the hell out of it.  

Then I realized I needed to drag the rest of the yard waste to the curb.  I dragged the really heavy, full can to the curb, flipped it over, and nothing.  I think 3 leaves fell out.  O_o  I turned it up right, then upside down again.  Nothing.  I left it upside down and slammed it on the ground a few times.  Still nothing.  Then I flipped it on it's side, and started pulling the stuff out by hand.  It was all pokey, and humid.  Ick.  Then I flipped it upside down again.  Still nothing.  Slammed it on the ground and it was still stuck.  At this point, I started to loose it.  I kicked it, and punched it.  That, of course, didn't help.  I put it back on its side and started pulling the leaves and sticks out again.  While doing this, I stabbed the broken blister that was on the side of my thumb.  That started bleeding.  I finally got the stupid can emptied and went back to the backyard.  On the way there, I started sobbing.  And didn't stop for about 10 minutes.

Also, Fiona has not stopped barking.  And Zelda has been whining a lot.  Good times.

In other news, I decided I'm going to do 30 random acts of kindness for my 30th year.  I've started on a few.  Today I paid for the car behind me at McDonalds.  I'll write more on this sometime in the future.  But I just wanted to throw that in.  Everything before I got home from work was fine.

Road-tripping (with Dogs)

Aaron is up in Sonora running the boy scout camp, all Summer.  It's about 120 miles away, or 3 hours, with no traffic or stops.

We (the dogs and I) have traveled up to see him twice now.

I made a lot of mistakes the first time we went.

• We left at rush hour on a Friday.
• I didn't take the girls for a walk first.
• My Adderall wore off part way through.

We left right after I got home from work, and hit the road at 4:10.  We hit major traffic in Fremont.  Then, while we were stuck (the traffic was crawling a long), Zelda announced that she needed to go to the bathroom.  She started whining and didn't stop until I was able to pull off about 20 minutes later.  And then it took her a long time to find the perfect spot.  The whole excursion took up 20 minutes.  Then it took a long time to get back on the road.  By the time we'd been on the road for 2 hours, we'd only traveled 40 miles.  It was a long day.  We were stuck on 680 a long time, then on 580 for a long time too.  

We stopped in Manteca for another potty break.  There wasn't any traffic after that, but I still had to stop a few more times for Zelda to pee more.  That was pretty annoying.  We didn't get to camp til after 10, so I 3 hour trip became a 5+ hour trip.  

The first trip home was more or less the same.  Lots of stops, lots of whining.  It's all Zelda.  Fiona is a great travel dog.  She's quiet, and she stays in my lap the whole time.  Zelda whines, lays down, gets up (has jelly legs) whines, lays down and repeat (ad infinitum).  It's frustrating.  Anyway, the trip back took about 4 hours.

Last week we went up again, this time on July 3rd.  Still a bad travel day.  But this time, we didn't leave until 6:30, in hopes of missing most of the traffic.  Also, I got a sedative for Zelda.  We still got stuck in traffic, but not nearly as badly as the previous week.  The trip still took 4 hours.  But the sedative seemed to help some.

Today's trip home was much better.  Zelda slept most of the time, and we made the trip in 3.5 hours.  

Zelda at a happier moment.

Fiona's standard riding pose.

Zelda sat in the from seat for about a minute while we were stopped.

Blog dump

I've been meaning to write for a while, but things keep coming up.

Aaron:
He's been at camp for about a week now.  Things have been going ok here.  Things at camp have been hectic, and crappy.  I miss him, but I'm doing ok.  I don't mind being alone too much.  He's been good about calling every day, which helps a lot.  I'm going up to see him this weekend, hopefully it's not awful.

Work:
Work is going very well.  I got a raise today!  And starting next year, I'll be getting 120 hours of PTO (I'm getting 96 right now).  Plus I'm feeling more caught up, so things are less stressful.  I really enjoy my job.  I like that I'm along most of the time.  Also, I can go exercise on my lunch, and come back all sweaty and gross, and I'm only offending myself.

Health and Wellness:
Dr Hensley (my shrink) ok'd me to get back on Adderall until I get pregnant.  That has made a HUGE difference.  I'm not having trouble keeping my eyes open in the morning, and I have energy.
Last week, I did really well at exercising.  I ran MTWF. I walked on Thursday, and did a stair workout on Saturday.  This week has been slower going.  I did a long walk yesterday.  Today I only did the dog walk.  I haven't been sleeping well for the past few days.  So I was tired, and just didn't feel great.  I'm not sure I'll get much of an opportunity to run the rest of the week.  Tomorrow will probably be my last chance, since it's supposed to be super hot (around 100 for the next 5-6 days!).  I may ride the stationary bike to get some exercise.
I've been counting calories as well.  (Another good thing about Adderall is that I'm not very hungry most of the time, as opposed to before when I was always starving).  I'm down about 4 lbs so far.  That is a very encouraging start.  14 more lbs to get back where I was.
I've also cut way back on Diet Coke.  I still love Diet Coke.

The Rest:
I made Zelda a new dog coat yesterday.  Well, I did most of it yesterday.  I finished it today.  I still want to put a couple of patches on it.  I'm going to try to make a matching one for Yoie, if there's time.
I've been working on making the lawns look nicer.  Lots and lots of water.
Sunday was our 8th anniversary.  It was lame, since we didn't spend it together.  Also, he didn't get me a card or anything.  I sent him one.  Oh well.
I went to church on Sunday, and stayed for all three hours.  Yay me.

A crown fit for a Rachel

I noticed a few months back a hole in the back on my top molar.  I had a dentist appointment sometime in May.  The hygienist said everything looked good, aside from that cavity and we set up a date to fix it: June 10th.

From June 6th to June 9th, we were in Las Vegas for my birthday.  I'll do a post about that later.

We came home early on June 9th (Sunday), and slept most of the day.  In the evening we went to Aaron's grandma's house for popcorn (a family tradition).  I was eating popcorn and playing cards.  I did a tongue sweep and something felt weird.  Upon closer inspection, I'd broken off a good portion of my first molar on the lower left.  It looked awful, but didn't feel like anything.

I was really glad I already had a dentist appointment for the next day.  My doctor looked at it, and said it didn't look good, and took an x-ray.  He said I was really lucky, the nerve was really close to being exposed, which would necessitate a root canal.  Since it didn't, I could get by with just a crown.  I've never had a crown.  I've had dozens of fillings, and one pulled wisdom tooth but that's the end of my dental adventures.

He explained that my tooth would be ground into a little numb, and then a crown would be glued over that.  It wouldn't feel different than a normal filling.  They started, and then had to stop because I could feel it. More Novocaine.  Started again, I could still feel it.  More Novocaine.  Started again, I could still feel it.  This time he told me to tell him when I could feel the shot.  (Really, at this point, I couldn't feel anything, except one spot when he'd drill).  He poked and injected, and then found the spot, the one last bastion of un-numb territory,  After than, everything was fine.  More drilling.  Then the gooped on the plastic temporary filling, and I was free to go, for 3 weeks.

My crown will be a metal with porcelain overlay.  The total before insurance comes to $900, my portion is $450.  Not terrible, but bleh, I hate dental work.