2am writings

 I think right after I wrote the last entry, Bertram came down with a cold.  None of the rest of us have gotten it.  It's a bad cold, he's really stuffy and has a productive cough.  He's had 3 negative covid tests (2 at home and 1 at Kaiser).  So, since he was sick, he couldn't go to school and missed the whole week before spring break.  (He wasn't actually feeling poorly, and had no fever.  In the before time, I probably would have just sent him to school.)  So I was bummed about that.  And his teacher didn't get a work packet to me until Thursday of that week.
(She seems like a nice lady, but she's super disorganized.  And I'm not sure if she actually "likes" Bertie, since he is a problem student.  I can't remember if I wrote this before, but they had a sub two Fridays in a row.  It was Bert's favourite sub, so he was stoked.  And both those days were thumbs-up good days.  I asked him, why do you think you work better with Mrs. R?  He said "because she's kinder."  Which broke my heart a little.  If it were the beginning of the year, I would have asked for a teacher swap, but we're almost done now).
I had him doing a math workbook, letter writing practice and either spelling, or research. He has been very into both the Titanic and ancient Egypt lately.  But mostly it's been lots of reading and screen time.  It's nearly two weeks later and he still has this cold.  (We called the advice nurse, but she said colds in kids can last up to two weeks.  So I guess after that, if he's still all gross we'll call back and see the doctor.  

Bronwyn is very into the new Disney movie Turning Red.  Before that we watched Encanto almost daily.  Now we watch Turning Red almost daily.  I'd seen some reviews where people were upset because it mentions periods, and rebellious teenagers.  Eyeroll.  There are a whole slew of rebellion teens in Disney movies (Cinderella, Rapunzel, The little Mermaid, Belle, etc).  Anyway, she's liking that.  She's been doing well with food practice and even ate a piece of cheese and a chicken nugget, unprompted.  So there is some progress.  

I joined 24 hr fitness last week.  (Though none of the close ones are 24 hours.)  I joined a gym maybe 10 years ago.  Then my Crohns got bad (before I started Humira) and I quit. But I decided I should be exercising, hopefully to lose some weight, and just to be healthier in general.  I've done three classes so far (zumba, yoga and body pump).  Zumba was not as fun as I remembered (eg: it's way more complicated).  But I really enjoyed the yoga and body pump classes.  I'm really sore from a body pump I did on Monday.  So I've just been using the treadmill since then.  I'm signed up for another one Friday, hopefully I'll be in fighting shape by then.  There are a couple of other classes I want to try, but haven't gotten the chance yet.  I figure, during the week, after I get Bron to school I'll head over.  Usually there is a class at 9 or 9:30.  There is also a lap pool, but I have no clue where my swimsuit is at the moment.  

Aaron and I have been having our weekly date night.  Usually we just go out to eat, since we need to get the kids to bed.  This week we got take away food from a Jamaican restaurant, and had It's-Its for dessert. It's been nice to have a set weekly time without the kids, to just enjoy being alone together.

Why I am up at 2am:  (Around 1am) I think I was in a twilight sleep, when I heard someone (something?) bang on the window a couple times.  Scary. Aaron was in the bathroom at the time.  And he said it wasn't the window, it was him dropping his phone on the floor.  None the less, I was scared and now awake.  Combine that with him instantly falling asleep and snoring.  So I came out to the living room, and here I am.  In my 2am glory.

 Bertram has been doing better at school lately.  We had a mini IEP meeting on Wednesday that went pretty well.  On Wednesday, he got his Invisalign.  They were supposed to glue on little anchors, but Bert wouldn't let them.  The orthodontist said we could try them without and see how he does.  He didn't want to keep them in his mouth.  I was feeling worried.  But Thursday we practiced wearing it after school.  Today he wore the top and bottom after school without issue.  (He was playing with them a lot the first couple days).  Tonight, he agreed to sleep with the top one in.  Which is a big change, since he was concerned about swallowing it.  We're going back next Wednesday to follow up.  Bertie has said he's ready to switch to the next trays, but I'm going to wait til the next appointment.  I feel like, in general, Bert's attitude has been improving.  He is just fun to be around.  We did an ADHD assessment ad we're waiting to hear back about that.  We're also meeting with the district psychologist to see if there might be a program that would be a better fit, as being in a class with 27 kids is a lot.  So a lot is in the works.

Bronwyn has been doing well too.  She has been doing food practice in ABA.  Before that she would mainly eat Ensure and squeeze applesauce, and sprinkle in French fries, pretzels, crackers, cookies, ice cream and sometimes pancakes.  That was about it.  The first few times of food practice were awful.  She pretty much cried for 30+ minutes straight and not try anything.  Or we'd sort of pin her down and pop something in her mouth.  It was hard to be part of and hard to listen to.  But like potty training, it's like something just clicked.  The first few times she tried anything, she'd gag.  But it got better.  This week she's tried: peanut butter, strawberries, chicken, turkey, pineapple, apple, sauced pasta, tomato, banana, refried beans, buttered bread, pear, chocolate cake, yogurt, cheese, edamame, carrots, peas, chicken nuggets, and probably some things I'm forgetting.  The peas and carrots were the only things she didn't like, she cleaned her plate every time.  We've been letting her watch YouTube only at meal time.  And as long as she is taking bites she can keep watching. Hopefully, we'll be able to wean the videos away in the future.  But she actually sat at the table and ate dinner with us tonight (with the videos), and I can't remember the last time that happened.  Also, she had been very adamant that he didn't want me to give her bangs.  But I really hated the hair being in her eyes all the time.  This morning, she finally let me cut her hair.  I did it really quick, but it actually turned out really well.

I've still been tired all the time, but I've been getting some things done.  I've mostly stayed on top of cleaning.  And I got a couple paint by numbers to do.  That's been really enjoyable.  I finished a flamingo one, and I'm working on a big Pokemon one (Eevee and Pikachu) for Bert.  I got a book on how to crochet from the library, so hopefully I'll be able to figure that out.  Last library visit, I grabbed four books, and I didn't like any of them.  It was disappointing.  Like, I wonder if my attention span isn't long enough for books anymore.  My yardwork is pretty much done.  I've been listening to a lot of podcasts.  Depression is still looming, but I've been staying ahead of it pretty well.  I took a break from social media.  I got tired of seeing stupid and upsetting opinions.  I don't know how to separate my emotions from stuff like that.  I started noom at the beginning of the year.  I've lost 8 lbs, but completely stalled.  I'm still trying, so hopefully my body will catch on a t some point.

Aaron and I did an adult thing and bought new couches.  The couches we had were Aaron's cousin's cast offs.  They were lumpy and sinky, and I got tired of it.  I started out looking at Ikea.  But we were looking for a sofa-loveseat set, and Ikea didn't really have anything like that.  I looked around online a little.  We'd looked at Living Spaces previously, but didn't find anything that spoke to us.  The other thing if we have very specific dimensions that the couches need to fit in our tiny living room.  I settled on Ashley Homestore, because they had a lot online.  Last week we went, and spend an hour trying and retrying couches.  We found a set we liked and the sofa has a bed in it, which is good to have.  We spent a little more than I wanted (around $2000), but we figured we'll have them a long time, and since we actually found something we like, that fits our room.  It was supposed to be 4-6 weeks for delivery, but both pieces were delivered today. 

Defeated

 Feeling very defeated today.

This is the third bad day this week, for Bert, at school.  He's being defiant, not doing his work, not listening.  The teacher is writing a referral for him.  I'm not sure what that is, but I'm sure it's not good.  I give him pep talks on the way to school, we're taking away stuff after school.  Today, in addition to having no screens, he had to write lines.  The worse part, is, I ask him how his day was: did you listen, did you follow directions, did you do your work, did you get sent outside today? He tells me he had a pretty good day.  I'm not sure if it's some sort of cognitive dissonance, he's lying, or he legitimately thinks his day is pretty good.  I don't know what else to try.

We lost another BT for Bronwyn, after one freakin' session. So the supervisor is doing once weekly ABA sessions, on the computer, where we lead the session, and she (the supervisor) advises me what to do, or ask.  It wasn't too bad.  It makes me wonder if I'm a bad parent though.  The session is mostly playing with her.  And it made me realize I don't actually play with her much.  She plays so well on her own, it just doesn't occur to me. 
At the end of the session, we worked on "non-preferred foods".  I chose turkey lunch meat, the really thin kind.  We got her to lick the turkey a couple times without too much fight.  When she licked it, she declared it "yummy".  Then we spent 20-25 minutes convincing(wrestling, fighting) her to either take a small bite, or simply put it in her mouth.  She did a pretty good job of trying to wrestle out of my lap, but I held her.  In the end, I put it in her mouth, when she had it open.  I made sure to put it near the front, so she wouldn't choke.  She immediately started gagging.  I really do not understand the food aversion stuff.  It doesn't have a pattern, like squishy foods, or crunchy foods.  The food she likes has a variety of textures and tastes.  Like she likes sour cream and onion chips, that's a pretty strong favour.  

So yeah, not a great day overall.  At least they both did well at speech. 

Frustrated

 I am frustrated.  Bertram's teacher had a (another) talk with me about his behaviour. 

I asked him how his day was, he said pretty good.  Then the teacher caught me before we left.  He talked back, didn't do his work, and spent the day breaking crayons.  She asked if anything was happening at home.  The only thing I can think of is he hasn't had ABA in a while (because she's been sick, and we were sick).  

So now he has no screens.  We decided that any work he doesn't do in class is coming home for homework.  And if work comes home, he'll have no screens.

I don't know what else to do.  I'm not sure Special Ed is where he should be.  And his school doesn't have special ed anyway.  He'd have to go from our neighbourhood, very highly ranked, school, across the city to a very low ranking school.  (Our school is 9 or 10/10, the other school is 2/10). It would probably take 30-40 minutes to get him there in the morning, because it's downtown.

The other issue, in terms of special ed, is that he's fairly advanced academically.  I sort of wonder if he's bored.  When he brings home work, it seems to be the right level of challenging (not easy, not too hard).

 I think I'm going to end up having to home school him.  I don't really want to do that.  I don't feel equipped for that.  I think the school district gives you all the materials for "independent study".  

Nothing has to happen, or be decided now.  But I wish I could motivate him to be better in class.  ASD is frustrating, and hard.

Anyway, I'm just venting.  

Bertram Interview (Almost 8 years old)

 1. What is something mommy always says to you?  Clean your room

2. What makes you happy? Pokemon!

3. What makes you sad?  No screens

4. What makes you laugh?  Potty jokes

5. How old are you?  7.5, about 8

6. How old is Mommy?  38

7. How old is Daddy? 48

8. What is your favorite thing to do?  Play with Wooper

9. Who is your best friend?  Bridget

10. What do you want to be when you grow up? Someone who works for Nintendo, drawing Pokemon

11. What are you really good at?  Playing Switch

12. What are you not very good at?  Doing math

13. What did you do today?  Nothing interesting, watching tv

14. What is your favorite food?  Pizza

15. What is your favorite song? Thing on the Base Amp

16. What do you want for your birthday this year? A Quagsire for Wooper to play with

17. What is your favorite animal? Cat

18. What is love? Love is being nice

19. What does daddy do for work?  Work

20. Where do you live? (Says address)

21. Where is your favorite place to go? Grandma and Gramps

22. What is yourfavourite colour?  Orange

23. What is your favourite movie?  Detective Pikachu

Bronwyn Interview (almost) 4.5

 1. What is something mommy always says to you?  You say “I’ll play with my unicorn toys”

2. What makes you happy? When I kiss you I feel happy

3. What makes you sad?  When we can’t get some toys. I want some new unicorn toys

4. What makes you laugh?  When I was happy, that made me laugh. HAHAHA

5. How old are you?  4

6. How old is Mommy?  I do not know if you’re old

7. How old is Daddy? I not know

8. What is your favorite thing to do?  Play with toys

9. Who is your best friend?  My best friends are at school

10. What do you want to be when you grow up?  I not want to be anything when I grow up

11. What are you really good at?  I'm good at playing with my unicorn toys

12. What are you not very good at?  I’m not very good at getting Bertram's toys

13. What did you do today? I did not do anything (She went to school)

14. What is your favorite food?  Maybe pizza? (She doesn't like pizza)

15. What is your favorite song? Maybe a unicorn song?

16. What do you want for your birthday this year? Presents and cake

17. What is your favorite animal? I want a horse that has a horn. Wait, unicorn!

18. What is love? Love is a kiss

19. What does daddy do for work? Daddy does his work at work

20. Where do you live? I live in our house

21. Where is your favorite place to go? To the hotel

Still at home

 Despite testing negative twice, Aaron tested positive with the home test yesterday.  So we all have/had it.  

Today is day 10 for Bronwyn.  So, as long as she doesn't have a fever, she can go to school on Monday.  The rest of us are a few days behind her.  I think today is day 9 for me.  I'm feeling well enough.  I still have a cough and a little post nasal drip, but no fever.  According to the CDC I'm free to roam as long as I wear a mask.  I think I'll go to the library.  I got three books, I read one and I can't get into the other two.

Aaron is still lethargic. It doesn't help that Bertram doesn't sleep well, and Bron gets up really early.

There really isn't anything else to report.  We're all going a little crazy.  I haven't cleaned well in almost 2 weeks.  It's too hard to do with everyone here.  I have been weeding again.  I need to put out some seeds too.