Another month later

So after a short stay with Effexor, I've moved onto Cymbalta.  It's only been a week or so. 

I'm getting really tired of depression.  It's really annoying to be at the mall, or reading to the kids, or driving and suddenly feel like breaking down.  Doing something fun, and wanting to break.  Then, when you are alone and can cry, nothing happens.  It's like my emotions are completely broken.  And my sex drive is completely gone.  Poor Aaron.  It's just kind of shitty all around.

My mom was out here for 3 weeks for Bertie's birthday.  It was so nice having her here, and it went way too fast.  Both kids loved having her here.  I'm not sure that Bertram ever stopped talking.  And Bron is just the most smiling, happiest kid around. 

We had Bertie's 4th birthday.  Just family, like always (or at least another year).  He wanted a PJ Masks party.  So we found decorations and balloons and all the usual things.  I made two cakes.  He originally told me he wanted a chocolate and strawberry cake.  I made one with chocolate frosting, and then he told me he wanted vanilla frosting.  So I made a second cake (which is just as well, since one probably wouldn't have been enough).  They both turned out well.  We had fruit, veggies and pizza.  Then he wanted to open gifts.  He got a lot of space stuff, books, and puzzles.  He was a happy guy.  We sang and all had cake.  The kids were playing with the star-shaped confetti, which I told them not to do while they ate.  I think Bertram must have set his fork down on one, because he started crying and gagging.  (God, it was so scary, I'm still upset over it).  I ran over and looked in his mouth, I couldn't see it.  He kept saying that it hurt, and would gag again.  I tried finger-sweeping him, with no success.  I called my mom to help.  She wasn't panicked like I was.  He gagged a few more times and out it came.  He gagged a little more and then cried and cried.  I held him and cried too.  I kept thinking, why did I put that stupid confetti there?  He got over it a lot quicker than I did.  (Since I'm still not).  But it didn't ruin his day, which is good.

He had his well check.  He is just about 50th% for height and weight.  He's still not jumping or peddling, so we're starting PT tomorrow.  And he sees the ophthalmologist on Monday to determine if he's colour blind.  I told him he wasn't getting any shots, because he was concerned.  The problem was, I didn't know he was getting boosters.  He was sad, and cried.  And I did my best not to cry, because, my emotions are out of whack. 

Anyway, on top of all the depression stuff, the kids are my sunshine.  I just think about how lucky I am to be their mom.