As previously mentioned, I've dealt with anxiety for almost as long as I can remember. I'd always thought of myself as a rule follower (especially after the incident mentioned yesterday). I didn't want to be in trouble, and the rules were the best way to do that. As time went on, I also didn't want to be noticed, and the best way to blend in, is not to do something wrong.
In middle school, I did all my work, and got good grades (except 6th grade math). I didn't procrastinate much, and did my best to be a wall flower. I didn't want critique or compliments, I just wanted to float along. (I still don't do well with compliments).
In high school, when a lot of kids experiment with drugs, alcohol and sex, I didn't. Part of the reason was because I was open about things with me mom, and I didn't want to tell her I did any of that stuff. Another reason was that I was just scared. I didn't want to do something illegal, I worried about getting caught. I didn't want to not be in charge of my faculties, and do something I'd regret.
As a result, I've never been drunk, I've never been high, and I've only slept with one person. I kind of regret the first two. Youth is a time to try things out (maybe not high school, but college). And I didn't. I am happy that Aaron is the only one I've been with.
But maybe at 33, I could have a funny drunk story, or a regrettable tattoo, or know what weed is like. Oh well, I guess there is still time for those things. But now I don't have the excuse of being young... and I'm less anxious, well, mostly.
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